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We found out yesterday that the expectant mom with whom we have been matched for months has been scamming us. She is using multiple attorneys and is matched with multiple couples, all of whom have been paying her "expenses." So here we have been all excited about an AA baby girl whose due date is Aug. 20, who would be a little sister to our AA son.
Our (now ex) e-mom is definitely pregnant with a little girl. I traveled to meet her in OK City on May 15 (at great expense), accompanied her to an OB appt., and saw an ultrasound. I got my heart completely wrapped around that little girl too.
We know of another couple (an AA couple who are from the New York area) who visited with her on the 19th and 20th of this month and went with her to a different OB than the one that I took her to. I wonder if they know that they are being scammed.
Her mother--who is in on the scam--has been with her during attorney and couple meetings. There is also a boyfriend (the baby's father?) who may or may not be in on the scam.
I was receiving messages from her just this morning (she got busted yesterday) begging me to adopt the baby. I wonder if the other couples involved are also getting messages, or if they even know that she is a fraud.
My feeling from conversations that I had with her after she was busted (she claims that she was confused about who to give the baby to and didn't want to hurt any of the couples' feelings LOL) is that she is planning to parent and is using the pregnancy to defraud couples now and will use the baby after the birth to try to extort more money from couples.
I can't believe that there are people like this out there who would prey on couples like us who are working with everything we have to build a family. I am beyond hurt and betrayed. I am mourning the loss of my baby girl.
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I am so sorry that you (and the other couples) are going through this..I am also sorry that the baby has a mom who is already "using" her for financial gain...is there any legal action that you can take against the emom as well as her mother who is in on it? Personally I think you should try to make sure the other couples are aware of what is going on (if they haven't already found out) so that they can take measures to protect themselves from further pain... Some people have no morals unfortunately...truly sad for all parties involved!! You are all in my thoughts/prayers...
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One of the attorneys that matched her with another couple got suspicious about something she said, did some searching around, and discovered our attorney and our match. That's how she got "busted."I've got her listed on the scammer sites. I'd like to press charges, but DH is fighting me on this. He feels that her going to jail might hurt the baby.
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I am sorry for what happened. You know, it is your decision, but we decided not to give any money to any birthmom because of things happening like that. After we matched, we told our birthmom that we cannot support her financially. She said: I did it before you were here, I have to do it after you are gone, so I can do it while you are here!" If a birthmom likes you to be the parents of her baby, she wants you even if you cannot support her. What did she do before? If a birthmom backs up because she does not get financial support-- forget it. Wait until you match with the right one! Then it is meant to be.
Sorry to hear of this news for you. Unfortunately, this is something that seems to happen more than some people realize. A few of the adoption agencies we've talked to here in WI have mentioned birth mothers scamming adopting parents for various mounting expenses only to opt out. What's worse here is that this women did it to two couples. I hope your next birth mother turns out much better for you. Thanks for the post.
How horrendous!
I would press charges. This lady is using her child as a pawn not as a member of her family. Pressing charges would put her in the system and with her local HHS. They could monitor the family and determine how she is doing as a mother.
If pressing charges will hurt the baby then she shouldn't have the rights to the baby. She is the one who chose to put herself in this situation she will need to be the one to deal with the consiquences.
My hubby is a corrections officer and all he has to say about pregnant women in jail is that they are monitored closely and given excellent prenatal care.
Just my two cents,
Missy
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I agree with Missy. Pregnant girls in jail do get regular prenatal care and no access to cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. Also, they system will watch out for the baby, so at least for a while she will have to provide a level of care and safety. It is not revenge -- it is a way of protecting that innocent child.
I've gotta agree...you need to press charges. I suspect this type of thing will happen more often as the economy surely will worsen before it gets better. (And I think Obama is doing all he can...so no slam to him.)
I also blame agencies who seem too quick to tell paps they'll need to pay for thus and such, without thinking an emom is scamming, period. Which brings me to my soapbox issue of 'not paying for ANY expenses, period.'
I hope you didn't lose a lot of money. I truly hope you didn't. And, I pray you'll have another baby situation---quickly. I'm sure this not only hurts because of the betrayal; but also because you'd fully intended to have another baby in your arms!!! (((HUG))))
Sincerely,
Linny