Reunion and ongoing stuff- advice most welcome

Hi to all the wonderful people here I haven't been back to this forum for more than a year. I first posted [URL="http://forums.adoption.com/birth-family-support/332905-bsibling-seeking-advice-anybody-since-im-bit-clueless.html"]here[/URL] last year and got some tremendous support. In hindsight, it feels a bit odd reading my first post; I was very nervous that my asis, Sue, might not want to know me. But we had the most fantastic reunion; it couldn't have gone better. My kids think Aunty Sue is magic; our hubbies get on like a house on fire. I consider this wonderful woman to be one of my best friends, and often tell her that if anyone was going to come looking for us, thank god it was Sue. I LOVE my big sister and am just hungry for her presence such a lot. She rocks my world. And she loves me too - I feel so lucky. I have found though, that I have felt the most intense grief for 40 years of not having known about her. I thought it was okay last year, but I still find that when I think about those 40 Sue-less years I cry my eyes out. I try to jolly myself out of it by saying that at least we have her now so be happy etc. And the thing is, I am happy, but those 40 lost years weigh so heavily sometimes. I imagine our parallel lives...me at 8 years old and she was out there somewhere... it's like I miss her retrospectively. They say you don't miss what you didn't have...but I do. I miss 40 years of my Sue; I miss being an aunty to her lovely kids. I'm tearing up again writing this. And you know, sometimes I have the most awful fear that she might be whipped away again. But I also know my own propensity for being neurotic. I do expect that it will run its course eventually, but I am wondering if there's something wrong that this aspect still hurts after 18 months? Am I thinking wrong or something? Or should I just let it be until it heals itself? Has anyone else every felt like this? What did you do? Thanks very much in advance, Louise