Intrafamily Adoption?

So sorry no one has responded... Personally as long as everyone is on the same page and can stay on the same page it should be a good thing. Also being absolutely truthful to everyone in the family as secrets have a way of surfacing and the fall out can shatter the closest of families. As an adoptee from the closed era one of the hardest parts is not knowing your roots. It may sound silly but not knowing who I looked like was a missing part of my self identity and whether or not my features all fit together. I cannot explain the surreal experience of meeting many members of my birth family for the first time and seeing different parts of me in them...to truly see for the first time that my face was a face reflected in the faces of others...being adopted into my birth family would have resolved that which could not be done otherwise... I would recommend that you ask your question in the birth family forum as well as they may have some suggestions on how to work together for the good of all as there will be much joy and pain that need to be balanced. Kind regards,Dickons

Adoption from a 2nd cousin should be fine It is only when the bio-parent is a close family member that the boundaries become blurred. Being willing to keep contact with the birth family is a plus. It will make it more comfortable for the whole family -- there won't have to be any "secrets". Good luck!

I absolutely want to be open with the child and explain as much as is age appropriate. I work in politics and worked on a bill in CA many years ago to grant adoptees access to their original birth certificates and I remember the pain and frustration that so many of them had about the secrets surrounding their births and adoptions. That is not something I would want my child to go through. I'm sure every adoptees has struggles with it, but it seems to me that secrets only make it harder. I appreciate the responses!

we have adopted my first cousins baby... with really similar circumstances.... we live away from her and the extended family.... it has worked out great so far (she's almost 1) personally, i think it's a huge bonus for her to be raised with close genetic ties... even though she doesn't really look like us... she looks exactly like the rest of the of the extended family!

We adopted our nephew--my husband's brother's child. DS was removed from the birth family due to neglect. Bparents were both doing drugs, etc. Our concern was this child growing up and wondering why no one in his family wanted him--he was older when taken into foster care and had memories of family. I feel very strongly that family connections should be maintained for children, and a child should be brought up by a relative whenever possible. I think this is important for a newborn as well as an older child. We are separated from the rest of the family geographically so we don't have any daily dramas, etc. We visit maybe once a year and see bparents very briefly. Our lil guy is doing great. It's important to BE the parents, and not fall into a "co-parenting" relationship with any other family members. Best wishes on your decision--

Hi thank you for your reply to this post. Any more info you may have about good, stable family boundaries would be greatly appreciated!

I was adopted into my bmom's family, by her uncle and it worked out okay. The only issue is I never saw her for 20 years because my dad (her uncle) and her dad did not get along too well and it was too painful for her.

Ramned, sorry if this is OT.. you're the first adult adoptee by relative I've met! Do you think there were benefits to being kept in the family? Even without the parental contact? Do you think there were negatives? Is there anything your APs could have done to make it better? thanks!!

It definitely made reuniting easy, there was no search, it was a matter of my dad calling my granddad. I am sure there are more benefits, but I can't think of them. Being adopted in the same family definitely not a bad thing, I might even prefer it over going to a different family. The negative is it caused animosity and friction in the family. I don't know exactly why, but it did. APs never talked to or met my bdad, they only sent him one picture when I was four. They should have talked to him before the adoption instead of taking my mother's parents word for it (they hated my bdad) and should have made more effort to keep my b's in the loop.