Child Legitimation, Adoption and Bmom Expenses

Listen to Ravens words very carefully. This child will grow up and secrets never remain secret. This is your child - you should be supporting the mother of your child. If you will be raising this child how would you look him/her in the eye if you do not support the mother? Please look into your heart, if you are not willing to support your child now, will you be willing later? Regards,Dickons

I think there is a misunderstanding of my post. 1. Her pregnancy was not planned.2. I never said I was not going to support the child. 3. No, I am not supporting the birthmom after the baby is born because she does NOT want to keep the child and my wife and I want this child and to raise her in our home.4. Medicaid is already paying for her pregnancy care and birth expenses and I will take over when the baby is born. What if she had not told me she was pregnant or that the baby is mine? Medicaid will still pay, and unless I do DNA paternity testing, I will not pay for her pregnancy and birth expenses. Paternity tests are easier after baby is born.Basically I will not shoulder expenses of a pregnancy that I am not 100% sure is mine. I know for a fact that she was seeing someone else too. So there is a chance baby is not mine. Now even if baby is not my biological child, I would still be interested in adopting, and in that case it will be AFTER the baby is born and brought home and will not responsible for medical expenses.

Oh, I'm just about positive that your state's Medicaid program would be willing to wait until after your child's birth for you to begin reimbursement. You know, you can always get the paternity test and then begin payments...it's never too late to reimburse the taxpayers for prenatal care and childbirth expenses for your child. I have to say that I admire your wife for being willing to adopt your child. I would imagine it's a really difficult situation for a woman who is struggling with infertility to know that the child she's adopting was fathered by her husband, assuming she knows it's your baby. Could that be part of your reluctance to legally acknowledge your baby?

If I was your child and found out that you had refused to care for my mother and pay her/my expenses during her pregancy and birth, and did that knowing I was your child and you were going to adopt me, I would be extremely hurt. It would be a slap in the face. It would also be very hurtful to find out that you chose not to be the father on my original birth certificate. There are tests you can do while she is pregnant to determine the paternity. Regards,Dickons

1. My wife knows about the baby.2. I am a tax payer too! So there is nothing wrong in having medicaid cover her medical expenses. We cover her living expenses - rent, food, utilities etc.3. Since I am not 100% certain, I am NOT going to pay medical expenses although paternity test can confirm it, the mother is adamant baby is mine and will not submit to a paternity test. It is also easier to do that after baby is born anyhow.4. She does not want to keep the baby and wants us to adopt the baby. So for practical and legal purposes, we are prospective adoptive parents. And we have decided to proceed that way.Thanks all for your comments.

I'm not sure of the legalities of it, but sounds like since this was not an adoption plan persay, and more of a "surprise", then I don't see why you'd need to pay for her expenses. She can be responsible for her own medical expenses or as you said, be on medicaid. The baby's expenses will be covered by you if you end up as the father. You are not married and right now she is the mother so I don't see why you need to be responsible for her care. What you have though is 2 different outcomes as far as adoption goes.If baby is biologically yours then you do not need to adopt the baby. She will need to terminate her parental rights and you are the father. Your wife can then do a step parent adoption I would think.If baby is not biologically yours then the biological father will have his right to the baby. If he does not want to do an adoption, then you and your wife will not be allowed to adopt the baby. If he doesn't know about the child, there are legal processes everything has to go through to ensure his rights are protected. For this scenario, I highly recommend you speak with an adoption attorney so everything is done the way it is supposed to be done.Since there are so many possibilities and factors involved I think personally I'd be speaking with an attorney to make sure all rights are protected.

Thanks Crick for your comments. That is exactly what the attorney I am talking with has told us. I had planned to call and find out what the cost of medical expenses comes to so that I may pay if Medicaid comes after me. My preference is to legitimate the baby and have my wife so a step-parent adoption.The birth mom is against me doing that because she said Medicaid will take away coverage for her 2 previous children who are on Medicaid right now because she has low income, and they may say she knew the biological all along. She does not want to risk that.We decided to help her out because we have agreed to adopt baby. Georgia has strict laws about what you can pay to a birth mom whose baby you want to adopt. And then there is the issue of not being 100% certain I am the biological father, and that is easier after baby is born which is end of September.Trust me: doing adoption was not my first choice.

Sounds like you're in a bind. Hope everything gets straightened out ok for everyone involved, including baby. I can understand your reluctance as far as paying for the medical expenses for the delivery, but here's what I figure. This child will be born in Sept. Whether or not the child is biologically yours, you and your wife obviously love him/her, otherwise you would not be adopting. DH and I are currently matched with an expectant mom who is due in August. We are not related to her, we are not related to the child; but do you know that if she did not have coverage for her delivery, we would have to pay for it? (she was recently approved for Medicaid) That is our duty as adoptive parents. We want the child, so we have to pay for the delivery. There are 2 ways of looking at this: either 1) you are the biological father, and Medicaid is going to come after you anyway because THEY feel its your responsibility OR 2) you are not the biological father, but the prospective adoptive father, in which case you MAY be expected to cover these types of expenses. I can understand that Georgia may have strict rules on what you can spend on the expectant mother; every state is different. But medical expenses would be the one thing that I would think 90% of states WOULD allow. It's not like clothing or other things which could potentially be optional. If you want a healthy baby, she needs prenatal care, and she needs to be able to deliver comfortable (or as comfortable as you can get while in labor). I know its difficult because of the situation you are in, but think of it as you're doing this for your son/daughter, not necessarily for the expectant mom. Good luck!

Crick, this guy lives in the state of Georgia, which has a Putative Fathers Registry. Most states with putative registries require, in addition to signing the registry, that the biological father show evidence of having provided financial support of the mother throughout her pregnancy. Signing the registry and providing some support during her pregnancy will safeguard his own paternal rights. Yes, right now she's saying that she wants him and his wife to raise the child. But that could easily change down the road -- she could very well decide to place the child for adoption with someone else. If that was to happen, the whole Putative Fathers Registry thing comes into play if the OP wishes to keep his child. As far as the whole Medicaid issue goes... Setting aside issues of personal accountability and paternal responsibility, it is against the law to make any false statements on any Medicaid and/or welfare application form. Every single page contains some pretty heavy warnings at the very bottom that pertain to perjury and fraud. If the expectant mother of this guy's baby is stating that she doesn't know who the father is on her Medicaid forms when she really does, she's commiting perjury and fraud. Some of the paperwork involved in Medicaid applications are actually legal affadavits. Many states are in desperate financial situations right now and are paying much closer attention to possible fraudulent Medicaid and financial-assistance applications. It really doesn't matter what I think about whether this guy should be held financially responsible or not for prenatal care and childbirth. It's the law that matters -- and the laws in every state are pretty clear about paternal responsibility in this regard, especially if he wants to assert or maintain father's rights. (For what it's worth, I do believe strongly that fathers should contribute at least half toward the prenatal/delivery costs of bringing their children into the world. I don't care one iota if they're married to the mother or not. If a man is financially able to pay for prenatal care and delivery (and prenatal care is just as much for the child's health as it is the mother's health), then he should do so. I don't think you should be able to father a child and then let the taxpayers pay for everything just because you don't want to pay, not unless there are some serious financial problems.) Just my own two cents on the subject.

As I said...I wasn't sure on the legalities. I think the baby's expenses are his. However, I'm a big believer in women taking responsibility for their own actions and expenses too. Beyond that...hopefully an attorney figures this all out.

Crick, that's why I said that fathers should be required to pay at least half of the costs associated with prenatal care and childbirth. I don't think the woman should have to shoulder the medical costs alone, and I don't believe the state should have to shoulder all the costs when the father is financially capable of paying the bills. The prenatal care is just as important for the baby as it is for the mother, IMO. I have no problem with mothers paying half of the costs -- I just don't think fathers should get off scot-free when it comes to childbirth expenses. But I guess men will always get the breaks when it comes to unplanned pregnancies in this society...

Thanks all for your comments. 1. Birth mom says I am the father, but I am sorry that I will NOT take as the gospel truth without a paternity test. Indeed if I am going to legitimate baby and have my wife do a step-parent adoption, I MUST have proof from a DNA test. Otherwise we do a regular adoption as though unrelated to the baby (that is if birth mother refuses to have the test done or test proves negative for paternity)2. She says she does not dilate and had her two previous children by CS, and has scheduled CS for this baby too. That shoots the medical costs through the roof. Is this my problem? I believe she deliberately did not want to have the child (and previous ones) naturally.3. I am perfectly fine with working with the hospital/Medicaid to reimburse medical expenses (arrange a payment plan if I have to) AFTER the baby is born, and we can prove its my biological child. Meaning I will NOT take on responsibilities that a biological father would when I am not.4. Courts have ruled (I have several appellate judgments), that adoptive parents are not responsible for reimbursing Medicaid for birth mom pregnancy and birth expenses for a child they subsequently adopt after birth. Of course, in this case the adoptive parents are not related to the child.Bottom line, if child is my biological child, I will be fine with paying or reimbursing the tax payer for taking care of baby for me, but if I am not the biological father, I will not. End of song.

Sounds like that's probably the best way to look at it. If you're the biological dad, then Medicaid will pay for the delivery, and at some point (after the birth) will want to be reimbursed. If you're not the biological dad, then Medicaid will cover the delivery, and you WON'T have to pay for it. This is my understanding of how it works. Good luck! I hope the baby is happy and healthy and that you can move on with your life and your family once the adoption (domestic or step-parent whatever applies) is done.

They don't do c-sections unless there is a good reason. I highly doubt she is having it scheduled for her convience or to spend your money. Its probably what she needs. Sounds like you trying to control her labor and how she is going to have this baby? I agree to wait until after baby is born and see if you are actually the father. Then go from there. This situation is a good lesson for both males andf females to be careful who they have sex with.

Women do not have c-sections (major surgery!) on a whim! Most hospitals now will insist that a woman who had a c-section have subsequent deliveries by the same method (has to do with liability issues).You do realize that if this baby is NOT biologically related to you, she could place him/her for adoption with someone else. I understand that you may have "issues" with her over an unexpected pregnancy but I hope the anger that seeps through toward her is not going to be directed toward the child.