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I'm a pretty honest and open parent when it comes to my kids asking questions. Particularly when they ask about sex. I figure if they are asking, then they are ready to know answers.
However, this past week gave me questions I am NOt ready to answer and I don't feel my 11 year old needs to know the answers to just yet. The only reason she asked is because of something she read on the bus. Sigh...sharpie pens, crude drawings and teen tudes gave her some "education" she really truly didn't need.
How do you handle these types of questions when it comes to knowledge beyond basics and true education? And let me just say my dd is smart and inquisitive, so a "You don't need this information now" doesn't work for her.
Thoughts?
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Aspen - I've told her that sex is serious and it's for marriage. Now whether she'll wait til marriage is her choice and all I can do there is make sure she knows it's supposed to be special and with a special person and is safe about it. As a parent, I hope she does not have sex before she is married, but I also know it might not happen that way.
I just don't want to explain certain positions and methods to her yet. Or certain terms. We did though talk about terms and how derogatory they are and how a lot of sex talk is demeaning to women. I'll be having that talk with my 12 year old son too!
Single - Good point on the STD's. And I agree about some fear! LOL! Now...where's the chastity belts!?
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Singlemom619
I just want to throw in - for any other parent that reads this thread - that when/if you answer or hear ANY questions about ANY type of sexual activities you need to tell your child about the risks - including STDs. Kids are having "other" types of sex now because they think they won't get pregnant but they don't realize that they can still get STDs... And let's be honest - if kids really understand how nasty STDs can be, that'll probably scare them away from doing some things for awhile longer (at least it did for me when I was young - haaha)
Oh yeah - my boys know NO MEANS NO... they're not to the age yet where they're even talking about girls yet (10 year old is pretty immature) but they will get talks about not pressuring or putting themselves in bad situations... I think it helps that they're raised by a single mom.. .I hope that helps :)And yes - I am graphic about how nasty STDs are - and when they're older they'll even see pictures... in Sex ed classes STDs are only briefly mentioned around 6/7th grade and some districts do show pictures of them in high school - I'll be ahead of that game :)
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My 8yr old AD recently told a 13yr old friend that she, my AD, is obsessed with sex. She also wrote a secret tale about her telling how she has had sex. Upon inquiry she stated it was twice at fosterhomes before she came to live with us. Once was with a teenaged girl and once with a child younger then herself. We called our AW (the adoption just finalized 1/13) and told her about our AD statements and she said there is no history of abuse ever being reported. AD also wrote about a friend from school recounting a story of the girl having sex with another girl. All of this started about the time AD started mentioning the friend at school. AD's definition of sex seems age approiate. My problem is how do I decide what to tell her and what should wait till later. I don't want to educate her beyond what she already knows, I just want to get her help if she needs it.
Considering that 11 and 12 year olds are having blow job parties because they don't consider that 'sex', it's probably important to start arming her with information. Ignorance and naivety in that age group is dangerous. The only way to truly protect kids is to inform them, not to hope the problems will go away.
sstuart
For STDs I let them know about the puss and scabs. It doesn't always help to just say you can get them--What will that disease look like??
And for those with boys--my big fear is an accusation of date rape. Tell them if there is any type of hesitation at all--Stay away. A false accusation can still ruin a life.
And good for all of you for being open about it!:clap:
I
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My 12 yr old girl knows a lot already because I tell her. She needs to be prepared for what might come her way, like someone suggesting a particular thing and if she doesn't have a clue what that terminology means then she is in line for a huge and unhappy surprise and possibly a situation where she could be forced into something.
Those derogatory or colloquial terms are what she will hear. She won't hear it described like we would with nice words. Granted, there are some things she hasn't heard from us yet, but I was so proud of her when she got into this conversation with my Mom about gay people and sex. ( My Mom, bless her heart, thinks that gay people are going to hell) We're very open with her about people who are gay and many friends who are, so when my Mom asked her if she knew what gay s_x was, she said yes. Mom thinking she couldn't possible know, asked her if one man doing that to another didn't gross her out and she said no. What they do is their business, not mine. (Hooray for her, she held her own!!!)
She has on occasion had to explain a lot of things about sex to her friends because their parents won't tell them.
She also uses the real word for body parts.
I get the heebie jeebies just thinking about what kids tell at school. We are open about sex and the body as is age appropriate. Funny story, when I told my daughter the "sex makes a baby but not all sex results in babies" talk, she looked puzzled and then said, "You mean my teacher has had sex?" Anyone who had a child had done the deed and she saw people in a new light, lol. She was 8 then and we still laugh about it.
In_limbo_for_now
My 8yr old AD recently told a 13yr old friend that she, my AD, is obsessed with sex. She also wrote a secret tale about her telling how she has had sex. Upon inquiry she stated it was twice at fosterhomes before she came to live with us. Once was with a teenaged girl and once with a child younger then herself. We called our AW (the adoption just finalized 1/13) and told her about our AD statements and she said there is no history of abuse ever being reported. AD also wrote about a friend from school recounting a story of the girl having sex with another girl. All of this started about the time AD started mentioning the friend at school. AD's definition of sex seems age approiate. My problem is how do I decide what to tell her and what should wait till later. I don't want to educate her beyond what she already knows, I just want to get her help if she needs it.
I come from an abused childs prospective, however much I had done to me, my true sex ed came at 17 while babysitting. A 11yr old handed me "the Joy of Sex" from the shelf in her livingroom, she wanted to know what oral sex was. I knew but was not willing to put it into words. She flipped to a page as if she were familliar with the book and asked "is this it". Later the same day I flipped every page. While it worked for me I don't want a child who is looking for love to get the two confused and think sex=love... I guess I will go to the book store and look for a book.
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TxMom65
Funny story, when I told my daughter the "sex makes a baby but not all sex results in babies" talk, she looked puzzled and then said, "You mean my teacher has had sex?" Anyone who had a child had done the deed and she saw people in a new light, lol. She was 8 then and we still laugh about it.
