Is this the "normal" way

My husband and I are in the process of adopting siblings, boy 8, girl 5 from foster care. We are having issues with the foster mom and the case worker. I am just curious if any of you have gone through this before because this is are first time and don't know if this is the normal way. We have visits with the kids once a week and one day on the weekend for now. We did have one overnight about three weeks ago, which went well with the boy but, the girl not so well, she got really home sick to the point on vomiting but, she didn't want to go back to foster mom's home. The kids don't know about us adopting them because TPR isn't granted. There is a court date in late January. One of the problems that we are having is that the case worker will not email or call me back to answer any of our questions like visiting schedules, what is going on with bio parents,court dates, ect. instead of her getting with us she will discuss it with the foster mom and give her answer to her then she tells us. That isn't right. Then the foster mom tells me that the case worker told the foster mom she can make all the schedules on what days to visit and times and that we can just work it out together.....but with her it is her way or no way. So, we will pick a day that works out better for us and we always get shot down. The foster mom says well that won't work it has to be this day and we have to have them back by this time no later. It is like whatever the foster mom says goes, then she calls the case worker then she tells me well the case worker said that is the way that it needs to be. I just feel likes I am a babysitter for her instead trying to bond with the kids. She refused to let us have them on Thanksgiving and now she is refusing to let us have them on Christmas. She says that she is having all of her family in from out of state and it just won't work out. It is always the same story with her. She is an older woman, widow and has three bio kids oldest 40 youngest 36 and one adopted boy 8. Like today the case worker called her and told her that the kids could have an overnight either in the middle of the week next week or the weekend after Christmas. Which I thought was funny because of the one email response that I got back from the case worker in two months she said the weekend before or after Christmas will be fine with her. So, I asked the foster mom about that and she stated well the case worker told me it was up to me and those are the days that work better. I told her that the weekend after Christmas wouldn't work because my hubby had to work & work on his sermon (he is an Assoc. Minister) and that we would prefer the weekend before, that way we can go look at the lights and ect. She told me that she was busy all week and that was the days I had to choose from. Well, we work all week and I can't afford to take off work, then if they stay they would have to get them up early 6 am go back to her house then I would get them @ 3 then have them back to her by 7p. Just crazy. Especially since they live in another town. So, my opitions are the weekend after or no overnight visit. This has been going on since September. My hubby and I are licensed foster parents and I inderstand that she has had them for 2 1/2 yrs and it is hard for her but don't we have a say so in this at all. It is like what we have to say doesn't matter and we don't need to know anything. It is getting so bad that two weeks ago she went to the kids school and said that we were adopting the kids and since we live in another county if is was ok for the kids to contitue to go to this school. Well she got it acomplished. They agreed to keep the kids enrolled as long as we wanted. The thing is that we don't want them to go there to school they need to go in the county that we live in and she knew that. That is the kind of stuff that she does. It is getting so bad that we are pretty much ready to throw in the towel and look elsewhere for adopting. I hate to do that because we do love the kids and the kids say they love us but I don't know if I can handle her in thier life forever...that is right she wants us to give the kids the opition to call or go to her house when the feel they need to, and that she wants to still be involved in their life. She even told the case worker that. We are scaed that she will put it in the adoption forms or something she is that type of person. Well that is my story. I look forward to reading what all of you think about this. I am open to any and all advice. Thank you and God Bless. Merry Christmas