How to make the hardest decision?

I was younger than you, 18 when I was pregnant, and decided on adoption from early on. I thought it would not be as difficult as it was to place my child for adoption, but once I had him, the reality set in and as much as I thought I was prepared for adoption, it was extremely difficult to go through. Given that, I felt at the time (and still do) that it was the best choice under my particular circumstances. I did not have family support either, was just starting to work full time but still living at home and not prepared or ready to move out on my own, much less with a baby to support. It was not an option for me to bring my baby home. I also wanted my child to have a traditional family with mom and dad, and he did get that, as well as a lot of other things I wanted for him that I could not provide (not just material things). So for me, despite the pain and difficulty, it did work out. I also got a lot of counseling. I can't say what would be best for you as it is something only you can decide, and it is certainly not an easy decision. Are you living on your own right now or with your mom?? If I were you, I would explore all your options really thoroughly. Get some unbiased counseling and look at every possible scenario. You don't have to rush into a decision before you have your baby, in fact it would be best to re-evaluate everything after you meet your baby, as your feelings can be totally different then. You have a good career path ahead of you where you could provide for your child, maybe with a little extra help in the beginning. Look into what is out there in terms of support, childcare, etc. Also the baby's father would be required to pay child support as well. I wouldn't make a decision to relinquish a child based on fears of never getting married. Pretty much all of the women I've known over the years who were single moms ended up getting married and their husbands accepted their kids. It may not be the "picture perfect" scenario you had envisioned in terms of getting married first and then having a baby, but I don't think you'll be forever single just because you have a baby and I wouldn't let this fear be part of my decision to place my child for adoption. I'm not against adoption at all, but if you really want to parent, and can make a go of it, you should do so. You could also plan to take your baby home and if it doesn't work out for you, you can make your adoption plan later. You don't need to come to a firm decision just yet. In the meantime, research everything.

I always assumed I would "know" too. When my daughter was born and I didn't "know" I took her home for a day, a day turned into a week and I realized I would never know exactly what the right thing was, but I didn't want to make a decision I would regret. She's 6 weeks old and I guess not knowing what the best thing to do was led me to the right decision which for me was parenting. Not much help, but I just wanted you to know that the light bulb moment doesn't happen for everyone. Best of luck, you've got some time before you have to make any permanent decisions.

Hello, and congratulations on your pregnancy. It might not have been your intentions, but regardless of your decision, you are carrying something that WAS God's intention whether this baby was meant for you or for someone else! I'm a single mom, and I love every minute of it! So much that I'm looking to adopt a little sister for my daughter, who just turned 8. Of course, I have a very close family, and I've always had support. I married my daughter's dad... only to realize that being a single mom would be easier. :-) We divorced before she was 2 years old, but we still maintain a friendly relationship for her sake. I will say that being a single mom is very hard and extremely tiring at times, but there's just nothing better than learning to put yourself second for someone that is worth more than life itself to you. I enjoy every minute of my daughter and I've just learned to deal with things differently than families that have two parents. I don't really find that I miss out on anything... I just do things in a different fashion! I think that every person has to make that decision for themselves, but I applaud you for even thinking about adoption. You could be giving someone the greatest blessing of their life! You are welcome to check out my link in my homestudy to see pictures of everything we do together. I think the pictures are self explanatory that being a single mom does have it's advantages. Best of luck to you in your decision!

Hello, and congratulations on your pregnancy. It might not have been your intentions, but regardless of your decision, you are carrying something that WAS God's intention whether this baby was meant for you or for someone else! I'm a single mom, and I love every minute of it! So much that I'm looking to adopt a little sister for my daughter, who just turned 8. Of course, I have a very close family, and I've always had support. I married my daughter's dad... only to realize that being a single mom would be easier. :-) We divorced before she was 2 years old, but we still maintain a friendly relationship for her sake. I will say that being a single mom is very hard and extremely tiring at times, but there's just nothing better than learning to put yourself second for someone that is worth more than life itself to you. I enjoy every minute of my daughter and I've just learned to deal with things differently than families that have two parents. I don't really find that I miss out on anything... I just do things in a different fashion! I think that every person has to make that decision for themselves, but I applaud you for even thinking about adoption. You could be giving someone the greatest blessing of their life! You are welcome to check out my link in my homestudy to see pictures of everything we do together. I think the pictures are self explanatory that being a single mom does have it's advantages. Best of luck to you in your decision!

I was 24 yrs, still in college, had no support from family. In fact, it seems as though everyone thought adoption was the logical thing to do. Now 17 years later, I still question "why" everyone said that. All I can tell you is that there has not been one day in my life that I have not missed my little girl. It is an open adoption so I am grateful to see how beautiful she has grown. It makes me proud- but it never lessens the pain. Life has gone on.. and I have two children now. Again, I feel very blessed but now I understand what it takes to raise a child and I now have to live with the realization that I COULD have successfully raised her on my own. I shouldn't have listen to others. I have forgiven myself and accept that I made the best decision with the facts I knew at the time. So what I am trying to say is... listen to yourself, you know yourself, don't be persuaded by others opinions because you are the one who will have to live with that decision for the rest of your life. Yes it's true that it is hard to raise a child on your own-I find it hard and I am married, but in my wiser years I have come to know that no matter what happens.... pregnancy, illness, $$, death of loved ones.... that life is hard! So live your life with a heart full of love and don't let anyone stop you. Best of luck. You will be in my prayers

I prayed for days, weeks, months...before and after placement. I took time for myself. I took a week off of work to visit a friend and think. I spent more time on my knees than I can count. Talk to an agency. The one I used helped me talk through my feelings. They told me no matter what I decided they would help. I believe that if I had changed my mind that night, they would have figured out a way to get me everything I needed to take care of her. If you want to know which agency I used just pm me. I didn't know until I was a month away from delivery. The day I met her parents. It was only reaffirmed to me throughout my delivery and hospital stay. I contribute knowing to God. I never would have made that decision without his help and strength.

Savangelo, How are things going for you?

I know that this was posted a while ago, but wanted to add to the advice you have already been given. Remember that the decision is YOURS to make NOT anyone elses. Also remember that the circumstances you find yourself in today will not be the circumstances you find yourself in, in the years to come. Babies don't need things they need love, food and warmth. Talk to others who have been in your situation and make an informed decision. If you decide to persue an adoption plan don't sign on with the first agency you talk with. Talk to several, get references and pick the one that will best meet your needs and desires. I adopted a beautiful baby 16 months ago. Her bmom did not make the decision prior to birth. She had the baby and kept the baby with her for several days before making the decision. You don't have to decide until after you have had time to process the pregancy, birth and your emotions and feelings right after the birth. I wish you all the best in your journey, and know you will make the right decision for you and the baby.