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REMINDER - THIS THREAD IS OVER A YEAR OLD. PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF THIS BEFORE REPLYING.I am posting this hoping that someone out there has been through something like this and may have some words of wisdom. A little about me:33, single and pregnant (12 weeks). The father has no interest in me or the child and doesn't call, visit or seem to care if we are ok. He has 2 other children already and cannot hold a job (this I unfortunately learned too late).My parents are not supportive and have made it clear that I screwed up and even my mother (a catholic!) told me I would be doing the baby a favor by having an abortion. They are not well themselves, my mother abandoned me at 16 and my father is a chronic alcoholic who hasn't worked in 22 years. I lost my job 3 months ago when the attorney I have worked for since I was 23 passed away. I have been actively looking for a new job.I am so frustrated with myself every day for getting into this position. I have always been so careful with birth control, this literally was a one time thing. I visited a crisis pregnancy center and although I know they mean well, I do not think that the women there are qualified to be counseling a woman in a crisis situation. They gave me an ultrasound (I am thankful for that - especially since it was free!) but other than that, just a bottle of pre-natal vitamins, a book and a huge packet full of government #'s, Medicaid info. etc. No other assistance. One even suggested I sleep on a church pew if I cannot continue to afford to keep my apartment. I've been to Medicaid, and waited at the office, filled out all of the paperword etc. 2 months ago and still have no coverage. I was told today that I was supposed to have something notarized - I had no idea - so I am going back tomorrow to see if I can rectify things. As of today, I have not been able to receive any pre-natal care. Despite popular opinion, I have not been able to find ONE single OBGYN in my area that will accept you with pending Medicaid. The best one would do for me is see me if I pay out of pocket $365 which I cannot afford! I haven't found any clinics that will see me with no income or insurance. I don't know where all these supposive resources are, all one has to do is call around to a few docs and explain you have no resources and see how far you get. :( It's incredibly humiliating and sad. This stress has all been too much for me and I am off my depression meds while being pregnant which I know is making things worse (I have a long history of severe depression with hospitalizations.) I am terrified it's just going to get worse. I fear that I cannot care for this child properly and just wish I could see a way ahead. Thinking it would be better for the child, I did meet with a woman from an adoption agency and she said that in the dire straits I am in now (I am unemployed, don't have a place to live after May 1) that she can't help me. It could take months to get the ball rolling on the adoption and in the meantime I have no help. It's against the law for the agency to help me financially in any way. I cannot apply for TANF (temporary aid for needy families) through the government until I am 6 months pregnant.If one more person tells me to start calling churches and asking for help (I have done this to no avail) or that there has to be help, I am going to scream! I have had churches literally laugh when I called. Some were willing to help with diapers and formula, but they can't offer me any help now. I feel like I have looked and looked for help and there is none to be found. Are there better adoption agencies? Is there anyone that cares about how/where the birthmom lives before the baby is born? I am so sorry to ramble on and on, I am just so at my wits end. Thank you for reading.
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folly
Big hugs, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I too was turned away by two different OB's before I found one that would take me. I am uninsured and because I'm partially self employed I don't qualify for medicaid.
Hang in there. Take the best care of yourself that you possibly can and take lots of deep breaths. I did not get prenatal care until 26 weeks and things look okay so far.
If you havent' already, try calling planned parenthood, even if there's not one in your area, they should still be able to hook you up with an adoption agency that will work with you. Also, they were the ones that reccomended the OB that accepted me and he has been more than generous with a payment plan and billing. The planned parenthood that helped me is 40 miles away, but they knew of an OB in my town.
As far as crisis pregnancy centers go, I couldn't agree more. Not only did I find out that the one I went to gets a kick back for every person that they send to a certain adoption agency, but they said a prayer that my sin of having premarital sex be forgiven right before I left. I left the place feeling like I was 15 not 32.
Good luck, I know it gets frustrating especially when you're already stressed out.
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I think I would attempt to apply for unemployment anyway. I believe you have the right to apply if you feel you lost your job without just cause (something you did) and then your employer has to respond in order for you to NOT get benefits. That is how it worked when I was in Human Resources anyway. I would really push the issue and tell them you want to apply.
If churches won't help you, can you stay in a homeless shelter? With friends?
I don't know where you are located, but you could also try and find a family looking for a live in Nanny. You are still early enough in your pregnancy that they wouldn't be able to tell you are pregnant. It would be several months of work anyway.
Good Luck.
WiltedRose
No I can't qualify for any unemployment since I was not technically laid off (my boss passed away).
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I'm sorry for your situation. Life can be unfair.
Try searching around for some adoption agencies. You said they can't support you financially but you'd be surprised. Some offer birthparent housing and benefits. And if you get matched with a family some of your expenses might be covered by them. I'm not sure of your location but if you're in the New England area I would suggest MAPS (Maine Adoption Placement Services, they also have centers in Massachusetts).
we would love to help you we have housed birthmoms in the past, email me at ferchello_construction@yahoo.com
and well help you
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What about goodwill and salvation army? Don't they have programs to help people in situations similar to yours?
There are also homeless shelters and women's shelters. Not ideal I realize, but surely better temporarily until you find find a job and a place to live. They also can set you up with an apartment (the women's shelter).
In my experience it seems the smaller churches are more willing to help than the very large ones. I know it seems just the opposite would seem true, but the small ones seem to have a VERY close-kit support network within their community, and sometimes finding a temp home is as simple as the reverend calling up a few trusted church goes who want to provide you a home until you get back on your feet.
My friend's church is like this. One lady took in my friend when we were in HS. Her parents were unstable, drugs involved, etc......and through networking she found a home to live in. A home was also offered to me through the same church, I'm currently in an unstable living situation right now.
There are so many agencies who have adoptive parents who are eager to fill their cribs and arms.
It sounds as if you are computer savvy so go to "adoption agencies" in the state where you live. There will be one or more who will be thrilled to help you if what you really want is to relinquish your baby for adoption. if that is not what you want, then you are probably stuck with churches or shelters. Not the best for you I know, but it is getting more difficult to get help from Human Services now.
I wish you the very best of luck.
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