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Hi,
I am a 38 yr old single mom of 1. I just found out 2 weeks ago I am pregnant again. I have a 3 yr old little boy that I take care all by myself. The b'father left us, no reason why but he did. When I found out I was pregnant the second time I felt ashamed that I would let this happen and with the hard times that I have now raising a child I know there is noway I can do this on my own, so, I struggled for about a week, I don't believe in abortion and why should this baby suffer because of me. So, I decided to talk to some lawyers and was treated horrible. Now, I had to really concider this childs options, do I have this baby and raise it and what if I can't afford the food or clothes or even diapers? I did the pros and cons and I think the best option is adoption, then you read or hear negitive things about adoptive parents. Then my family finds out and drops me because of adoption, for me the worst part is I have no family support, no friends and all because of my choice to adopt out this baby. I want a better life for this child, I want this child to be happy. I love my son and I do just fine with him, but I can't make it with 2 and all alone, I've been told and called many nasty things. But I feel I let this child down and it's all my fault if this child suffers. Maybe that's part of coping with the feelings I have. I don't know! All I know is I made a mistake and I won't make this baby suffer because of me.
:thanks:
Marie
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Please PM Brenda. I firmly believe that a final adoption decision cannot be made until a parent has met his/her baby eye to eye. I also believe that this cannot be done without support and that Brenda can help you.What about your baby's father? He also needs to support your decision.Sending you blessings and strength for your journey.Happy G'Ma
Marieblanken
Hi,
I found one and working with them and they are pretty nice and telling me to take my time too. I really want the couple or person that adopts this baby to go thru the whole process of the pregnancy, that is really important to me. The whole process of this baby growing is very special and I really want them to experience it. Does that sound strange? But, I understand not all have time for it. I also don't want to see the baby or hold the baby, is that a good idea or will that make it harder for me? What do you all think?
Marie
HI,
My oldest brother showed up yesterday at my door with my sons christmas presents, I talked to him about the whole situation. He's ok with it, but he wants me to be absolutely sure this is what I want. I told him I have made my mind up and theres no going back. He said he and his family are coming back in 2 weeks to spend the day with us. He lives two hours from me and I am afraid that my sis in law is going to want to talk.
As for the birthfather, he left us, haven't heard from him and I won't either. Oh well, the only problem is my son, he misses him so much and that's one of the reasons I am giving the baby up, I won't let him do this to this baby, no way!!! My son Josh has been thru way to much with that idiot. I took my son to mcdonalds yesterday and I seen one of my friends that lives here in the apartments and she ignored us. They just leave us for me wanting this baby to have a better life? That really hurt mine and Josh's feelings. I'm sick of people treating us like crap. I wish now I had kept this whole thing a secret. I'm glad I believe in karma!!
Thanks for letting me vent,
Marie
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I WOULD DEFINITELY HOLD AND LOVE YOUR BABY WHILE YOU ARE IN THE HOSPITAL. YOU WILL NOT REGRET HOLDING HIM/HER AND I DON'T THINK IT MADE IT HARDER. IT WAS EASIER CAUSE I KNEW HE WAS HEALTHY AND I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR HIM AND ME. I fed him changed him and had an outfit that I bought for him to leave the hospital. I HAVE NEVER REGRETTED THAT. I also took pictures of me and the baby to have if he ever contacts me Amy:love:
Dear Marie, You really are such a brave person. I had a wonderful birth mother like you and she wasn't sure she wanted to spend time with the baby when she was born. But after she was born, my dh and I stayed in the hospital room right next to her with the baby and she texted me saying she wanted to see her. I was scared but because we had gone through the pregnancy together (which was wonderful) I wanted our birth mother to have this time with her. To this day we have an open adoption. She has not met her, but we keep in contact through various ways. She is a very wonderful person and has mentioned to me once or twice that she would like to help others in similiar situations. If you'd like I could try to connect you two. Just let me know. Many blessings!
Marie, I'm sorry that you don't have close friends or family to turn to during this difficult time. It's good though that you have found an agency that is making you feel comfortable and helping you to explore ALL of your options and making sure you don't feel any pressure to place your baby. Ultimately it is YOUR decision and you need to do what feels right in your head and in your heart for both you and the baby and the son you are raising. I'm glad you found this forum, in here you will find opinions and experiences from every end of the spectrum--women who have placed babies, women who have adopted babies, women who have chosen to parent, and women who hope to adopt-and all of us are looking for support and advice, and to hopefully give some support and advice in return.
If you'd like to PM me, I may not know all the answers but I can be a great person to vent to.
Hello Marie,
I am a birthmom and an adoptive mom. I was a teenager in highschool when I placed my son for adoption in 1991. The doctor and nurses would not let me see my son after he was born. They said it would make it "too hard on me to do what I had to do." Due to my circumstances at the time, I know adoption was the best decision for my son. I don't regret placing him for adoption. However, not holding him and telling him to his face why I was placing him for adoption has haunted me to this day. In November 2008 my DH and I adopted a newborn baby boy. His birthmom did not want to see him when he was born. I spoke to her nurse and her social worker and begged them to convince her to come see him. I contacted the lawyer who took care of her signing her rights and asked him to convince her to let us bring our son to his office so she could see him. Sadly, she refused all of my attempts. Maybe she believed some doctor or nurse who told her not to see him "for her own good." I may never know. I will strongly encourage you to see your baby when it is born. Neither of my sons got to meet their mother when they were born and my heart breaks for both of them. I don't want that pain for you or your baby.
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Hi Marie,
Just checking in to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I lived closer to you cause I would definately be there to support you. Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk. I am an adoptee so maybe you just need someone there to hear you out. I am a good listener. I am sure Brenda is better to help you, as are other Bmoms, but I just wanted to let you know that I am here too and that I care. It's tough when you feel alone when family and friends abandon you.
EZ
just a thought... instead of attorneys or agencies, have you considered a local priest or rabbi? They generally have a good idea of people, values and who would love to be a parent/family of a baby. You set the terms instead of the agency or attorney. You and the parents to be work together, set the parameters of the adoption ect... we have found this to be the most respectful type of adoption ( we have done 3 types: private, agency domestic and agency intern'l).You can PM me if you would like. Best wishes on your journey.
I would love to help you with this pleases get back to me. yahoo.com You have plenty of time and you did nothing wrong!!!!!! Do not be ashamed. This will turn out wonderfully for all involved because you are such a loving caring mom!!!! God will bless you in this situation, Which is a blessing in itself. God has reasons for everything we just don't know them!!! I have been thruogh the same thing. Get ahold of me.
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Hello,
I'm a single mother of five children and a birthmother to my first born making it six children. I wanted a better life for my firstborn too. I wanted her to have what I couldn't give her: a father. So I chose adoption. I was hurried through the decision ;though, and belittled into choosing adoption. I was riduculed and told I wasn't even a mother. If I would have had anybody to support me and help me be a mother I would have kept my first born. All I needed was a little encouragement.
But this is YOUR decision. It doesn't matter what anybody is telling you because this is you not them. It's best to stay around positive people who aren't going to put you down if you choose adoption. This is your choice not theirs and you have to be the one to live with your decision.
BMTEXAS
birthmother to one
mother to five
p.s. Feel free to write me anytime.
Hi Marie:
My heart really does feel sad for you that people are not helping you through your decision, I too have lost people in my life because of the decision I am making to make an adoption plan for my child. It is so sad that people can turn out so unsupportive in the end huh? I think you are a very strong and courageous woman and dont let anyone make you feel any other way. What you are thinking of doing is going to be the most amazing gift for a wonderful family you choose.
If you ever feel sad and want to talk I would love to have someone to talk to!
Stay Strong!
Martha