Balancing Child and Family

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather, I will be thinking and praying for you and your family. As far as what you should do, I would sign up for the time before and after your visit with cupcake on Saturday. Or like someone else suggested, sign up for the errand running, so you can do that around your visit, that way you aren't crunched for time with cupcake. If this doesn't seem plausable maybe you should talk to cupcakes Amom about maybe rescheduling, I'm sure she will understand since I'm sure she knows your family does not know about cupcake, and will be able to explain to cupcake what is going on. Don't feel guilty though, you're only one person, and can be at one place at one time. Don't spread yourself too thin, it isn't healthy.I hope I helped. Again I'm so sorry about your grandfather and I hope your visit with cupcake goes well!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S the biggest thing Peachy. If they knew, I think I could go, totally guilt free. Because I think I would have my Mom's blessing AND my grandpas blessing. They would WANT me to see Cupcake when I could! But since they don't know, it becomes, "What in the world could possibly be more important?" And ordinarily, the answer would be "nothing." But a visit with Cupcake does register up there on level of importance. Thanks for all the well wishes everyone - it's helping even just to be reminded how I shouldn't feel guilty.

Dear TG, I know you love your grandpa - that's certainly obvious from your post. I am hoping all goes well with his surgery. :flowergift: And I understand that you love your family too. You said you have always been the rock for your mom. Now....maybe it's time for you to be a rock for yourself. ((( TG ))) You gave up so much of yourself to do what was best for Cupcake. Why deny yourself the chance to be with her when you now can? You know what? As wrong as this might sound - and I know it does, if it were me, I'd think something up to tell my family for why I must either take the Sunday shift or take the errands on Saturday. That way I've still done what I could for them - but on my terms and I haven't cheated myself of a chance to be with my daughter. Your grandpa is in God's hands. You can love and support him and your family without having to break your own heart to do it. I hope it's okay that I shared my thoughts with you. And I'll be praying for your grandpa. Much hugs your way today!:grouphug:

Thanks for your thoughts Janey - they were pretty darned near perfect and what I needed to hear. :thanks:

Prayers for your Grandpa, TG... And rememer - you can't be all things to all people at all times... :grouphug:

What a difficult place to be in. I hope you can go to your visit and relax and enjoy it.

TGM, I don't know how comfortable you are with lying (for me, it's not such a huge issue, especially with something like your situation which cannot be explained), but I would make up an excuse about either having to work Saturday on some unexpected deadline (and with this economy today, you cannot afford to lose your job!), or being *cough* sick *cough* and coming down with a cold, and you wouldn't want to pass it on to anyone, especially your grandfather or those who will be around him. You know if your folks knew about Cupcake, they would want you to be there, so right there is the reason you should go and enjoy your visit. You will still do right by your mom and grandpa, you just won't be there on one particular day and that is OK. And I forgot to mention in my last post, but I hope your grandpa goes through surgery alright and has a quick recovery.

I'm so sorry you're having such big competing priorities this weekend!! Let me just say that by taking the time to visit with Cupcake, you are not abandoning your family. You've got a big family, a few hours to visit with Cupcake will not hurt anyone. I'd try to resist the urge to "overexplain"...when J pops out with some explanation of where he was when I didn't even ask...let's just say I file it under "so I know that's *not* where you actually were." I'd just not volunteer for the shift or shifts affected by the visit and not offer a big explanation why you can't. If they press it (I know you have an involved family), you can always conjure up a pressing visit with Roomie or me that can only happen during that time. In fact, we do have a meeting then, don't we? BTW...we really do need to set one up!! What day is good for you? :) Let us know how it goes...I'm sorry you're feeling you have to juggle. Don't overburden yourself. Being with one does not take away from the other...there is room for both. :)

THanks again for the replies....the more I think about things the more I waver back and forth :arrow:I told Mom I'd be there Friday after work, Saturday morning, and Sunday. She said that was great, and was totally cool with me being gone Saturday afternoon.GREAT!Then I overhear her on the phone talking to someone about the surgery and how the actual surgery isn't the "high risk" part, it's the days after. And all I can think of are the "what ifs." Yes, I'll have my cell phone just in case, but what if something happens and I can't make it there in time? Where we usually visit is over an hour away from where he'll be having surgery....And yes, my family is "involved" (great word H!) but it's more than that.....I lived seven blocks from Pops my entire life. I had working parents and was at my grandparents house every morning for years and years. We vacationed together, went to sporting events together, and are a REALLY close family. My grandparents played a HUGE part in raising me (though my Mom would probably die if she heard me say that!). So it's not just FOR my parents that I feel I need to be there.....I just can't stop thinking that I wouldn't forgive myself if *god forbid* something went wrong and I wasn't there....I still don't know.....I'll email Dee either way today. At least let her know what's going on.....confirm the visit or something. Thanks again everyone.

Tmom, awwwww.... The reason I wrote about rescheduling is that I had the same kind of relationship with my grandparents (mom's parents). I grew up in a two family house and they lived in the apartment downstairs. When I lost my papa (I was in college), I literally could not leave my room for weeks....I know people were like, "it's your grandfather, crazy!" but he was like a second dad to me, you know? I think sending D an email is a good idea. If it were me and DD's birth parents sent me an email saying what was going on, I would just say, "hey, why don't we do it the following weekend?" You guys live so close, you know? Anyway, I am so sorry you are dealing with this stress and I hope your gpa does well (he has an amazing gdaughter and family!).

Can you email D, explain the situation and ask if she'd be willing to meet up a bit closer to the hospital? Maybe there's a park sort of nearby (where no one will see you) and that way you won't feel so nervous if something were to happen?I'd say reschedule too, I just know it's been a long time between visits and if you think she won't make another visit for awhile, I'm just trying to think of all ways possible to do both.:)

Just sending hugs. I personally thinkg the truth is best, and if you can't share why you're gone, just say it is something very important or else you would be at the hospital the whole time. That is true, right? You don't have to share waht.That's JMHO. You're in my prayers. :grouphug:

Oh TG I'm sending you so many hugs and positive thoughts right now. I'm sorry you're having to make this decision. I think Crick's suggestion of possibly moving it closer to the hospital is a good idea. Not right next door but closer than an hour away. I hope everything works out with the visit and I will continue to send positive thoughts for Pops.

Hey hon, let D know about what is going on. See if she will come closer to you and offer to do errands during that time. See if D comes up with another plan. I know you may not wish to reschedule but in order to be there for the family and not lie to them. (((HUGS))) call if you need it.

Thanks again everyone - I'm REALLY going to try to keep the visit on for Saturday. At this point, the only way I'll TOTALLY reschedule is if something goes wrong Friday. Even if something goes wrong early saturday at least Dee will already know it's a possibility (I'm emailing her today no matter what). Like I said, I know my Mom's on board with me not hanging around the hospital all day, I just want to feel confident in being away myself. And confident that I can enjoy Cupcake and Dee without mentally being someplace else. Hey, it's only two of the most emotional things I deal with on one day - how bad can it be? :arrow: