Overwhelmed! (cross posted)

------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- My wife just left with our 10 year old adopted son who's in an outpatient day program an hour away -- she's staying with relatives close by while I'm on FMLA taking care of our other kids. We're at the end of our rope. Our son is bipolar with attachment disorder, pervasive development disorder and PTSD from being a shaken baby (his twin sister didn't survive). We've had him since he was 3 months old and handled all his issues ourselves since they surfaced when he was a toddler. The RTC stays have been the most traumatic, but we'd welcome the chance to get him back in one just because he has been successful there. Problem is insurance and Medicaid won't cover them, so we've been going through an acute care and outpatient revolving door, and all the therapy/psych sessions that accompany them. If we hadn't seen what he can become when all the planets allign, we'd probably have given up by now. There's only so much physical and emotional abuse you can take. We've talked about the 'what if' he can't be stabilized and are prepared to make the decision to do what's best to protect the rest of the family, but not until we've exhausted everything. The irony is, our bipolar son isn't what's led me to reach out to this forum. It's two of the three younger siblings we adopted nearly three years ago as a group. Yes, we got hosed by CPS like a lot of adoptive parents. We were fostering the youngest girl, who was placed at 4 months of age, and expressed an interest in adopting her. We got the package deal with a fast-tracked placement and no history to speak of. We expressed our concerns about behaviors and doubts about the placement but were told the bonds would come with time and love. Yeah, right! Now we have two RAD kids who steal, lie, destroy things and pass along their bad character traits to the other children in the home. They don't get it and don't want to get it. It amazes me to see this otherwise docile little boy sit in ambush behind a corner or door and try to hurt his sisters and then lie straight faced, tears pouring down his cheeks in denial, and then smile and smirk as he walks off with restrictions. The kid could pull a 3-5 stint in prison wihtout blinking an eye. They play the victim role so well, the system would never believe us. Yet, we've seen the damage they're causing and have to do something to preserve what's left of our family. I don't see them as the enemy, just the catalyst. Do I have to wait until they become teens and enter the criminal justice system or perpetrate on siblings? I've been a father for 25 years, raised my three biological sons and countless foster kids with serious issues and it's a gut feeling I have. Hard to explain, but I just know. We want to dissolve the adoption with the two. Maybe if they were in a home where they could receive all the attention, with no other siblings having serious issues, they could turn out okay? What can we do?