A question for birthparents

September 1, 2009

Hi. I really hope this isnt intrusive. We have two adopted children, both from Guatemala. We have an open adoption with our son's birthfamily and cherish it. We know that they are very happy about the adoption and are also very happy to have contact. Our daughter's birthmother chose a closed adoption and we really dont have anyway to find out if she might have changed her mind (no one is willing to pass a message or let us contact her). I have accepted this but feel very bonded to our birthfamilies.

So this brings me to my questions. We are hoping to adopt again. This time in the United States (domestic infant). I am finding it really difficult to determine if an agency is ethical to both the adoptive family as well as the birthfamily. I dont want to use an agency unless I am very sure that the birthmother will be cared for, even after the placement or if she changes her mind at some point.

So any specific warnings or referrals to agencies you have worked with, please feel free to PM me. I would love to hear.

But I would also like to know some things to watch out for. How much support does a birthmom get after placement? Without using names (you can PM me them), what did you like or not like about the way you were treated?

I really hope I am not intruding. I just want adoption in our lives to stay a wonderful thing. I dont want to grow our family off the suffering of others. And I honestly feel like our children's birthfamilies are our families as well...and I just want to be 100% sure they are treated well in the process.

Thanks!

Dickons

September 2, 2009

I'm just replying to keep this a current posting as you have asked for replies to be sent via private message.

Excellent post by the way.

Kind regards,

Dickons

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painfulheart

February 7, 2010

I didn't get no support from no one. I hid my pregnancies so my family don't know. the agency offered a hotline to call. i called. they never called me back

kakuehl

February 7, 2010

Painfulheart, I'm so sorry. Please let us support you here. Please pm Bromanchik; she is a therapist who also posts here. She can help you find someone in your area to talk to.

jlallinson

February 9, 2010

I received no support. The agency that I went through promised all sorts of things and now that I have reunited with my daughter (19 years later) I found that nothing happened that was promised to me. I was also dropped like a hot potato and suddenly the agency that told me I was "doing the right thing" became very judgemental and told my daughter (who was trying to find me) that "I would not be someone she would even want to find". My family also chose the "if we ignore it long enough, then the issue will go away". Well, now almost 20 years later and after reunion - I am dealing with all sorts of stuff again. It has been very painful and frustrating. Thank you for being so considerate and considering the birthmother as a human being. Thank you for being willing to maintain an open adoption.