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I'm in search of a birthparent's perspective. I found out in Jan that my birthmother was looking for me. I gave the necessary aproval to get everything rolling with the full support of my (a)parents. Last week, was my birthday, and mothers day, and after some very good advice from members on the forum I made the decision to write the first letter. Just a short thank you letter. Told her I was excited to share the story of my life with her, as much as she wanted to know, and to have a good mothers day. I'm worried that the whole situation has become to much for my birthmother to deal with. There was a personal situation with my birthmother that came up shortly after she started the search that was preventing her from finding out that they had found me. Once they made contact she said she was going to try to get out a letter that week (in Febuary). She had told the couselor how excited she was, and that she had thought about me often. Since then there has been several attempts at contact by the adoption counselor, most have been unsuccessful though. I can't even begin to imagine the emotion that must be going on with her. I've tried to put myself in her shoes, but I can't even begin to fathom how she'd feel about everything. I'll admit that at first I was fairly protective and worried that I was going to hurt my (a)parents, but after talking with them everything is great with them. After the inital 2-3 weeks of my brain turning to oatmeal after finding out and absorbing everything, I've actually become pretty excited about meeting this woman who gave me the gift of the life I've lived. Now I'm begining to get worried that this may never happen and that she for some reason has been scared off. My letter only went out last week (friday) so I'm hoping that it will be accepted well and that it will get the ball rolling. I'm attaching the letter so I can get some feedback hopefully. Thank you all in advance. [ATTACH]81983[/ATTACH]
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First of all, let me say, your letter was perfect! As a bmom, if I got that letter from my child, I'd be so happy and thrilled! I can also tell you it would likely stir up a lot of emotions in me, and I'd need some time to process everything. These emotions can blindside you, even if you think you are completely prepared for reunion. You mention yourself the flood of emotions that "turned your brain to oatmeal" (love that description, it's so true!) for a few weeks. I suspect your bmom may be going through something similar. I say give it some more time for your bmom to absorb and process everything. And best of luck to you. I do hope your bmom responds soon! :grouphug:
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Thank you so much for your responses. This is something I never expected that I'd be going thru, and now that it is I find myself getting more and more excited. I have an overwhelming desire to tell her everything I've done with my life. Guess I'm just getting antsy. Doesn't help that I work for the agency I was adopted from now, not for the adoption section, but right down the hall. Think that may be making it worse in a weird way lol.
Figured that I would update everyone on what is going on. It's been over a month since I sent out the letter and as far as we know it made it to her. Unfortuately still no response. I'm beginning to think that this has become to much to deal with. It's really to bad, I was really starting to look forward to this. Fingers crossed that everything will work out for the best I guess.
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Well... another month gone... no response. I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty discouraged and I'm thinking that nothing is ever going to come out of this. I'm figuring I'm just gonna leave my end of the "search" alone and see if she ever decides to come back. Maybe all she wanted to know was that I was happy and healthy. Maybe the letter I sent was enough for her. I wish that was enough for me though. There are days while I am at work and the idea of meeting her obsesses me. I'll do nothing but try different combinations of my birth name, birthday and her first name. I really appreciate all of the support from the b-moms and everyone else on the forums, I'm begining to think that she isn't cut from the same cloth as all of y'all though. I'm still hopeful, but that is fading fast.
Well... update time I guess. At the end of the month (Sept 09) they are going to call off the search for my birthmother. After 7 months of no contact. This is rather disappointing. We are drafting a nice letter saying that the door is open if she ever chooses to pursue this again. Not sure how to take this news. Should I be worried that something happened? Should I be relieved I don't have to check the mailbox every day waiting for that letter? Should I be upset that I'm not important enough to write a letter to? I don't know... At any rate thank you to everyone that has given me advice since this whole thing started. I really appreciate everything y'all have done for me. I'm not going anywhere either. I'll be lurking around the boards here and offering my 2 bits where I can. Thank you all Ryan
Ryan, I feel your frustration. I contacted my birthmother a year and nine months ago. She repsonded (via mail - postcard I included) that she is open to a reunion but needed time. I haven't heard back again. Hoping for a letter in the mail everyday for that long is exhausting. I have come to realize that it must be incredibly difficult for her to tell her family or even just be able to face me. Being patient has been incredibly difficult but I know that the only way to a successful reunion is to give her all the time she needs. Afterall I did wait 41 years to contact her. I think in time your birthmother will come around. I wish I could give you feed back on your letter but seeing I have no idea what a birthmom actually feels I can't. I wish you the best!
Thanks Mickey, Hopefully she'll come around someday. Initially I was so protective and aprehensive, but I actually started to dig the idea that she wanted to know about me. Guess it kinda just feels like a kick in the... well you know... especially since she started the search. IDK... Guess I'm just mixed into the waiting game. Meh...
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Quick update... Well at the end of November they were able to make contact with her parents, and got a new number. Looks like her life has turned around and she's getting everything straightened out. She started the search for me in Dec of last year, and now a year later she responds to the agency that she needs more time. :grr: = me
I'm so sorry that your bmom has not responded to you yet. Sometimes life happens and we just don't handle things as well as we would like. It sounds as though she wants to know but maybe she's afraid. My bson made contact with me last month just after his 41st birthday. It took me a few days to process that this might be him then we both wanted firm evidence so that we weren't building up false hopes. When that finally came through, the hardest task was talking to my mother. She had been very negative at the time but after stalling as long as I could, I finally called her and everything worked out so that I was finally able to meet my "baby". I think the patience need for these connections is the hardest part and many girls that I've known who have also faced this are so emotional that the connections become too difficult to handle. Good luck and keep the faith. B.
As a bmom myself I would be absolutely thrilled with that letter!! You did an amazing job!!! I hope that someday she does come around so you can get on with your life!!! She may be having alot of bad emotions hiitting her.I know you want this now, as would I..........but it looks like more time is gonna be needed!