Does this make me terrible?

I think that's fair.I work hard with the school to set it up for him to succeed, but ultimately it's his work to be done. During HW time I am available for questions and explainations, but not for "get-it-done" supervision. He knows I talk to his teachers both by writing in his plan book and by email. They do the same and all his teachers have to sign off on his planner. If he doesn't bring the work home, the he's behind and has to make it up. If I have to go back to the school so he can get it, he has to p[ay me back for my lost time.

I think you've done more then she's doing. Does she have a learning disability or other disability related to organization that should be in her IEP? If not, you've finished school-did someone stand over you while you did it? If she's concerned you are not helping her, provide her LOTS of time and space so she can get her work done. I think sending her to her room to work right after dinner on school nights sounds good. She can go to bed when she's done. Sounds to me like she wants someone to blame for her laziness.

She is bipolar and ADD but very smart. She is the most diisorganized child I have seen. She gets A's and B's on what she hands in it's just that she gets zeros on the stuff she "forgets". She is very lucky her math and science teacher helps her so much. He has ADD so he takes late stuff but next year she has alot of teachers that do not!

My sons IEP allowed for him to meet with a person in the am to make sure he had all he needed for classes and again in pm to make sure he had what he needed to take home. Maybe she needs something like that? She has to learn to live with these disorders so having HER develop a system that will work for her to manage things would be best, imo. I taught my fetal alcohol child to write notes and make lists. It did help him.

Yep the therapist says to just put the ball back in her court.

With the ADD she sould qualify for extra help in organizing at school. Does she have an IEP you can write some things into before you back out?

Nope!it makes you a love and logic parent.By putting in the most effort, you make it your problem. If it is YOUR problem, the kid doesn't need to care about it or worry about it. You should only MATCH the effort she is putting into herself. Each time she steps it up, you should. It isn't about the amount of effort you make, it's the PERCENTAGE of effort.

It sounds like you've done so much already. She's lucky that you are so willing to put in all the effort. Could you use something like a behavior modification plan to get her to put in the same effort? I was thinking that your daughter could get a check from each teacher for each homework assignment completed and passed in. Start with one class, if she did all the homework assignments for that week she could earn a "No Homework Pass" to be used at another time. When she is successful with that, another course could be added along with the possibility of a second "No Homework Pass". It would continue until all classes are included in the plan. Homework is meant to be a review of academic skilles learned in school, since she gets As and Bs getting a night off from homework shouldn't affect her learning. It would be an agreement between you daughter and her teachers so you would not have to be part of the nightly homework drama and just be there for help if she asks. Just a suggestion, I hope you find it helpful.

Yep I'm backing off my effort. She doesn't even have an IEP because her testing and grades do not qualify her. I am hoping if she sees the black and white with her grades being D's and F's she will shape up. I want this to happen now before it goes on her transcript!

... is - unless you already have consequences for poor grades in tact, you must not react to the grades nor lecture (scream, yell, etc.) - it has to be natural and logical - you got a D and F - guess we'll have more quiet study time (that you can implement) and then note - if you want to consequence for same here is where you input - if you get these again next time, there will be no tv on school nights (or whatever is applicable in your home) and while it will involve some tongue biting (yes, I have been here) - she has to be responsible for those grades and any fall out hers - not yours - i.e., not being able to participate in track or cheer as you noted previously I believe - the worse they can do is pull her back a grade and if that is the needed wake up call - it is best at this point not at a later year in her education. Know you are not alone and you have all our support and permission to vent as I do know and feel you will need it before all is said and done! :grouphug:

Ok, I'm going down another path here. Intelligence has nothing to do with disabilty or IEP. If she has a DX for Bi-polar and ADD, she is 'other health impaired' and adjustments can and should be made. From what you are saying, it isn't a case of knowledge of the material, or really effort so much as it is dis-organization. That is an ADHD/ADD thing. What meds is she on? Maybe the meds for ADHD/ADD need adjustment. My son is only in 3rd grade. Focus and organization are very difficult for him. It is ADHD. His brain is moving much faster than he can keep up with. A very small adjustment to his meds have helped the focus a ton, organization improved a little. His school is big on organization and this has helped him a ton. Our school uses a planner -all of the teachers insist the kids use it. They teach the kids HOW to use it. He is in an afterschool program. They don't allow any fun until homework is done. This has also helped him to understand that he needs to do homework in an organized way. HIs room is as unorganized as it gets. It is his space and his place to be unorganized. His bookbag is crazy. But his planner and folders are organized.

Just a thought..."H" didn't qualify for an IEP. "H" was put on a 504 plan. This consisted among other things, of the aide, going through his homework folder with him and helping him go through his desk. There were lots more, but believe it or not, he is now in 8th grade and doing fine. :banana:

Let her fall a time or two. She will learn and realize you can't always be there to catch her. Yes you can be there for support but children need to learn to do for themselves or they will always rely on us. If she does fall she will bounce back and you can let her know you are there to help her up. Yes this is JMO but I hope it helps... from a mom that has been there done that.

Yep tonight I told her she is grounded because she has grades are are F's. That is the rule here. Anything falls below a C and you are grounded until that grade comes up to a C. She is running around tonight, doing her hair etc. I reminded her she has late work. She has like can I get a snack? I said yep, they are your grades and the ball is in your court. That's it.

... even though you know it is necessary and time and all that, it is hard when we know our kids can do it - they just aren't! You aren't alone!!!:grouphug: