How old is too old to adopt a newborn

I was 40 and 42 when we adopted our two - now they are 4 and 2, and I am 44. DH is 41. If I was 3-4 years younger I would definitely adopt a third! I definitely think about "how old I will be when..." and I worry they may get teased about their oldddd parents when they are teens, but I know we are giving these boys the best life we can. Yes, I get really tired sometimes...yes, I am probably the oldest mom at preschool...yes, most of our local friends have kids at least 10 years older than ours...but I am also amazed at how many of my high school and college friends also have toddlers right now, so I am definitely not unique. I think I am more patient and more "satisfied" with my life than I would have been if we adopted younger...i.e. I don't regret not doing things, because I had time to do many things (travel, etc.) before kids. I can honestly say I'm not sure if I'd adopt a newborn at that age (40) if I already had 5 kids, but you know what you can handle, what's in your heart and what's best for you and your family, so I say go for it! You can always plan and save and get ready in the meantime, and then revisit your decision later to make sure it's what you both still want. Cate

Keep in mind that, adoption or not, people are starting to have children later and later. It really depends a lot on your health and how young you feel. I know some 43 year old who would definitely not want to have a newborn now, but if you feel you can, why not?In the mom club I belong to, I actually think I'm one of the youngest at 30 to have infant twins... quite sure a few are 40 or close. Dh is 45 and I still hope we'll be in a good situation to adopt again in a couple years (although I wish we could adopt a toddler or two then).Honestly I don't think the whole 'I'll be too old when they graduate college' is really a problem until you're 48 or something when you adopt... Plus I think it helps if they have siblings, and it's a bit less of an issue, as they'll always have each other whatever happens.

Beav, I have a thought on this. I was 25 when I relinquished. The ONLY info I was allowed to know about my twins parents was...she was 31 and he was 42. Ohter than the size of home that was basically all I was told. I had no choice in the matter, but if I had this would NOT have been an issue. Being able to Love, honor, respect, guide, and parent a child....is not determined by AGE, money,nor race, this is of course according to what I felt and believe(d) when I reliquished . I wish you and family many more blessings!

I was 38 1/2 and my husband 44 1/2 when we adopted our daughter 18 months ago. We are kind of in the same boat you are in terms of thinking of a second adoption. We need to save money and be in a bigger house so that will put us at 42/48 if we try again. I think that if you have the energy-go for it. I don't think birthparents are as concerned with age as your love for the child. I would think to a lot of bmoms a big family would be a plus also.

We just brought home our baby girl in November, and I am 47, DH is almost 44. AND we are thinking we may do this one more time! Both DH and I are "late bloomers". We didn't marry until we were 38/35, we brought home our daughter from Guatemala when I was 41, and our son from Korea when I was 43. This wasn't how I saw my life working out - no, I always assumed I'd start my family when I was in my early 20s, and have a house full by my mid-30s! I have definitely thought about the age thing. But honestly, isn't 47 the new 37?? People live longer now, and we have younger attitudes than previous generations. I was raised by my maternal grandparents, and they were both 48 when I was born. I went home from the hospital with them, and lived there til I was 20 and got married. They both lived well into their 80s, and even though I was sometimes embarrassed because my "parents" were so much older than the other kids' parents, I loved them completely, and know that I was incredibly blessed by being raised by them. Maybe that gives me a little different perspective, I don't know. But I plan on doing my best to be here for my children as long as possible, and staying healthy and fit, and I hope to actually live to see my grandchildren one day! If you have the desire, and the energy, don't let numbers bother you. Oh, and there are plenty of bmoms who choose "older" parents - it happened to us!

Exactly!! My 20s were "me time" - and, oh boy, did I live life to the fullest!! :banana: I got married at 28 (which I thought was dreadfully young, considering I hadn't actually planned on ever getting married!) I first became a mommy at 34 - and it was wonderful. Not a moment too soon, I think. Tony and I had "our time" to bond, travel, whatever. So now our time is for our kids. The way it should be, right? We are happily married and emotionally and financially secure, which also benefits our children. Now we are 36 and 38 - and still hoping to adopt 2 more children. Whatever your age - younger or older - if you are ready, go for it!!

My first born I was 20 and as you know I was turning 39 when we adopted our dd. I had a rough physical year and had it not been for that YOU BET I WOULD DO IT AGAIN. I feel better now, but since I had made peace with being through, I am still at peace, but obviously you are not at peace. Take the plunge and go for it. Your next baby will be close to you 2 year old and age. Whats' another few year's. I do think 40 is too old for some people, but I think 30 is too old for some people. But not people that LOVE big families.

You are all so awesome! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, giving your practical advice and just being supportive. I know I can always come here when I need to hear others experiences or just to have some warm fuzzies sent my way.I appreciate a different view on things and you are all so right--age is only how old you feel!For now, we will keep praying this is the plan and keep sticking the extra money away for when the time is right-- if that time is meant to be!If not, I am surrounded by blessings and I will just have to admire all your stories of "homecomings" because quite honestly, I dont know if I will EVER get over the "wanting more babies" phase.I guess we feel we have alot of love to give and what a shame not to keep giving it--

I do not think that you are too old to adopt. My parents adopted my brother when they were both 45 years old. My brother was 18 months old. My parents have had children in the 70s, 80s, 90s and 00s. They are awesome parents!

I'm a DHS adoption worker, and definitely would consider placing a newborn with 41/42 year olds! And I do fairly frequently! Here in Arkansas, our "cap" is 45 for a child under 12 months, and I think that's probably a pretty realistic one.

I'm glad that age wasn't a factor for each of our children's birthmothers, as I was in my 40's when I adopted our son and am now in my 50's and we adopted our littlest dd 3 years ago. That's just me; I knew our children were meant to be in our family (once I gave up with miscarriages) and both of our children's birthmoms knew all about us, in fact, selecting us because of our age, family spirit, active lifestyles and love/commitment to our children. If you want to adopt and know that it's the right thing for your family, you'll be fine. My oldest was 20 when her little sister was born and she'd laugh to me how SHE couldn't stay up at night like I did, so glad it was me and not her! I know other moms at 40/50 who are "ALL done" and think I'm nuts, but I am so glad that I'm nuts enough to have dreamed of my two younger children. . . it'll be hard for you to have to wait, but you'll still be fine if you want to be fine in a year or two. . . susan

My husband and I were both 44 when we brought our 12 day old daughter home from sunny CA. Didn't blink an eye. I totally dig being an older mother. I have none of the insecurities that can impact younger parents. Bring it on, I am confident, know the ropes (our son was 5 1/2 at the time). My neighbor and friend brought home her second child from China when she was 53--she is my role model. But you do have to take care of yourself and keep the big picture in mind. You owe your children the chance to have you around for a long time. Which is what is driving me to continue working out and eating salads.

I became a first time mom at the ripe middle age of 45! My husband & I are considering adopting another. Our only concern is he wants a boy & our four year daughter wants a girl! We're tired but blessed!

Hi, Beav No, I don't think you're old! I was 39, my husband 38 when we adopted our son, our first child. Now we're both 42 and just got picked by an expecting mom, and our son is now 3 and a half. We're both healthy, active, and do lots of stuff with our son. (In fact, he and I are taking a wall-climbing class at our local Y! I made it up to the top of the 25-foot climbing wall first try! Take that!) No, we won't retire as early as some of our friends. But most of my "mom friends" at preschool are in their mid 30s to early 40s, so I don't feel like I'm "too old" to adopt another baby...and I have NEVER been asked if I'm my son's grandma. Although if that happens, I will need serious therapy. The point is, if you have time and energy and love to spare, why not do it again? :) When we met our expecting mom, I made a point of saying "I"m 42" at least twice. I should have just worn a T-shirt. But guess what? She didn't care about that. She cared about what kind of parents we would be, how much time we spent with our son, what was important to us, etc. So I say...GO FOR IT! :)

Beav, It's a number, honey. That's all. (Besides....aren't you the one who's family ALSO had to have the rabies shots a couple of years ago because of a bat in your home? Remember me? LOL) If you and your family can withstand the rabies thing (as we had to too), then you CAN to anything!!!!!!! (((HUG))) CaddoRose.....I wanted to just HUG you after reading your post. Others are wonderful here too; but Caddo.....yours just hit the spot this evening! Soooo, here's our story: Adopted the first at 23yrs old; second baby at 25yrs old......went the older child route in our late 30's (not so good as some of you know---but NOT because of our ages); and at our mid-forties, went the infant adoption route again: Adopted our 'first' 'back to infants again in our mid-forties, the next one a couple of years later; and our youngest baby came to us when we were well into being 49yrs old!!!!! He's now 2yrs old and we're 51--each. And, if God allows, we're hoping to adopt 'one more baby' within the next year and we're coming in close to 52yrs old. We're both very active, involved with our kids (heck, I homeschool two of the older ones at home now), and I think if you feel good, have good health, have a good outlook and your family genes tend to give you long life, WHY NOT?????? There are a TON of reasons it's okay to adopt as an older parent; and as some younger parents said to me a couple of months ago (as I sprinted down a long hallway to capture my out-of-control running 2yr old)...."MY GOSH! YOU"VE still GOT IT!!!!!!!" Yep, dh and I do. And I believe it comes from raising little ones and NOT looking back. Yes, bad things could happen health wise, I guess. But, life is life and there's no telling how or when you're going to die, KWIM? As far as finances and this EVER-INCREASING FEE RAISING PLATFORM that agencies/attorneys and adoption entities seem to be on......something's gotta give. For us, I continually watched the interest rates to re-fi our home (got it from 5.875% to 4.875%--fixed). We locked it in---borrowed more along with it to finance our next adoption (if it EVER happens) and our payment is still lower!!!! Is this something people like Dave Ramsey would suggest? No; and neither are my parents too thrilled because they think we should be thinking more about 'retirement and living life for ourselves'. Nope. Don't wanna do that and I'll gladly pass the RV and golf to others, thank you! LOL Save for the next one, keep an eye out for ways to finance the ridiculous fees, and GO for it, Beav!!!! FWIW....my sister and her dh recently brought home THEIR new baby. They're both 58. Now, would dh and I DO this? I dont' think so; but just to show that EVERYONE Has their place and piece of the puzzle---and it's YOUR life to do with what you wish! (Thank you Caddo :) ) Lecture over. :) :) :) Sincerely, Linny