Rowan's Finalization

I've come through many hard trials Through temptations on every hand Though Satan's tried to stop me And to place my feet on sinking sand Through the pain and all of my sorrows Through tears and all of my fears The Lord was there to keep me For He's kept me in the midst of it all Not because I've been so faithful Not Because I've always obeyed It's not because I trust him To be with me all of the way But it's because He loves me so dearly He was there to answer my call There always to protect me For He's kept me in the midst of it all On September 21, 2006, my application to give Jory a little sister was logged in and we were on our way. The week of Thanksgiving, my adoption matcher told me not to expect a call until around Easter time. I was okay with that news. Jory and I would have a little bit more us time. Three months later, I brought him a beautiful eight-day-old baby girl, Sasha. I looked at Sasha and I knew all my worries about not being able to love another child as much as I loved the second greatest Christmas present ever, were for not. And who cared if Sasha wasn't as fast and didn't zoom through her developmental milestones like Jory did. She was home and she was mine. And then came the day seven months later, when a judge decided it was in the best interest of Sasha for her to go live with relatives in another state. Whenever I was blessed with a child through foster care, I always prayed that God's will be done in their lives. And obviously, though I didn't completely understand it, this was God's will. Now looking back and with words of wisdom from Aunt Dee Dee, I realize this was for the best. I met a couple who rocked. The Bible on your Ipod? I had never heard of that. For the first time, I met a woman, who was my same age and reminded me of my own journey to motherhood. A journey that included a "Hey God, it's me, Margaret, and I really want to be a mom. Could you, please, tell me when that will happen? And sooner rather than later, you know if it's your will, which I really hope it is." My heart hurt when I placed Sasha in Mell's arms, not just because I was losing my baby girl, but because the first words out of Mell's mouth was, "I'm sorry." Tears flowed from my eyes. Here was what should have been the happiest moment of her life and she's saying these words. It was so different from when Jory was placed in my arms. It was a time of utter and complete joy. Mellany and Johnny, you guys are great parents, to the greatest baby ever born on December 13th, and I've been changed by meeting you and becoming friends with you. Though I do have to do better with the keeping in touch part. After returning home from Aunt Heather's and Uncle Brandon's and finding the court paperwork stating a date and time to decide custody of Sasha sent me into a frenzy. I had no idea what to pray for. Do I pray that she stays with me, which is of course what I wanted? But wasn't that prayer in direct opposition to my prayer that God's will be done in Sasha's life, my life, and Jory's? Or were they the same prayer? I was praying and reading the Bible, seeking counsel from my brothers and sisters, yet complete peace was elusive. Now I see God's hand in the court hearing in everything from seeing that Mell, Johnny, and I were all on the same page that you know you dress professionally when you go to court (I was amazed at the number of people that missed that life lesson), that this couple had been lied to just as I had by Sasha's CW, and ultimately by the peace I felt walking out of the courtroom with the verdict which had not been in my favor. I remember walking down the corridor with my wonderful SW, Maggie, and thinking the queen is dead long live the queen. Granted Sasha wasn't dead, but you get the idea. And I told Maggie to put me back on the list, but not necessarily for a baby baby, but a little girl around Sasha's age and three weeks later the call came and three weeks after that I was standing in front of a house in the South Bay area to pick up Rowan. Rowan was a 6 1/2-month-old baby girl who was cute, adorable, and lovable. She attached quickly thanks to the great and loving care she got from her foster mom and foster grandma and four siblings. But I quickly learned that every child under one is not a blank slate. She would look at me with her brown eyes, so full of love and trust, and all I felt was a strong like. I felt at times like I was babysitting. This baby wanted me to love her fully and completely and I knew one day I would, but at that moment all I knew was she was not the Sasha (side note, Dinosaurs was a great show cancelled too soon and would make a lovely Christmas or birthday present for me). Rowan just wasn't Sasha. She was her very own person. Parenting an older baby opened my eyes to just how much bonding goes on during those 2AM feedings, when you're discovering the genius of Becker and Conan O'Brien, though I have to say Conan's lullabies never put Jory or Sasha to sleep. Rowan reminded me of a word I learned when I was taking a tour of the University of Malta. The tour guide taught us the word "bukara" which he said meant "tomorrow" but not the American concept of tomorrow, but tomorrow as in next week, next month, next year. (Yeah, so obviously the word doesn't mean tomorrow. Crazy countries with siestas.) This word fit Rowan to a tee. While Jory and Sasha had done everything early or right on time, but mostly early, Rowan would just move to the beat of her own drummer. Yes, motherhood had made me slightly competitive. I had to throw away the charts and accept Rwoan did everything in her own time. Yes, my girl would do well in a country that has siestas. I prayed and I was faithful and I knew one day that I would love Rowan as much as I loved Jory and one day I looked at her and I loved her for who she was. I loved the little girl, who taught me that Samoans have a keen sense of smell, because Rowan can smell food from two clicks away and morphs into Macgyver in order to get to the food and drink. No need to dwell here on Sasha's racist CW or Rowan's CW, who hated me, was drunk on the power the job gave her, and had no common sense, but suffice to say no weapons formed against us prospered and everything worked out as God intended. Two beautiful girls born 2 1/2 months apart ended up in households that served and praised God and are now part of families that love them endlessly. On January 13, 2009, after assisting the Judge in pronouncing Rowan's new name and a five minute ceremony, the gavel was banged and Rowan was legally mine. We were all done. Kaleb, Kailyer, and Katarzyna, also better known as Jory, Rowan, and Layla, were all legal Herringtons. We were free of the whims of CWs, scheduling visits with SWs, having to get permission to do things with or for my kids that other parents do without a second thought. That world no longer applied to us. My nearly 28 month journey to give Jory a sister via foster care would not have been possible without the greatest agency in the world, Children's Bureau. And the greatest SWs and staff...the Kathys, Sloane, Maggie, Gaby, Helen. The greatest support group in the world, Child Share South Bay. The greatest yahoo groups in the world and the greatest family and friends in the world. Your prayers, words of encouragement, advice, got me and my dynamic trio through everything and I'm eternally grateful. My uncle came home one April night and saw my grandmother on her knees praying, he thought it was odd that his mother was up so late but he didn't give it another thought, until the next day when my grandmother had a stroke and then a series of strokes that put her in a coma until she upgraded her earthly body for an eternal one. He then wondered what she was praying about, but as a family we knew one thing my grandmother prayed about that last night she was on her knees she prayed for her children, her grandchildren, her great grandchildren, and the future generations of her family that she would never meet. I know my grandma's prayers and the nightly ones years before that she prayed helped bring my family together. Thanks Grandma for being a strong Christian woman who prayed. I wondered if in my uncle's wildest dreams if he imagined as he walked China Beach that his great niece would over three decades later be born there? Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." I pray that God gives me the strength and wisdom to be the parent He wants and needs me to be. And I thank you and praise you God for bringing me and the kids through the good times, the hard times, and the inbetween times. Thank you for the privilege and the honor to be Jory, Rowan, and Layla's mom and whomever else may come along later. This goes out to my man his name is True Blue For all the nights that your Daddy spent away from you For all the days that I told you "Maybe next time" Laid up in the studio consumed with my next rhyme What kind of lyric can I drop to make you think twice About the trials that you're gonna face in this life I can lullaby even point you to the Most High Prayin' every little thing is gonna be all right Someday my love isn't gonna be fulfilling Try as I may, human love it hits a ceiling But I can sow the seeds, say a prayer, this I know If faith can move a mountain Surely God can make His spirit grow in you