New To This

I am new to this site, and pretty much new to talking about my adoption issues to anyone. I guess I have had adoption issues as long as I can remember. I was adopted at age 1, and my adopted family always made me aware of the fact that I was adopted...we even celebrated the day they adopted me as my "happy day", and it was kinda like a second birthday. But other than celebrating the day they adopted me, we really never talked about adoption at all. I have an AMAZING relationship with my parents and love them sooo much it hurts. A lot of my issues stem from "what if's" Every time I see someone who doesnt have as good of a life as I do I question what makes me so special and what if my parents never adopted me...would I have ended up in an orphange? I feel guilty every single day...I just can't get over it!!! I have a lot of abandonment issues, as I realize most of us do. My issues aren't the kind where I can't trust anyone or love anyone..I am actually very caring and loving and SOOOO loyal to those who love me. My issues are fear based. I am ALWAYS afraid that the people I love won't love me anymore...I always try to be the funniest guy at the party so that eveyrone thinks I am the best. I always try to be the best friend I can be to everyone I know, so that they will always want me around and never want to leave me. I struggle with so many issues it is hard to put them all down on here. I guess I am just looking to see what others have to say and if others feel the same way as I do. I have the best adopted family in the world...amazing best friends...and the best fiance a guy could ask for. I have an amazing job, great eduction and such a good life...yet I feel alone every single day. I always feel like something is missing in my life....always. A few months ago my sister had asked my mom if it would be OK if she pursued her med. records from her biological family, as she has had some health problems recently. My mom agreed, but eventually my sister decided not to go through w/it..those are he own issues with adoption. but while this topic came up with my mother she started talking about what she knew about my biological mother..and my draw dropped to the floor. Up until then she had never talked about any of this..ever in 27yrs! She told me she knew my bio mother wanted to keep me but was too young and couldnt take care of me so social services took me away..but she reiterated that my bio mother really really wanted me and that I should never feel abandoned. This was soooo weird to hear b/c she honestly has never ever mentioned anything about any sort of specifics with my adoption...and here she was telling me all of this. Of course I guess the question becomes what is worse having abandoment issues b/c your biological mother doesnt want you...or realizing that she did want you, probably still wants you and not knowing if you can/should contact her??? it is what I am currently struggling with.