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[/URL] Adoption group tries to foster open relationshipsParents, children share experiences at annual picnic
Ellen Hurley (left), Megan Hurley, and Lindsay Chapman attended a gathering in Westwood yesterday for adoptive parents, children, and their birth mothers. (Wendy Maeda/ Globe Staff) By [URL="http://search.boston.com/local/Search.do?s.sm.query=Jazmine+Ulloa&camp=localsearch:on:byline:art"]Jazmine Ulloa[/URL] Globe Correspondent / August 9, 2009 
Text size + WESTWOOD - When 7-year-old Megan Hurley grows up, she will know she inherited her mother֒s hazel eyes and determination. She also will know she was adopted at birth and that the choice to give her away had been tough for her mother, who was 19 and a college sophomore at the time. And she will know the decision was made out of love.[URL="http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/08/09/adoption_group_tries_to_foster_open_relationships/?comments=all"]
[/URL]Discuss[URL="http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/08/09/adoption_group_tries_to_foster_open_relationships/?comments=all"]COMMENTS (0)[/URL]In the past 30 years the adoption process, which for decades was shrouded in secrecy, has gained new levels of openness, said Karen Cheyney, director of Bright Futures Adoption Center. Since the 1980s, generations of children who grew up in closed adoptions have begun demanding to know more about who they are, breaking down the secrecy - and sometimes sense of shame - connected to adoptions, she said.Now, if Megan, who was adopted in 2002, has any questions about her family and background, she knows her mother is only a call away.The center, a program of the Robert F. Kennedy Childrens Action Corps, hopes to keep fostering such open relationships. Yesterday, about a hundred adoptive parents, birth parents, and children, including Megan and her family, met for a breezy picnic and barbecue held by the adoption center at Hale Reservation.Together, adoptive and birth families shared stories and news about their childrenҒs lives, as they lunched under bright sun and their youngsters swam and built sand castles at a private beach. The ninth annual event, Cheyney said, will help families build connections she hopes they will maintain well into their adoptive and biological childrens adult lives.Openness ғallows adoptive children to know that they were not abandoned,Ғ Cheyney said. They have access to information about themselves that allows them to feel whole.ӒThe definition of openness depends on the agency, Cheyney said. Some adoption centers may consider their process ғopenҒ even if biological and adoptive parents meet only once and never do so again. But the Bright Futures Adoption Center focuses on keeping the communication between families going, she said.Families at the picnic yesterday said they came to mingle with others who shared similar experiences.For us adoptive parents, it allows us to meet with people who have been in the same shoes,Ӓ said Kjartan Stefansson, who adopted his son, Adam, two years ago.Trisha and Michael Hughes adopted Liam, who is 17 months old, from Lesley Townsend. Townsend was incarcerated when her baby was born, but she said she would not have considered adoption had she not been able to have a relationship with him.ғHe has a few older brothers that need to know him and he needs to know them,Ғ said Townsend, who grew up in a closed adoption but found her birth mother and has kept in contact with her.Megans birth mother, Lindsay Chapman, and her adoptive mother, Ellen Hurley, stood at the edge of the beach as the bubbly girl splashed in the water. The two women have grown close in the past seven years, and Chapman tries to see her daughter at least three times a year. She attends her birthday parties and dance recitals, and Hurley often sends her MeganҒs report cards and photographs.When she is missing Megan, she can simply pick up the phone and schedule a visit, Chapman said.The relationship has been natural since the beginning, both women said.Chapman, who was a devout Christian, never considered abortion when she was pregnant with Megan. Young and confused, she said, she moved in with a family friend who had two adopted sons and allowed her to realize that adoption would be the best way to give Megan a better life.I want to be a part of her life as much as she wants to be, as much as it feels right,Ӓ she said.Jazmine Ulloa can be reached at lulloa@globe.com. 
ҩ Copyright 2009 Globe Newspaper Company.OAS_AD('LANDING');Start your week off right with in-depth coverage. [URL="http://bostonglobe.com/subscriber/offer/go/zip.asp?cd=WW049774&od=372"]Subscribe now to the Globe.[/URL] Now I know that based on reading the situations on this forum that this articule makes it look rosy and stressfree and we all know better then that! But I can't help but think that at least it is become more open to at least talk about the fact that a child just might come from another mother in adoption and that the child just might want to know their biology. AND mabey there is nothing wrong with that! That maybe biomom does't have to maintain "privacy" from the child they gave birth to and amom does't have to prove who the "real" mother is..maybe the person adopted can just accept that they are the result of 2 mothers and does not have to tiptoe around to find out what they are, who they came from and how it relates to them as an adult...and how it effects their children. Maybe in baby steps it IS becoming about the kids?
[/URL] Adoption group tries to foster open relationshipsParents, children share experiences at annual picnic Ellen Hurley (left), Megan Hurley, and Lindsay Chapman attended a gathering in Westwood yesterday for adoptive parents, children, and their birth mothers. (Wendy Maeda/ Globe Staff) By [URL="http://search.boston.com/local/Search.do?s.sm.query=Jazmine+Ulloa&camp=localsearch:on:byline:art"]Jazmine Ulloa[/URL] Globe Correspondent / August 9, 2009 Text size + WESTWOOD - When 7-year-old Megan Hurley grows up, she will know she inherited her mother֒s hazel eyes and determination. She also will know she was adopted at birth and that the choice to give her away had been tough for her mother, who was 19 and a college sophomore at the time. And she will know the decision was made out of love.[URL="http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/08/09/adoption_group_tries_to_foster_open_relationships/?comments=all"][/URL]Discuss[URL="http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/08/09/adoption_group_tries_to_foster_open_relationships/?comments=all"]COMMENTS (0)[/URL]In the past 30 years the adoption process, which for decades was shrouded in secrecy, has gained new levels of openness, said Karen Cheyney, director of Bright Futures Adoption Center. Since the 1980s, generations of children who grew up in closed adoptions have begun demanding to know more about who they are, breaking down the secrecy - and sometimes sense of shame - connected to adoptions, she said.Now, if Megan, who was adopted in 2002, has any questions about her family and background, she knows her mother is only a call away.The center, a program of the Robert F. Kennedy Childrens Action Corps, hopes to keep fostering such open relationships. Yesterday, about a hundred adoptive parents, birth parents, and children, including Megan and her family, met for a breezy picnic and barbecue held by the adoption center at Hale Reservation.Together, adoptive and birth families shared stories and news about their childrenҒs lives, as they lunched under bright sun and their youngsters swam and built sand castles at a private beach. The ninth annual event, Cheyney said, will help families build connections she hopes they will maintain well into their adoptive and biological childrens adult lives.Openness ғallows adoptive children to know that they were not abandoned,Ғ Cheyney said. They have access to information about themselves that allows them to feel whole.ӒThe definition of openness depends on the agency, Cheyney said. Some adoption centers may consider their process ғopenҒ even if biological and adoptive parents meet only once and never do so again. But the Bright Futures Adoption Center focuses on keeping the communication between families going, she said.Families at the picnic yesterday said they came to mingle with others who shared similar experiences.For us adoptive parents, it allows us to meet with people who have been in the same shoes,Ӓ said Kjartan Stefansson, who adopted his son, Adam, two years ago.Trisha and Michael Hughes adopted Liam, who is 17 months old, from Lesley Townsend. Townsend was incarcerated when her baby was born, but she said she would not have considered adoption had she not been able to have a relationship with him.ғHe has a few older brothers that need to know him and he needs to know them,Ғ said Townsend, who grew up in a closed adoption but found her birth mother and has kept in contact with her.Megans birth mother, Lindsay Chapman, and her adoptive mother, Ellen Hurley, stood at the edge of the beach as the bubbly girl splashed in the water. The two women have grown close in the past seven years, and Chapman tries to see her daughter at least three times a year. She attends her birthday parties and dance recitals, and Hurley often sends her MeganҒs report cards and photographs.When she is missing Megan, she can simply pick up the phone and schedule a visit, Chapman said.The relationship has been natural since the beginning, both women said.Chapman, who was a devout Christian, never considered abortion when she was pregnant with Megan. Young and confused, she said, she moved in with a family friend who had two adopted sons and allowed her to realize that adoption would be the best way to give Megan a better life.I want to be a part of her life as much as she wants to be, as much as it feels right,Ӓ she said.Jazmine Ulloa can be reached at lulloa@globe.com. ҩ Copyright 2009 Globe Newspaper Company.OAS_AD('LANDING');Start your week off right with in-depth coverage. [URL="http://bostonglobe.com/subscriber/offer/go/zip.asp?cd=WW049774&od=372"]Subscribe now to the Globe.[/URL] Now I know that based on reading the situations on this forum that this articule makes it look rosy and stressfree and we all know better then that! But I can't help but think that at least it is become more open to at least talk about the fact that a child just might come from another mother in adoption and that the child just might want to know their biology. AND mabey there is nothing wrong with that! That maybe biomom does't have to maintain "privacy" from the child they gave birth to and amom does't have to prove who the "real" mother is..maybe the person adopted can just accept that they are the result of 2 mothers and does not have to tiptoe around to find out what they are, who they came from and how it relates to them as an adult...and how it effects their children. Maybe in baby steps it IS becoming about the kids?
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Dpen, Thanks for the article...I had already posted a reply that seems to have vanished. Your comments on tip toeing around to find out who you are is so true...I just wish that parents would understand that children will do just about anything to ensure they do not hurt their parents...and we are left to navigate the flood of questions of who, what, where, why, without those who we would turn too because we feel they would be hurt. I think that is where I get frustrated, hearing parents talk about it and then another chiming in that bio kids have the same issue...they don't because they have different circumstances, don't invalidate your childs feelings. Then when I read articles like this it makes me happy as it really is about the kids, not the parents! Kind regards,Dickons
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That is great to see that it is all about the kids.
A good friend of mine and his wife couldn't have any children so they adopted. When they adopted their first they told me that it was going to be an open adoption. They then adopted 2 more children also as open adoptions. At the time I didn't think that open adoptions were a good thing but as I have progressed down the path hopefully toward some resolution in my search I see that open adoptions are much healthier for the children. There is none of the hide in the shadows or we don't talk about it mentality that prevails with closed adoptions.
Not to derail a good post. My adopted mom was from the greatest generation. As such it was their mentality that brought the stigma of shame upon birth mothers in the 50's, 60's, and 70's. She always treated my adoption as one of those things that we just don't talk about and the more I think about it now the more angry I get at the way it was always swept under the carpet. Given a choice I'd take an open adoption any day of the week.
bakerjw
That is great to see that it is all about the kids. A good friend of mine and his wife couldn't have any children so they adopted. When they adopted their first they told me that it was going to be an open adoption. They then adopted 2 more children also as open adoptions. At the time I didn't think that open adoptions were a good thing but as I have progressed down the path hopefully toward some resolution in my search I see that open adoptions are much healthier for the children. There is none of the hide in the shadows or we don't talk about it mentality that prevails with closed adoptions. Not to derail a good post. My adopted mom was from the greatest generation. As such it was their mentality that brought the stigma of shame upon birth mothers in the 50's, 60's, and 70's. She always treated my adoption as one of those things that we just don't talk about and the more I think about it now the more angry I get at the way it was always swept under the carpet. Given a choice I'd take an open adoption any day of the week.
You are correct about the fine lines that must be made and the boundaries that need to be in place. The adoptive parents are just that, parents and not an 18 year baby siting service. In the end the child is number one.
I only made mention as I only know of 3 open adoptions and they are all from my friend John and his wife. Once or twice a year 2 they travel and the kids get to see their birth mothers and families and from what John tells me it is good for the kids to see their birth mothers and they understand why they were put up for adoption.
The only down side is that mother of one of the girls seemingly disappeared. Probably back in Mexico. John said that their daughter cries about not being able to see her birth mother like her sister and brother do.