Medical History and a feeling of being incomplete

June 10, 2009

I was adopted by my second cousins. Many of the problems my adoptive mom (Her mom is biologically my Great Aunt) has I know there's a chance for me to have them, but I feel so incomplete right now. I only know half of my medical history, and I only know a sliver of that half really because I have no way to contact my biological grandparents without causing a huge family problem.

I am desperate to know more about what I am specifically threatened by medically. I want to know everything that my biological grandparents and Uncles (my birthmom was the only girl) are going through health-wise and have gone through health-wise. Problem is that I don't want my adoptive parents to know because they feel that I have no business talking with that part of the family and our relationship is very, very strained already.

I want this information for the sake of my daughter. It's bad enough I am having absolutely no luck in finding my biological father to know more about what is carried by his genes, and now I can't even talk to my immediate biological family without causing a huge rift in the family and possibly finding myself all alone again. I'm at my wit's end right now regarding all of this. I have asked my parents and grandparents about the medical history of my biological family but they tell me it's too much to list and not worth my time finding out. I just need some advice on how to go about doing this and how to go about finding an address and/or phone number for my biological family. They know I exist. The only reason they have never seen me is because my adoptive mother forbade them from having contact with me. I just really don't know how to handle this situation right now. I am desperate to know, especially since I just found out my Neutropenia is congenital (hereditary) and I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer a year ago.

Dickons

June 11, 2009

I'm so sorry for what you are going through and being put through.

You have the right to know everything there is to know. Your adopted family even though they are biological cannot know everything you need to know. The fact that they are denying you even what they do know is beyond the pale. And they do not know what has happened since they adopted you and broke off connections with the rest of your family.

What do you need help on in finding your family? Give us something so we can offer you advice or ways to find them.

Kind regards,

Dickons

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ripples

June 12, 2009

badgerkins

I just found out my Neutropenia is congenital (hereditary) and I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer a year ago.

First of all, my heart goes out to you regarding dealing with your illnesses - I can only imagine what it must feel like to battle cancer. There was another thread about finding medical history [URL="http://forums.adoption.com/how-i-found-out-stories-discovery/281629-what-guidelines-finding-bio-family-medical-needs.html"]http://forums.adoption.com/how-i-found-out-stories-discovery/281629-what-guidelines-finding-bio-family-medical-needs.html[/URL]

I hope others don't mind while I vent in the following sentences. A part of me feels so angry when I hear about adoptees being denied our medical histories. I feel even more angry in hearing that family members are actually selfishly withholding information from adoptees due to their own fears and inability to deal with post-adoption. The information that is being withheld could be vital for fighting a life-threatening medical condition. I wonder just how many adoptees have died or suffered long-standing illnesses due to the cowardice of others and the cruelty of the 'closed records' adoption system. I'm of the full belief that we, as adoptees, should at least have our medical history. I'm so mad that I feel like yelling, "so you guys (whomever is withholding this info) are denying me a right to live - I oughta charge you with assisted manslaughter!"

Contrary to what your parents and grandparents think, yes, this IS worth the time finding this information out and yes, contacting your biological family IS your business - it could save your life, particularly since they allude to the fact that you have medical details that are "too much to list". It sounds to me that for selfish reasons, they're thinking it's not worth THEIR time. What's more important to them? You not dying or their 'inconvenience'. I do sincerely hope that you can convince you adoptive parents to provide you with the information - emphasise that this could potentially be a life or death situation for you. Perhaps as a compromise you could at least just say that all you want to access are your medical details, but don't need the identifying information of your birth family?

If your parents and grandparents are still of no help, then perhaps try a search agent? In the meantime, are you open to joining a cancer support group as that might be of help in dealing with a lot of the emotions that I imagine must be running through you as you deal with cancer?

ripples

June 13, 2009

FYI - I'd made a comment that I think our access to our medical histories is a public health issue. See the thread in:

[url]http://forums.adoption.com/sharing-others-experience/360266-do-you-think-our-words-heard-2.html#post33885225[/url]