my A-mom just died

I am also in the adult orphan club. Welcome...it sucks, but know that you are not alone. It's very difficult to lose your aparents to death and bparents to sealed records. I try to focus on my kids - that's really the only thing that keeps me going. That and all of the wonderful memories of my aparents. I try to live my life in a way that would make them proud. I believe that love never dies and some day I will be with them again. I hope your memories bring you some peace. The pain of losing a loved one is the price we must pay for having had the gift of them in our lives.

I'm very sorry for your loss. :grouphug:

My heart goes out to you during this time of grief and loss. I do think that being adopted and having abandonment issues does add to the feelings of loss - I think our subconscious relives a part of the original feelings of abandonment. And according to the book, "When Parents Die: A Guide For Adults", when the second parent dies, many people (adopted and non-adopted) characterise it as feeling 'orphaned'. While I know it doesn't make up for losing one's a-parents, I hope you do find some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. Sending you hugs to offer some comfort in the meantime.

I am sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my adad back in 2003 and my amom died in late December 2007. when I was very little my well meaning cousins used to call me an orphan and put a stigma on the word so I never considered myself an orphan. My amom was 88 when she passed away. She was tired from being in the hospital for a month and was ready to go so even though it hurt to lose her I knew that she wasn't suffering any longer. We're all pretty resilient and you'll get through it. Best wishes. :grouphug:

I just lost my dad in March and I am sending major hugs to you! My b-dad passed away before I got the chance to meet him, and I was always of the mind that "Hey I have MY dad, so it's okay that I never met him". Now it feels like I have no dad at all, and it sucks.

I lost my amom 13 years ago. She was only 64. (Funny, how as I get older 64 feels younger:arrow: ) Anyway, I was sad, but I an armour around me...I felt sad but didn't grieve until a year later. Hit me like a ton of bricks. I think that may have been a defense mechanism that I have devolped. Just go with theflow and don't allow any feelings...they may hurt to much. I was socializing at her wake...although the funeral I did break. Really thought there must be something wrong with me until I realized what was going on. I am not sure about abandonment issues, I don't think I felt abandoned. I was 39 years old and had 5 children. I love my mom and miss her on a daily basis. I lost a mother that day and adoption didn't come into it. I did feel fear...my solid rock wwas gone, she loved me unconditionally,she loved my children just as much as I did...there is NO one else in the world that I felt that way about. Was my fear deep seated abandment issues? Who knows...but I know many peole who losse mothers that feel the same way. I lost my mother..plain and simple. I think what complicates things for us is that there is another mother and with it comes other emotions and questions. When my bmom died I again put the armour up, and I didfeel grief. I grieved the fact that we didn't have thechance to get to know each other better...again..probuly my fault as the armour remained up, but itwas neededfor protection. I am sorry it was like that but it is what it is...Ineeded to protect myself. Iwould have been no good to my little ones if I allowed myself to "go there" So yes, it can be complicated to shift through the myriad of emotions involved with loosing a parent. Add thequestions of being adopted and it can get even more complicated I am sorry for your loss. My suggestion is to work through the pain of loosing your mom, then bring in the adoption issues..one thing at a time.