Adult adoptee survivor of child abuse wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

As I get older I'm becoming increasingly lonely & sad. I'm an adoptee having found both my maternal & paternal families & was physically & mentally abused by my adoptive mother & my older brother who was my adopted parents natural son. I was not protected by my adopted father. I was clothed & fed in a relatively wealthy environment with opportunities outside of the family but lived with the horrors of abuse - I still have very vivid memories. I was discommunicated from my adoptive family after exposing some truths & because I was considered selfish & ungreatful for wanting to find my biological families.I really feel I'm in the middle of all 3 families who bury their heads in the sand with me, I've tried very hard to have a relationship with all of them, forgive & try to heal wounds but they don't want to know. I feel guilty & wonder if there is something wrong with me for all of these immediate family members not wanting to know me. There is jealously & suspicion from my bioligical siblings & I've only ever shown kindness & reliability. My birthday & christmas are rarely acknowledged being close together as well, it is the worst time of year for me. I'm often shifting from place to place to find somewhere to fit in & really don't know of my direction - professionally. I seem to grieve most of the time. I'm only 34 & am fit & somewhat attractive but I am shying away from people & the community because I feel so ashamed with being rejected & abandoned so much in my life. I have been judged by other people because of being adopted.I used to be quite popular at school, uni, in my 20's but I'm scared to form relationships with people & have had much counselling since I was a young adult but I feel displaced because no-one understands what it's like. Mentally I'm considered reasonably healthy but I know I suffer from a low-grade depression because of my predicament. I really want to live a full life. I know there are people worse off & am greatful to be alive but I feel I'm living a half a life.