Adoptive parents have a different faith, how do I deal?

I'm honestly not sure what the Roman Catholic church currently teaches about Wicca or Native American beliefs. In my understanding (as a Lutheran),neither qualify as "devil worshiping or evil". Many horrible acts have been perpetrated in the name of Christ at one time or another. Frankly, I don't believe God condoned any of them. Jesus defined the "law" as loving God and our neighbors. (Doesn't sound like genicide is the will of God to me.) Having allowed her to be adopted by Catholic parents, I'm not sure there's much you can do. They are bound by their faith to bring her up in the church. She may well feel this is what she wants right now. You could write letters that share what you believe as a wiccan and what your native american ancestors believed so that she can have a fuller and positive understanding.

last I checked, the pope stated that "Earth Based religions were the biggest threat to the church and the Devil's work". I used to have the article from a catholic news site but I can't find it now. I'm so upset by this, I feel that it's a slap in my face. She's not old enough to decide or understand what kind of oath she is taking at this age, and I sincerly doubt that she's been exposed to any other ideas, faiths ect. I'm furious about the whole experience. I didn't give her up by choice, I was forced to do so by my family. The agency lied to me and never told me that open adoption agreeements are not enforcable by law and not recognized by the courts! I should sue them for fraud and put them out of buisness!

Here’s the deal: even if you’d placed your daughter with parents who vowed to raise her in a pagan-based faith, they as parents can change their mind. Families change religions all the time. Frankly, I question whether you really do respect their religion when in the same breath you use the term “Jesus freaks”. When we made the choice not to parent, we lost control over those things and it can be painful. The son I placed was raised as a Mormon; so was I. I am happily agnostic today. When I married my husband we made the choice that we would let our children explore lots of different faiths and choose their own. One daughter at 24 belongs to a non-denominational church; the other at 21 considers herself as “searching”. It’s all fine with me. As someone who had religion shoved down my throat, I hope they appreciate the fact that they had the opportunity and encouragement to openly explore. I wouldn’t have chosen Mormonism for either of them…but it isn’t my choice. I feel the same with the son I placed. His parents, according to his non-identifying-ID, are listed as LDS. I assume he was raised that way. But as an adult he has the choice to decide if that‘s what he wants for himself. I gave up the right to guide him when I placed him with other parents. It all seems harsh, doesn’t it? Ultimately your daughter will decide what religion she follows. At 12 maybe she understands and believes in the vows she took…maybe she doesn’t and will decide differently as an adult. The real truth is that nothing can change her heritage or the blood that runs through her veins and hopefully you’ll get the chance someday to share your background with her. And perhaps she’ll meld the two. Despite genetic heritage or familial faith, our choice of religion is ultimately a decision we all make or re-confirm as an adult.

Do you know with certainty that she has not been exposed to other faiths? Or perhaps that she wishes to be confirmed on her own?? I would tread lightly with this one. The truth is, this is really out of your hands, no matter what verbal agreement you had. And even if you had placed your daughter with Wiccan aparents, they still could decide to convert to any other religion or no religion at all. My son identifies very strongly with his aparents cultural background, which is not his blood background. It does bring up mixed feelings in me, but I also take it as a positive that he is so strongly identified with his family and extended relations. Obviously, he bonded very strongly with them, which is what I would want for him, even though I wish he could be bonded with me and my roots. Your daughter could be aligned with her aparents faith simply because that is what her family is involved with. It doesn't mean they are shoving it down her throat or are "jesus freaks" as you put it, but that there is a connection in their community (if they are part of a parish, for instance) that is just a part of her life. Maybe your daughter has friends in that church and wants to be part of that community. I think if you come on to your daughter's parents with both barrels, demanding they not have her confirmed, or demanding to know to what extent she has had exposure to other religions, you may end up doing more harm than good. You could try to gently share your concern that your daughter will lose her cultural and religious heritage, but the bottom line is it is still their decision. As you get to know your daughter more, can you share your religious and cultural hertiage with her so she can learn from you what her roots are? She may or may not take an interest in them, but I don't see any harm in sharing this with her and letting her be exposed to her hertiage this way, rather than getting into a big conflict with her parents. Also, keep in mind that even if you were able to keep your daughter and raise her, she may end up rejecting your religion and not have much interest in her cultural heritage. Kids often go against their parents' teachings and traditions.

I think the others above have said everything and more that I wanted to touch on. All great points!:) One thing I wanted to add is that if you do talk to her parents about this situation, I would strongly caution against saying things such as "I don't like what you have taught MY child" and the like. She is also their child and if you don't respect and honor that, it's unlikely you'll have contact again until she herself wants to contact you and makes her own decisions about that. It wouldn't be fair to her either, to put her in a situation where she might feel she needs to choose between her parent's beliefs and her bmom's beliefs. She's 12 and just coming into the stage of life where you start thinking about who you are as a person and how you might differ from your parents. Putting her in a tug of war would not be wise, imo.

I completely understand your worries. I was raised Catholic and am now a Wiccan. Practicing Catholics are very harsh when it comes to nature-based religions so I fully understand that you're worried your daughter will reject you based on your faith. I also get that she is part Cherokee (who have a beautiful respectful nature-based faith) and Irish (who have Celtic pagan roots) and that she should be taught about this ancestry. Well, I agree! I think by ignoring her religious roots, her adoptive parents are doing her a disservice. I think you should have an open and frank discussion with your daughter's adoptive parents and let them know that although you respect their decision to share their religion with your daughter, you would also like her to know about religions associated with her ancestry. There is nothing wrong with her learning about her roots. I would seriously stress to them that you're not trying to convert her or teach her about "devil worship" (Catholics are so scared of that) but that you want to make sure she is well-rounded and understands where she came from. Here are some ways you can share your religious roots with her: * Send her a DVD of a Cherokee pow-wow * Send her a childrens book about nature-based religions * Send her a CD of native american drumming * Send her a doll that represents a Cherokee * Send her a CD of celtic harp music * Send her a book of Cherokee folklore * Send her a t-shirt with a native american image or with celtic knotwork on it Above all else, stay in her life. I don't know why you stopped communication but you're in her life now and you need to stay in her life, no matter what. Your presence will be appreciated one day when she's older and has questions that only you can answer. Please remember to approach her adoptive parents with respect and love. You chose them oh so many years ago because you trusted them to be the best parents for your daughter. Try to remember that as you speak to them, calmly and with respect. Good luck!

One more thing, FWIW. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school for 12 years. I do not remember being told that Wiccan and Native Amercan beliefs were the work of the devil. And if I was told this, I'd have felt, even at age 12, that it was a bunch of hogwash, anyway. I was very interested in Native American history and literature and read a number of books about different Native American leaders all throughout grade school. Books that I found in my Catholic school library. I'm not sure why the oath of confirmation, with the wording "rejecting Satan" should be so offensive. I see it more as a renunciation of evil, not as being brainwashed or taught to go against other religions or cultures. I certainly didn't get that message in all my years of Catholic upbringing, despite what the church's position may or may not be.

I am a Catholic who went to Catholic school for 16 years and I don't remember being taught anything about Pagan or Wiccan religions. I also remember that being confirmed meant that I could pick a "third" name out. I am pretty much a "lapsed" Catholic now and have respect for every faith, but I don't regret my upbringing at all (I even did a year of volunteer work through the Jesuit Volunteer Corps, and many of my friends were volunteers on reservations...and we learned how much native culture had been lost in the name of "missionary" work, etc.). You can't expect Catholics to raise their child as a Pagan/Wiccan nor can you expect your daughter to want to embrace a religion that is foreign to her (it's not as if she has known you/seen you practice your religion). As Goddess says, you certainly can share your religious beliefs with her. But I would really tread lightly here....I don't mean to offend you but I do worry about your alienating your daughter and/or her parents unnecessarily. People really need to constantly make decisions about their faith and your DD will have the chance to do that when she is an adult. Good luck!

Most Catholic families have their children christened (your daughter was very likely christened as an infant) and have them go through confirmation. After that, in the eyes of the church they are Catholic, whether they ever set foot in a church again. My daughters were adopted from a Catholic Central American country. It was the request of the mother that they be christened in the Catholic Church, even though I was NOT Catholic and they knew the children would be raised Baptist. For their mother's peace of mind, both were christened in beautiful handmade lace dresses. (They were now eligible to marry into Catholic families, had they wished to.)After 20 years of attending and being baptised in the Baptist faith, as adults one is Episcopal and one is non-denominational.As for your daughter's Irish/Cherokee bloodline -- well the Irish were as solidly Catholic as many Hispanic countries.And if she wants to honor her American Indian ancestry, she could choose Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha who is an American Indian Catholic Saint.

I'm going to have to go with the others in that you really don't have a choice in this. When we place our children, their faith becomes the responsibility of their adoptive parents. If you were uncomfortable with Catholocism you should have chosen a different family. There are always going to be people in this world that feel that other religions are evil. That's the way it works. Your statement of "Jesus freaks" is pretty offensive when you want your faith to be accepted for what it is. If my first mom came roaring in mad at my mom and dad for raising me Lutheran when she wasn't, I don't think I'd probably be too impressed with her. You need to be calm about this and not force YOUR beliefs on them. Remember you made the choice.

To what others have written I'll add that Catholics aren't monolithic in what they believe. Lots of Catholics pick and choose from the church's teaching on all sorts of things ranging from birth control to divorce. My guess is that most don't put much thought into pagan or Native American religions one way or another. I certainly never did as a youth. Also, as many others have pointed out, they're not raising your daughter, they're raising their own. I don't mean to be insensitive, because I know that she'll always be yours in a sense, but they've been her parents for the last 12 years and are now responsible for her. If you want her to know something of your background and beliefs, I'd very much recommend that you avoid confrontation, and just suggest to the parents that you'd like to have an opportunity to teach her some things about what you believe in. I'd avoid speaking ill of the Catholic faith as I think that would only create conflict and make them inclined to shut you out. It's possible to point out differences while still being respectful of what everyone believes.

Practically nothing, but the party or celebration afterward and the gifts she got. I was raised Catholic and am not anymore. The kids learn the whole spiel by rote, and say it without thinking about what most of it means. It just means you are growing up -- it's a rite of passage. I don't even REMEMBER my confirmation for the most part. Who was there, what I said, whatever. And Catholics are rarely vocal against any other religions, it's just not that way. We were always told -- in my 17 years of Catholic school -- that people of other religions can go to heaven or whatever, provided they were good people. If I were you, I'd not get stressed out over it. Robin