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hey!
I just started my second trimester and decided I need to start thinking about what I'm looking for in adoptive parents for my child. I am a repeat birthmom. I have a list of basic questions to ask, then started a second list of questions to ask. now I have more questions that come to mind. is it possible to ask too many questions? I am entrusting someone else to raise and care for this child. yrs from now, I would hate for my child to think he/she would have been better off being raised by a nanny than the adoptive parents I chose.
~Mary :popcorn: yummy, can't get enough popcorn!
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I would most definitely ask as many questions as you can think of. Just know that those of us who are adopting are more than willing to answer anything and everything you want to know. We're just as nervous about finding the right baby as you are finding the right parents! Personally, I would love for a birthmom to ask me a lot of questions - I think it would help both sides make sure that the adoption is in the best interest of the child. Best of luck!
Regarding personality. There was a really interesting article on NPR recently about two babies that were switched at birth. The one family was very social and outgoing. The other family was very serious. The babies' personalities were like the biological family's and not like the family they grew up in.
Our baby's birthmom chose us without meeting us. We didn't meet her until the baby was 3 days old and she was on her way to sign TPR.
We knew we would love any baby that became part of our family, but what we really wanted was a bio-family that would put the baby's needs first and who we could have a grown up relationship with over the years. We also hoped for a birthfamily that was adventurous and open to new experiences since that is the personality of our family.
We were fortunate to get a really wonderful birthfamily. We've only met them a couple times, but their dedication to our baby is wonderful.
If you're still looking for adoptive parents, I'd say find out what they're hoping for in the situation (besides a healthy baby.) That could help see if you're all a good match.
Whirled_Peas
Regarding personality. There was a really interesting article on NPR recently about two babies that were switched at birth. The one family was very social and outgoing. The other family was very serious. The babies' personalities were like the biological family's and not like the family they grew up in.
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Marysbaby,
I'm with everyone else... ask away! This is a huge decision you are making and I think both you and the PAP's want you to be at peace with it.
I brought a page of 20 random questions (fav milkshake, flowers, song, tv show, etc) to our first meeting with our potential birthmom. It broke the ice and made it kind of fun to get to know random info. We found that she and I both really wanted to go to Australia, were daddy's little girls, both loved to sleep in, played soccer, loved the beach and some other fun stuff.
My only addition to what others have said is to consider meeting more than once with the couple you choose or potentially the two couples to narrow it down if you need to. I guess I would say don't feel like you have to ask every single question the first time you meet, but maybe prioritize which ones are most important to you and then maybe ask to meet again for round 2, if you are not at peace with your decision!
thanks for the support Erica. and especially mentioning meeting more than once. I was worried about what questions I could ask that would help me decide such an important decision. then I knew I wanted to get together several times...and have time to think over my decision too.
we'll be meeting several times over different days. then I'll go from there.
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Mary,
It's important to ask all your questions and more probably. yes it is uncomfortable and not fun because you as a parents want to be honest but you want to be the one you feel is right for your child. I looked it as part of the labor process for me as a mom. In the end it was a great way to get to know each other and trust each other in the big adventure we were about ready to embark on. Good luck and hope your find the perfect parents for you and your little one.
Ange
I would think that since this is your third go at giving up a child, you'd have the process nailed down.
I can only wonder if the "adoption plan" you want the aparents to enter into with you is financially motivated.
Seriously, I'm stunned. Having said that, at least the children you have given away will take some consolation in the fact that it wasn't just one child you didn't want...it was all of them.
marysbaby
thanks for your reply. I had not considered personality types and it has not been brought up to me before. does anyone else have any opinions on this?
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You know your personality and the fathers personality...Chances are your child will a similar personality to one of you. Ask the prospective adoptive parents what their personality types are...
Personality type matters as some personality types don't work together.
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