Working Adoptive Mothers

I'm a scientist and always worked fulltime, other than 6 months parental leave after my third adoption. All three of mine were Latin American adoptions so I was in their countries of origin 1-2 months, but I had to go back to work a day or two after we got home. For #1 there was NO parental leave, #2 and #3 there was but it was unpaid and there were no adoption subsidies like there are today for many. I struggled with guilt for years, but the reality is that we needed my paycheck. As society has changed and it is more socially acceptable for women to work fulltime the guilt wasn't as bad, but it is always there. I changed my career path from high profile scientific marketing with lots of travel to computer science with zero travel and the opportunity to work from home if I needed to, and for me that made a huge difference. The reality of today's society is that it's the norm for women to work, and in most cases it's also a financial necessity. No need to feel guilty. I've always envied the women who had the opportunity to CHOOSE to be a SAHM mom, but it wasn't in the cards for me. Does that mean I don't have the same right to have children as a woman who married a wealthy man does? NO WAY!

Thank goodness! I don't feel so alone. People always assumed that because we were adopting that I would stay home. No. I've gone to college once and then ended up going to trade school. I'm a hairstylist, I work 4 days a week there and only 6 hours a day. I work weekends because that's where the money is, KB only goes to daycare two times a week, DH is always off one of the days I work and he's off every other weekend. Right now I work at my friends store, I'm seasonal and have been forever and that's just 1 day a week when DH is home. I'm only there about 4 or 5 hours. I also do 2 other things though. Once a month I go to the hospital where DH works and cut patients hair, I make more money in that one night then I do in a week at my regular salon. Then I am also the area coordinator for a national non-profit. That is all volunteer and the work is mainly when KB is in bed. When people find out all I do people are shocked and honestly it's really not that much if you break down the hours and all that. I on average work 30 hours a week and KB is in daycare 2 days. I LOVE her daycare. For the first year MIL took care of her and we had all kinds of issues. I wish it worked but it didn't so I found daycare. As soon as I walked in I knew it was the right place. I visited several but this one was just it! She has done so well since she started going there, she was great before but now even more. She's much more comfortable around other kids. We also go to a reading/play group on Mondays and as soon as our house is done the other mothers that volunteer with the non-profit in my area are going to start hosting playgroups so our kids can get together and learn about what we do and why. Face it, work or no work being a mom is HARD. It's no pay, no vacation, no sick days but all benefits!!

IMHO what difference does it make whether your child is adopted or bio? A working mom is just that. What's hell is when you have to run out of work for a sick kid, or in my case my 18 yr old (adopted as an infant) daughter has all sorts of mental health & substance abuse problems and I have to run out of work early to take her to rehab, or I'm non-functional at work because of her latest stunt, or when she accuses me of work being more important than she is because my cell phone is shut off for two hours while I'm teaching, or running a very important meeting with a roomfull of people, or running a focus group for a new system I'm designing.

I am a working single mom. My daughter is now 12 but when I adopted her at 3 1/2 months I was able to work at home for a couple of months.

I am a single working mom and I got my baby when she was only 6 days old.(Almost a year now) its been hard but totally worth it. There are times I wish I could be a stay at home mom but it just isn't in the cards for now. With God's help I am getting some help soon.

I'm a single parent which means I have to work. However, I couldn't be a SAHM. I would be no good to anyone. when I get home from work, I give time to my kids. They know I love them. They also see me going to work so we have a fairly decent life. Don't feel guilty. Not all of us are meant to stay at home!

Not only am I not a SAHM, I work 7 days a week, as does my husband. We seem to do ok with our son, and don't have a nanny or anyone else to help us with care. Chad works 430am-130pm. My hours vary, but generally I'm gone from 8am-9pm. On weekends, we are both skydiving instructors. We had no desire for the baby thing at all, we wanted older kids. Since it's summer, our son (who's 15) is volunteering at a summer camp during the day and has football practice 3 evenings a week. On weekends, he's very active at the dropzone with us, earning money by being dropzone 'gopher', he's learning to pack parachutes, and he edits videos as well. It's pretty rare that our son is home alone more than an hour, and he's a really responsible kid. If there are any issues, there is a neighbor family who adopted years ago and have said they're always there if he needs anything. Last Thurs, we both got home late, and our son even had dinner cooked and waiting for us! He's an amazing kid.

I am a working mother also. i have a 7 year old son and am waiting for a match also. My SW said to me when i was doing our profile that we should mention if i was going to be a SAHM. i am planning on taking"maternity leave" for like 2 months after we get our baby, but other than that, i am planning on working full time yet or maybe part time if i can still pay the bills. But anyways, she insisted that even if i wasnt sure if i would continue to stay home, taht i should at least put down that its being considered cuz emoms generally will pick an AMOM whom stays home over one whom works. I siad, No, i'm going to put that i will stay home for 2 months and after that we will see what happens and that i what i put. at our educational classes for our adoption we had birthmother come and talk about their adoption experiences and whatnot and 2 out of 3 said, they were NO WAY going to pick someone whom wasnt going to stay home with the baby cuz they could just as well keep their baby if it was just going to be in Daycare all the time. That pissed me off!!! Some of us HAVE TO work. there isnt a choice on whether we CAN stay home. If i want to adopt, i have to work! simple as that. if i want to send my children to college and retire someday I HAVE TO work. I just dont get why some people think its okay to put down a mother for working. Traditionally, yes, the mother stayed home and took care of the kids, and did the housework and all, but that has changed drastically. My babysitter is the most wonderful person ever. My son loves going there. he gets so much attention and socialization. he has been there since he was 6 months old and i wouldnt have done anything different. if i hadnt continued to work, we would never beable to afford to adopt right now. Nor the infertility treatments we did. I personally know i wouldnt be a good SAHM. i dont have the patience nor the passion to be home all day. Its just not for everyone. My SIL is a SAHM. SHe does absolutely NOTHING during the day. Barely Watches her kids, not less actually does anything constructive with them. They are 6, 4, and a 4 month old. Her house is absolutely disqusting, and yet she complains to me that she is over -stressed, has NO money, and pretty much cant stand her kids anymore. Everytime i talk to her i want to say... GET A JOB!! but she doesnt want to work, and she can hide behind the I'm a SAHM because then no one really questions why she doesnt get anything done EVER or why she doesnt work. (i'm not saying that all SAHM's do this, just her) She should NOT be a SAHM. in this case her kids would benefit from daycare probably. SOme people are just not cut out for it. My other girlfriend has a 4 yr old and a 7 month old. SHe works 2 days a week, her hubby works 7 days a week, and she is the best SAHMom i know. SHe does stuff everyday with her kids and she is very fortunate that her hubby works so hard so she CAN stay home with them. And she appreciates every minute she can be with them. Two totally different people and situations. No one thing fits all!! I work on a farm, full time, maybe a bit more in the summer months and i have to come home and make supper everynight, do laundry, help with homework, do arrends, grocery shop, keep the house in order, and keep my gardens looking good, and everything else that i cant even think of right now. and i wouldnt change it for a minute. I love my son VERY much, but we would probably drive each other crazy if i were home all day. i need to be doing something ALL the time. for me, i think i would become a bit lazy if i stayed home because i can do everyting i need to do NOW with working 40+ hours that is i stayed home, i would have so much free time, i would just sit in front of the TV and get Fat!! I'm talking about myself of course, not anyone else. Its such a touchy subject because there are so many decisions and opinions on what's best but when people say to me, Oh, you dont stay home with the kids?? i say, No, someone's gotta pay for college! No one really says much after that cuz they kinda feel like an idiot. No one can tell you there is wrong way or a right way, its whatever is best for you and your kids. Rach

We could get by on my husbands salary but it would be a struggle. I don't want to struggle. I work 12 to 18 hours a day so that I only have to work 3 days a week. My hubby picks our son up from daycare on the days that I work and feeds him dinner and gets bedtime started. I get home from work in time to rock and cuddle him to sleep. On the days that I work I miss him so much. However, I love my job. I already have one degree and am working on a second. I worked very hard to get an education and be successful at what I do. I don't really want to give all that up. Besides, W is an only child and we feel like he benefits from being in daycare. He has friends and is learning social skills that I can't teach him. I feel like we have the best situation for me and for W.

I am a brand new working Mum to a sibling group of three. They have been with us for four weeks. I am currently on maternity leave and have two weeks left. I have the option for six more weeks of FMLA which I think I will take advantage. We want the children to be somewhat bonded before I go back to work. The hardest part is my own guilt, and then the guilt my mother lays on me about being a stay at home mum. I have explained multiple times that our finances dictate the need for me to continue work. I am fortunate in that I have the option of working from home also. Just needed to unload a bit I guess! On top of that I am still struggling with going from a home for my husband and I (and our four-legged critters) to three active children. Some days I feel like I have it all together and then other days I wonder if I can do this at all. Is this normal?

I too plan on being a working mom! Im single so its not really an option for me to stay at home, I do need money to eat and put clothes on my back! Definitely do not feel bad about that. it sounds like you guys have a great situation worked out for a little one. Hang in there and ignore the haters :)

I feel extremely blessed to live out the best of both worlds.....working in the school system as an SLP but NOT a classroom teacher gives me more flexibility in my day.....I still get all the holidays off and 10 weeks in the summer (more than regular teachers that need to come in for conferences and setting up their classrooms 2 weeks before) and yet I work and make a very decent wage. If I were married I would still work...albeit I would have looked into part-time like another co-worker of mine that works Tues-Thurs and has Fri and Mondays off. It's my personality....but my personality also makes it easier for me to think of fun ways to spend my day regardless of where I"m at....and as a single parent, work provides me with adult conversation and interaction that I need (I"m an extrovert....fancy that a speech therapist that loves to talk ;) ) in order to be a good and healthy mom when I'm home.

When my daughter was born in 2001 I went back to work, too. Eventually, I transitioned to working at home, which I still do. I'll continue working when we adopt, too. You have to do what's best for your family. If people make weird comments, just remind them that we don't all have to do things the same way to have a happy family life. Or just tell them to mind their own business, depending on your mood. ;)

So very normal.

Happy to say almost a year later that I have adjusted to the work thing and being a mother of three. Probably the hardest part is the days when someone is unwell. We are all doing well. We continue to learn something new about each other all the time.