Countdown to Mother's Day

I'm doing fine, overall. I don't get too worked up over Mother's Day. In fact, in our family, we just don't make that big a deal about it. My mom prefers to go out the weekend after Mother's Day, since the actual day is so hyped up and most places we'd like to go are too crowded. Last year, she sent me a Mother's Day card, which made me feel really good (I don't have any other children besides the one I placed, so it was nice of her to acknowledge my motherhood in this way). I also celebrated Birthmother's day last year and plan to do so again this year. The agency that I went through when I placed my son puts together a very lovely afternoon, with a brief chapel service, a "meet and greet" with other birthmoms and their families/friends, a brunch, and a guest speaker. So for me, I will celebrate both days in my own way and not let anyone (especially the media) dictate how Mother's Day "should" be, or what it should represent for me.

Congrats on your reunion blacksheep! I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day with ALL your children! Peachy - going out the next weekend is a great idea, because you're right - places are SO over crowded! We're trying to go to brunch with the whole family but we can't figure out where we can all fit! (I can't do the next weekend as I'll be having a VISIT with cupcake that Saturday :)) I'm glad you've found your way to embrace the weekend as what is is for YOU - including birthmothers day.

For some reason, Mother's Day is descending on me this year like a black cloud. I'm not really sure why...perhaps it's because I suspect it will be my own mother's last one, since she's refusing to take any of her heart meds or diabetes meds. The other possibility is this dream I had a few weeks ago. I've been meaning to make a thread about it, but I'm rather a coward. Anyhoo, it was this really heavy dream where I was telling some people what it means to be labeled as a birth mother in our society. I was sobbing uncontrollably in the dream...something I'm unable to do anymore in real life. (The tears well up, my throat chokes up...and then it just stops. For some reason, I just can't seem to let myself really break down anymore...sigh.) Well, in the dream I was crying and wailing, much like I did several days before my son was born. It really scared me when I woke up to realize how deep this whole relinquishment thing has affected me throughout all these years. I've been thinking of creating a thread to discuss what it really means to be a birth/first mother in our society and our culture. I remember when I first reunited with my son in 1990 that the postadoptions caseworker told me that we're really forging the way...that we're the first generation of birthmoms to become really visible in society and the first ones to have our voices heard. In many ways, we're the first women to blaze these trails, no matter if we're birthmoms from the closed era who have reunited with their lost children or firstmoms who are in open adoptions. I have a suspicion that a lot of the flack we get is because we aren't in hiding anymore. Anyhoo, I'm off my soapbox now. Thanks for listening. :loveyou:

Hear hear Raven, I'm struggling on some levels, I've been coming out a lot more about my son. Just this past week I was having a conversation between classes with some students of mine, they were talking about birth experiances and other things, I could feel my heart pounding loudly and I finally told my story. Wow. I tried to tell it like 'this happens every day' and they were all cool with it, but boy was it tough. Mother's day. I'm so screwed up with this. I have given birth to three children in three countries! (does that beat different fathers? ,-) only two different fathers...) I missed the UK's mother's day. US's mother's day is not long after my son's birthday (so it's always been a tough day for me), Sweden's mother's day is the end of the month. I guess I didn't care so much about mother's day until I reunited, then I finally realised that HEY, I DESERVE TO BE CELEBRATED HERE! But who knows what will happen this year. Maybe we should go out on the US mother's day since it won't be so crowded at places here?

Hey All! I think, for me, Mother's Day has never been a problem because it's always been about celebrating my mom and not me. So I can definately understand Raven's struggles. ((( Raven ))) I always think of my son and daughter as out and about celebrating with their mom, buying flowers, enjoying the day and so I've always had peace with it. But as Quantum and Blacksheep have pointed out, it is different once you're in reunion. I don't know about that so.... But you know what? Happy Mothers Day to all the moms in here! :flower: No matter how we come to that title, right? Hugs to you guys! :grouphug:

I think you are on to something here. It would be an interesting topic, if you decide to start a thread on it. I say "go for it!" I couldn't agree more!!

May is just a tough month for me in general. Mother's Day and then the 30th (Kiddo's bday). This year my baby brother is graduating from college so I'm doing that for Mother's Day weekend and that is cool. Dad is going to teach me how to tie lures onto my new fishing pole on Sunday :) He got me a Lady Ugly Stick, hehe. Happy Mother's Day to all of us!

I've been OK so far :) In my head, I still feel like Mother's Day is so far away. I've always been able to compartmentalize my feelings enough where I've focused on my own mom on Mother's Day. Plus I've made the decision not to acknowledge the day in my relationship with DD's mom (it was never really a tradition, so it won't be missed) and that sort of puts the pressure off. However, if all goes as planned, I could be celebrating next Mothers Day as a parenting mom, and I wonder how that's going to affect things, with everyone in my life making a big deal about "My First Mothers Day", and me knowing that it's really my 18th. So I'll enjoy the anoniminity this year before that can of worms gets open! Hope you all hang in!

I was fine until Grams handed me a list and some money to pick up Mother Day Cards for my mother, aunt and sil from her!!I just wish I had the money to get to N. Carolina this year as a friend had her BirthMother get together this weekend because she wasn't going to be able to do it next weekend.

L - aren't getaways the best during the tough times??? I've found them to be such a lifesaver for me! ((((hugs)))) for MDay AND birthday being so close Belle. I think Mother's Day will be worse for me once I'm a parenting Mom too.....right now, Mother's day is about MY Mom, and I get ignored (since fam doesn't know) which actually makes it easier I think.... Plus having all my gals here doens't hurt :love:

This year will be a different year for me as this is the first year I'm a "recognized" mother. I also acknowledge Birthmother's Day and am very active on the planning committee for our local event and am mc'ing the event for the 4th year in a row.

Mother's Day has always been hard for me. I have been a mother for 17 years but I have never been recognized because few people even know about it. Only my parents, grandparents and brother know my first son exists. My mother and grandmother have never once asked me how I was holding up in the weeks before or after Mother's day. I'm honestly p***** off and bitter about that. They have rarely talked to me at all about my first son. Whenever my grandpa tries to talk to me about my first son my mom and grandma get very upset and start screaming and crying. I need to try to get them to stop that. I don't want my newly adopted son W to think adoption is something you scream and cry about. I am torn about this Mother's Day. I am happy that I will finally be recognized as a mother but I am sad that W's firstmom will be trying to make it through her first Mother's Day post placement. She hid her pregnancy from all her friends and family so she will not be recognized as a mother on that day either. She is just starting a journey that I have suffered through for years. I wish there was something I could do.

Mother's Day has come up on me fast this year, it seems, but I've been dreading it for this past week, but not cause of adoption related emotions or anything like that, but because of my own mother.My own mother is what makes Mother's Day harder for me to deal with the past few years or so. I really don't like finding a present and/or card for her and really don't like telling her YAY Happy Mother's Day - you were such a great mom to me, when she wasn't and she's not. I mean there's good things she's done, but there's a lot more bad things than good things with her - see codependency and the like kind of issues lol :p.Anyway, I've been grumbling about Mother's Day for the past few days, but now I'm a lot happier cause I finally decided and know what I'm sending/giving to both my girls mothers and to my own mother and most of all cause I get to go away to visit my hubby's mother/parents (and they are so totally cool and I have lots of fun with them) and not be around my own mother for Mother's Day weekend - YAY for me lol.So, that's me with Mother's Day so far this year :).

This whole week has been hard on me. Some **** happened over the weekend that got blown way out of proportion and not only will it be my first Mother's Day away from the son it is also his 5 month birthday and the day my boyfriend ships out for boot camp. I am thinking the bottle of wine I have will be my best friend and I'm planning on sleeping through it.

Gwen I think that in acknowledging her pain and having compassion for her, you have already done more than many might. :flower: ((( Gwen ))) Sometimes, simply having empathy is an act of kindness that makes a difference. Hugs to you!! Compassion is that which makes the heart of the good move at the pain of others. It crushes and destroys the pain of others. The Buddha.