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Hi,
I'm new to this board. I am here to ask some questions.
I am debating on whether or not to go further with the thought of becoming an adoptive parent or to just give up the whole thought of it entirely. I am looking at these so-called home study things and feel that I'd be shot down before I ever got out of the gate.
My wife and I have been married for 19 years and we have no kids. I did have a stable job history (as a trucker) for ten years and then was let go. I managed to get a new job driving a school bus, but the school system doesn't offer medical benefits until a contract has been given. That won't be this school year. My wife has medical insurance in which she alone is covered on. I'm not covered on it because she would be working just to have insurance and come home with absolutely no money at all if I were.
Our finances have been rough. I am an adult who is somewhat "mathematically challenged" To meet me, to talk to me I appear just as normal as the next guy, but I am a special needs person myself. I have learned to cope with those needs, but due to limited resources have not pursued treatment because I believe that Dr. bills are debt and that debt is bad. I can not and will not be enslaved to debt. I will stand on that philosophy to the best of my ability
I'm recovering from bankruptcy. I lost the house I had in a foreclosure over a year ago and have been trying to make positive steps in recovery but keep facing setbacks. I don't think my wife is capable of having kids and here I am wondering why so many people who shouldn't be having kids are and why somebody who should can't? I consider myself fortunate that I am rid of that job I had, it was maladaptive to my life in general, I have my piece of mind back now that I'm no longer with them and am generally a lot happier without them. I'm driving a school bus now, I'm around kids, I love kids and I'm good with them. I consider getting 40 elementary school aged kids to behave on a school bus for an hour an amazing thing without being mean or grumpy. (They all almost always want me to be their permanent bus driver) I am working for an awesome school system and am learning alot about it by just being a bus driver.
Lots of people say "Oh I am young yet" and I am simply not buying that remark. My high school classmates have their own kids going through college now and for me I feel that my life has really missed the bus so to speak.
My worry is that something like a home study is going to flat out reject me.
1. the foreclosure will probably come to bite me in the behind
2. Bankruptcy - though almost clear of it will probably be brought to bear on me.
3. the loss of my job and transition to my new one I can foreseably be held against me.
4. My wife's health condition- she is finally getting treatment for a condition she has had most of her life
From what I have read about home studies, just 1 of these things would shoot me down. I live in a modern 2 bedroom apt. with 2 baths. Washer dryer in the apt. Working smoke alarm systems and even sprinklers. I have decent transportation, an awesome school system, 2 hospitals, libraries, parks and live in the middle of history itself.
I am also very familiar with the Individual Education Plan, having had one when I was in school, I know what they are and how they work. I'm sensitive to special needs because I was a special needs kid myself. I have a special place in my heart for kids in that position. BTW, I drive a special needs bus too. I am wanting to adopt an older child. Most likely a girl.
Please, I am just wondering what folks think? Am I going to get shot down before I ever get out the gate? Should I try to do something about it or am I just wasting people's time? :confused:
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I think, honestly the only way you will know is to call an independant homestudy worker or talk to the agency homestudy worker and be honest and let them know what is what and go from there.
We had a bankruptcy from several years ago, we lost a home in it (though that was never needed to be disclosed) and we adopted.
I think the only issue that may hold you back some would be getting a Doctors note to say your wife is healthy and stable enough to care and raise a child. And also the job switch *May* need some explaining as they are looking for stability, but it sounds like you got that. :)
Just ask, you will never know for sure until you ask
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The job switch, I was fired after 10 years. The situation there had decayed so badly and became so miserable for me that I viewed it as they did me a favor. I still grieve for it but on the other hand I am so much happier and have my piece of mind back. I had often times felt like getting an attorney to sue them for unsafe practices but then I decided to just show some grace and let it go . I am doing well at my new job now driving a school bus and being around all kinds of different kids with different needs. I have been a youth worker at the church for 20 years as well. I'm getting to see driving that bus the diversity among kids and how they act at different ages.
Doctors as far as my wife is concerned is a very sticky point for me. I want her to have the best healthcare she can get but I don't want her going there for every silly thing. The errors in my past was that I did go to the Doctor for every silly thing and though most of it was a valid complaint, I was always told that I was a hypochondriact. A child of course would need the best pediatricians. Adopting an older child, I would hope is already "broken in" and had their shots, and doesn't need so many Doctor visits. I'm very very skeptical of Doctors and I'm somebody who isn't going to send them to the Emergency room when they only need a band-aid. I am CPR/First Aid trained as doing that is required and provided by the school board for my job. My wife works two jobs, she does not do long hours. I also deliver pizza and DJ weddings on occasion.
