What name do you call Bmom?

I understand. There is so much packed into terms.I call my birthmom by her first name, with love.

I'm not yet in reunion with my son, but I wouldn't care what he called me, honestly, as long as it was not disrespectful! I imagine he will call me by my first name. I don't expect him to call me "mom," but if he wanted to call me mom I would be OK with it, ONLY if it was something he felt comfortable with. If you want to use a name that is not "Carol" or "Mom" is there some sort of nickname or title you could come up with, maybe together, that would be special to the two of you?? For instance, I like the Spanish word madrina which means "godmother." Even though I'm not literally my child's godmother, I like the concept of godmother as the role is defined in Hispanic/Latino cultures. So for me, if my son wanted a word to call me, I'd suggest Madrina. Maybe there is a word that has special significance for you or your birthmom that you could use. I would ask her how she feels about this, and get her input.

I can only share that my bson and I have been "in reunion" for almost 4 years and he has called me Kathy from the beginning. I'm comfortable with what ever name he's comfortable calling me. Of course, I call my in-laws mom and dad, while my sisters-in-law call them by their first names. I don't think there is one right answer. Most bmoms I know are more concerned about having a relationship than about what name the bchild uses.

I call my birth mother Bio-Mom, yes even with her, when we were reunited in 97 she had 2 younger children, my half sister and brother they were 8 and 10 at the time, so it was confusing if I called her Patricia or if I called her Mom so I went with Bio-Mom

My cousin has been in reunion now for 7 years, he calls his amom "mom" of course, and he calls his firstmom mother and then her first name like in your case mother Carol. I think it's nice because he expresses who they are to him in a very loving way.

I called my bmom by her first name...but call my biograndmother NANA..it took a while tofeel comfortable doing that but I am ok with it now.

I call my birthmom by her first name and feel comfortable with that...Its the first mothers day that came along after I found my birth mom that I had a difficult time picking out a card... Do whatever you feel is most comforting...there is no correct answer to any of this...good luck!!!

arrrgggg mothers day cards are so difficult to find and choose. i find ones I'd like to send, but so many times they could be taken in different ways... i have more than 50 mothers day, mothers bday and xmas cards still new. I try to make my own recently, or go with a note on pretty paper and some pictures lol At first I called my mother by her first name. She signed her first name on cards she sent. As we got closer she began to sign Momma, her other kids call her Momma. One day i called her and said; Hi Momma. She really liked it and I did too, so I have stuck with it for a while now. However, I would suggest, mostly just for your own sanity, to refer to her with the same name that you would use no matter who you are talking with, as in in front of afamily. It can get tricky if you are like me and are attempting to avoid hurting anyones feelings including my own... It's good to just talk about it with everyone. The name thing is a tough one, takes time.

I have had a very easy and welcomed reunion with my birth mother and my half brothers. We are starting to get to know each other and it all seems to be going well. I feel like i have known my brothers my whole life. My bmum and i talk about once a week, but it's starting to get awkward. There is only so much small talk that one can do... And what am i supposed to do now? I don't want to upset her and i don't want to wierd out my brothers but i feel like i need to step back a bit from her, yet still want contact with my brothers and i know thier loyalties lie with her

Good grief, I think I lost my reply to you angm. I had asked you why you are feeling awkward? I think what you are experiencing is "adoptee pullback". I'm only 2 months into my reunion, and have not had those feelings, yet. There's got to be something more than just running out of small talk? If anyone else could help me here, that would be great because I'm just a novice at this reunion thing...:) As for what I ended up calling my bmom. I call her mom. I feel close to her, closer than calling her Carol. I think that that was born out of the fact that she was forced to relinquish me and how deeply it affected her life. If that small measure, simply the word Mom, brings her some joy in her life, then it was the right thing to do. As for feeling who is my mom, who would I cry out for if I was ill or hurt, it would be my mom. She was the one who was there my whole life, she raised me and loved me unconditionally. So can I have 2 mom's and get away with it? Sure, why not!

Thank you cnb1099, for sharing your story. I had a half brother looking for me at the same time that I was looking for my bmum. Similar to you, my bmum told only her sister at the time of her pregnancy, knowing that she could not offer me the life she wanted me to have on her own and for this and my adopted family I am truly grateful. She went on to tell her parents after I was placed. She is so strong and capable yet I find her to be holding back from me. Contact is regular, but she is not forthcoming with information and it makes me feel awkward having to ask, almost like she doesn't want to share. I'm sorry if i am rambling on, putting this out there is gratifying, yet highly emotional, as my reunion is still very fresh (April 09). Thank you again, I have found strength in your story

angm, as you say, your reunion is very fresh. I would encourage you to talk to your bmom about this. I suspect that in becoming "strong and capable" she unfortunately learned to not share a lot of deep feelings. It's not easy to change that. She may be just as afraid of driving you away with too much information as you are feeling awkward in having to ask. D and I have a very comfortable relationship, but we don't share a lot of "deep stuff". I am open to sharing anything and everything with him but I'm afraid of overwhelming him with more than he wants at this point. I am always going to be here (barring death of course), and I am willing to follow his lead.

You have to call her whatever you are comfortable with. For the first year of my reunion I used first names, then that got awkward and I just avoided calling them anything. Now they are just mom and dad. Noone said we couldn't have two moms and two dads. Do what you're comfortable with. Don't expect to be comfortable with mom and dad this soon either, possibly never, it just depends on the person. Congrats on your reuion, it sounds like its going well!

Hope I'm not intruding here. I am a birthmother who was reunited with my daughter joyfully 20 years ago. In my first contacts with her in letters, I signed myself, "Jane" not wanting to be disrespectful to her adoptive parents and her in anyway. I remain "Jane" to both her, her husband and 3 children to this day, though I know our relationship is a combination of mother/daughter and best friends. I would love, at some point that I could be referred to as "Momma Jane", which is what my son-in-law and daughter-in-law refer to me as. I could never bring myself to ask my daughter to confer the title of "mom" or "mother" to me...at least not while her adoptive mom is still alive. On the other hand, I have 2 very close friends...one a birthmother reunited whose daughter calls her by her first name, but her grandchildren call her "Grandma....". The other is an adoptee reunited with her birthmother, who since her adoptive mother's passing, refers to her birthmother as "mom". Don't know if this helps at all. Just wanted to share thoughts. Everyone is so different and reunion is a long journey. Afterall, it's love that counts...sharing support and experiences...not titles. I'm happy that you have been successfully reunited and are back in touch with your history and roots. You sound like a very caring and sensitive person. Blessings! NanieB

NanieB, Intruding? No way, I welcomed your post and appreciate your perspective. I guess I've taken a step in calling my bmom "mom" because it seems as though alot of fellow adoptee's in reunion call their bmom's by their first name. It didn't take long to know that Carol waited her whole life to be called mom. She didn't ask for it, it is something I sensed deeply. It is all about love, support and sharing. I'm happy for you that you've had 20 years already. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll have that someday also. Thank you...:)