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To all birthmothers, fathers, family...
My 22nd birthday is this week, and while I am always thinking of my birthfamily, the thoughts consume me this time of year. I was just curious to hear what goes through your minds around your children's birthdays. This post isn't meant to anger or place guilt on anyone. I'm just so curious as to what types of feelings a birthmother or family has during the last weeks of their time with their child.
I was adopted when I was 10 days old in Louisiana. I'm searching for my birthparents but still only have non-identifying information, and a beautifully written letter from my birthmother to my family.
I know I get sad around my birthday, for a number of reasons. One, because I was given up, and my birthday is a reminder of that. But I think I'm mostly sad because I'm thinking of my birthmother holding me in the hospital for only a day or two, thinking that was the last time she was ever going to see me. I guess I would hope that she gets sad around my birthday too, instead of not thinking of me at all. I would also hope that she doesn't get too sad, because I am doing well and I'm happy, and grateful to be alive with a loving family. My birthday always feels like Thanksgiving; I constantly remind myself of all the good people and things and opportunities that surround me, and try to remain positive, knowing that my birthmother did was she thought was best for me.
I would love to know what thoughts run through your minds around that time! :)
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Hi and welcome!
Over the years I felt really very sad around my son's birthday. I always wondered how he was doing, hoped he was happy and well.
I found him last February and we met in person right after his 22 birthday. I have to say that now I can call him and wish him a happy birthday and that feels really REALLY good to me. I've been fortunate in that he is happy and he has had a good life. He's also welcomed me into his life and I'm glad for that.
Happy Birthday Maggie! I'm sure she's thinking about you.
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Dear Maggie,
Hi. My name's Janey. It's nice to e-meet you. :-)
On my babies' birthday, I am usually very quiet and withdrawn from my husband and daughter. Hubby immediately knows what's wrong after all this time together.
There is always the wind up before-hand. I think about how they looked the last time I saw them. And I wonder if they are out there somewhere thinking about me.
It is a bittersweet day. I always wish them a Happy Birthday each year.
I agree with quantum. I'm sure your mom does the same thing I do and that she thinks of you everyday.
I also wish you a Happy Birthday. May you be blessed in your life with the best of everything!
Janey
I think of him every day, but I always think of him in a more focused way on his birthday. I don't tend to get sad, but it's more of a bittersweet feeling--hard to describe. There is not a lot of build up before, just knowing the day is approaching like any mother would anticipate her child's birthday. I make sure to take some time for more in-depth thought on that day, such as wishing him well wherever he is, remembering what it was like when he was born, how proud I am of him, etc. and in recent years I've started doing little rituals, like lighting a candle, looking through his pictures and old letters from his family, pouring a glass of wine and having a little "toast," and if I can get my hands on some cake, I'm eating it!
xstandclimbfall, yes I always thought of my child on his birthday. I was so drugged in the hospital, I don't remember much and we were not to see our babies--much less hold them; so if your mom was able to hold you, even once, that was a blessing for both of you. I always wondered about my child--was he healthy, happy and did he get adopted into a nice, loving family. I prayed that he was healthy and had a good life. He (at age 37) found me last fall, and it has been wonderful--just to even know he is alive and well. He did not express a desire to spend his birthday with me; but I sent a card with gift and called him to wish him a Happy Birthday for the first time (hopefully the first time of many to come).
Hi and belated Happy Birthday. I think about my son every single day of every single month, but I do think about him on his birthday, especially around the exact time he was born - 10:33 p.m. I will never stop thinking about him. I get sad around his birthday, and I don't even like to do anything that will require me to write the date, because I know I will just read it and be sad again later. In my experience, there is a lot of sadness around adoption. It is very astute of you to notice and think of your birthmom's sadness as she only had a few days with you in the hospital. I hope you had a great birthday, and I hope you meet up soon!!!
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Hello my name is Cristy. I had a child young and placed her with a family that could take care of her. It was a closed adoption. It has been very hard on me over the years. She is never too far from my mind, but overall I know I did the best I could do at the time. On her birthday I get pretty sad. The month or two before her birthday, I spend sometime going over what I could have done different. Every year I come to the same conclusion that there wasn't a better plan. I handle her birthday a lot better if I can do something besides just sitting home. So if we can plan a day out, it's the best way to for me to get past the day. Well that is my thoughts for the day.
I'm new to this forum,
My B son turned 18 the other day..
I have, and ALWAYS will think of him on a daily basis, but his birthdays are usually especially difficult.
I miss him with every breath I take, and hope and pray that I made the right choice in choosing his parents.
They seemed very nice when I met them..
I wasn't going to just have a hands off approach when it came tio his placement and welfare....
anyway- I know I'm late on this, but Maggie I hope you had a wonderful birthday....
I'm just doing everything I can right now to ensure that my son can find me
IF he CHOOSES to....
its his decision, and i will make it as easy as possible
if he decides to look for me..
Placing and relinquishing my son was, and still is the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life,
and for purely unselfish reasons it remains that I also think it was the best decision i could have made for him at the time....
It hurts me almost daily, even 18 years later,
but I stand by the fact that it was what was best for him.....
I sure hope I'm right.....
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Maggie,
I'm sorry there is sadness surrounding your birthday. I know what you're talking about, as (at least for me) I feel overwhelming sadness from about 2 weeks before my daughter's birthday until a few days afterward. That feeling still persists, even though I've reunited with my daughter.
I hope you find your birthfamily. Keep looking!
Soprano
My daughter is 10 (adopted from foster care) and we were talking about her birthmom the other day. I asked her what she wonders about in regards to her and she said she wonders if she ever thinks of her, if she remembers her birthday and if she has any pictures of her still. I told her that I was 100% certain that she thinks of her, still knows her birthday, and has pictures. We pulled out a letter she wrote before the state did TPR and it was about A's upcoming birthday. I was glad that the letter answered most of her questions. From this forum alone I could know tell her that her bmom always thinks of her.