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Sorry, I am just in one of those moods and reading the ads on here and all over the place with titles like:
"Pregnant? We can help?". or "Pregant? What can we do to help?" or any other number of "Can we help?" kind of ads for girls who are pregnant.
They aren't wanting to help the girl keep her baby! They are wanting to help rip that baby from her arms! They don't want to help her learn to be a good mom or to help her financial situation to make sure her baby is raised by her because the baby needs it's own mother.
I just get SO angry reading those titles because they are out to help themselves to ruin a girl's life by taking her baby. They are out to get the money for her child from adoptive parents. They are out to help make their own pockets fatter with all the money they get from whoever is involved in making sure that baby is taken from it's mother and convince her she is not the "right" mom.
God, it just makes me so angry thinking about how people in the "business" or just anyone who could possibly believe that the girl/woman who is pregnant
with a child ISN'T the "right" mother! :hissy: :hissy:
I mean, how could the pregnant girl/woman NOT be the right mother!???? Why do people think a child needs another mother who can give the child "things" or have "two parents" or whatever ELSE they say the biological mother will never be able to give the child???
Most woman's circumstances are temporary! Eventually they can have good circumstances in their lives and do for their own child what they've been convinced by everyone around them they aren't good enough to have the chance for or have convinced them of the ridiculous things that they will NEVER be a good mom or a good provider or whatever else. It makes me sick!
Adoptive parents are just people! They aren't "perfect" not all of them are rich. A LOT of them get divorced in their child's lifetime! There are so many different situations with those who adopt that are no better than the birth mother that it makes me sick to think that birthmothers are made to believe THEY are nothing and will be horrible parents to their OWN child!
I just want to scream and scream until my throat goes hoarse. I can't stand what society decides is "best" for the baby or the unfair and unreasonable judgement of the birth mother.
Although I am a christian my opinion is this....
WHO GIVES A CRAP IF A WOMAN HAS SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE AND GETS PREGANT???????
Just because a woman gets pregnant without being married doesn't make her any worse than those who have sex without being married and DON'T get pregnant! And it doesn't make them any worse than a person who adopts a child. She is just as good as the adoptive parents but no one will give them the chance to believe in that and keep her own baby. It's sickening!
AARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!
Rylee
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I was also not brave in my opinon. I was a coward for not standing up and saying, "NO I"M KEEPING MY BABY!" It makes me sick thinking about the fear I had if I didn't just do what they told me to do. I didn't know I had rights. I didn't know anything and I just let them take my baby :hissy: :hissy: :hissy:
Had I only known what was going to happen to both of us. It truely makes me sick I was so weak.
Rylee
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Rylee, I'm right there with you. Sometimes the anger is so intense that it threatens to consume me. I was not brave...I was not courageous...I was scared.
If I had been truly brave, I would have told the doctor, nurses, social worker, and my mother where they could go. And I would have grabbed my baby son and moved out on my own. Actually, I should have left with his father and ignored my juvenile probation officer's warning. She threatened me with violation of probation if I attempted to marry his father. I should have stood up to her - I should have stood up to the court - and I should definitely have stood up to my own mother.
What I have a hard time stomaching is the fact that expectant mothers who are contemplating placing their babies for adoption are given the "oh, you're making such a loving, unselfish decision". But one or two years later, the birth/first mother finds out what society really thinks of her...that she is cold and selfish. So it really does come across as a lie, as a tactic to get a scared woman's baby.
On another note...yes, moms who lose their babies to miscarriage and stillbirth do hear some terrible things. I don't know why some people are so thoughtless when they say the things they do to a woman who has just lost her baby. My mom is 72 years old, and she still mourns the loss of my twin brothers who died in utero when I was 4 years old. Even though 50 years have gone by, she still misses them and mourns them from time to time, usually around the time they would have been born.
Theatrenerd
firstly that it is an adoption agency's job to find mothers who feel they are at the end of their options and are considering adoption. It is also their job to find these children homes. It is not their job to give the mother support in raising a child herself.
If these mothers are visiting sites dedicated to adoption they obviously are still making up their mind and therefore need to find information to help their decision either way and quite honestly websites dedicated to mothering and those dedicated to adoption both have a strong argument and opinon to sway decisions their way. Or they may be visiting these sites because they have now made up their mind and are looking for the right agency to work with them to get the type of adoption and relationship that they want.
Wow bromanchik, that's the way it should be for sure! I wish it was that way in all agencies.
The one thing that really bothers me about the agency that handled the adoption of my daughter is they STILL have the same attitude in everything.
When I went in to a counseling appointment there a few months ago (before my mom had surgery) I was in the waiting area and I picked up a book they had on the table between the chairs.
It was a ring binder full of typed up information about WHY it was best for a single pregnant girl/woman to give her baby up and give it all the chances in it's life that it could have.
Things like "stable parents" (sheesh where did MY daughter's stable parents go? They sure didn't follow this part when MY daughter was adopted),
A "good home with spiritually uplifted people who know the gospel" (ummmm, my daughter turned out to be a satan worshiper. ummmmm where did the "spiritual people go"?)
All the love they can handle, (again where did MY daughter's "loving" parents go?)
And a bunch of other "reasons" it would be "better for the baby" if it went to another home than the girl's home.
It even talked about how the parents of these girls should not condone it or keep the baby in the family because the girl needs to "grow up" and needs to "move on with her life" and having the baby in her home even if the parents were helping her to raise it would be bad for her and the baby, and all that other CRAP.
It made me sick to my stomach to read all that stuff because it's what they were telling us in the 70's when MY daughter was taken from me!
I guess it's why I've had a hard time being able to go back to the agency and talk to the counselor. That day I'd read that book was the last time I went.
The counselor has offered to have our sessions over the phone once a week but I just can't seem to "find the time". A lot of that has to do with my having to take care of my mom and having all the stuff going on that is going on right now but other reasons are my belief she isn't really in it to help me but to change my thinking about the adoption in the respect that it was the "right thing to do" for both my daughter and I. I just can't handle hearing that kind of crap right now and I don't know if I'll ever handle hearing it.
I just hate adoption and what it does to people and children and just the general emotional states of minds people have who are in the triad.
I just wish sometimes God would send kids to woman who want them and not allow the ones who don't to get pregnant. But of course then he'd be practicing "birth control" and no one would have to make choices or whatever and the condom companies would be out of business as well as the fertility doctors. I guess he wouldn't want to do that now would he? lol
Anyway....................................
Rylee
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Rylee, I don't blame you one bit for not going back to that agency counselor. If I had seen their marketing materials in the ringed binder on the table, I probably would have walked out...or maybe I would have torn it up.
I cannot believe they're still spouting the same stuff they did back in the Baby Scoop Era. It just keeps going on and on and on....
Jenna had a great idea when she said to start a facebook cause on this issue, so I did exactly that.
Here is the link:
[url=http://apps.facebook.com/causes/228434?m=085363e0]Causes | Birthmom Awareness | Facebook[/url]
I think you may have to copy and paste it in your browser bar bacuse it does not want to seem to allow me to link to it. Sorry!
I am not sure how well it will be recieved but I feel like if I help just one potential birthmom make a truly informed and educated choice then it will be well worth my time and energy.
Please check it out and tell me what you think. Do you have any advice on things I can add to it or anything like that? I look forward to any and all input on this.
Thanks
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I joined. That's a great idea. I have wanted to become involved in birthmother's rights awareness, but I am not sure how to go about it. I was also one of those birthmoms who was only 15 and completely uninformed about what was going on. My parents and the private lawyer took charge, and I felt like the last person to know anything. It was, and still is an awful feeling.
As an aparent, or rather, an infertile woman, I have been told that if God wanted me to be a mother, he would make me pregnant, and that God doesn't want me to be a mother for some reason, and I should accept his plan.As an amom, I have turned down potential matches, where the expectant mom seemed to want to parent, but just was scared. I can honestly only raise a child whose first parents, TOTALLY no longer want that job. Not everybody is toxic that way regarding adoption...and just like any grouop of people, isn't it always the obnoxious idiots, who are the loudest and most ignorant?? Whenever I meet someone who identifies themselves as having placed a child I am sure to treat them with the most care/respect possible...conscious of fragile emotions. Several are very good friends of mine.I'm so sorry that you haven't met more people who are this way, because I know lots of them....I also try to combat stereotypes and mis-informed notions whenever I run across ignorant opinions of the adoption triad....It really irks us aparents too....
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