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So my husband and I have three boys (2, 6 and 8) and we would like to adopt a daughter about 3 years old or under. We want to adopt from foster care mostly because of cost but we are hoping for a caucasian daughter or at least one that is part caucasian and part hispanic. Is this possible? Do you get to specify what you are looking for? Also, is there a chance that she will not have special needs other than the emotional issues of abuse or neglect? I don't expect a perfect little baby of course but would like to know what to expect. How exactly does foster adoption work?
Thanks to anyone who responds!
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My personal opinion is that it is "usually" quicker and easier" to go Foster to Adopt. You can always refuse to foster a child they call you about. They also give you a questionaire asking you what type of child you would like to foster. So in your case it would like "girls 3 years and under, race, mild emotional disorder", something like that. Then it is up to you to ask a lot of questions when they call you with a placement, such as medical history, emotional problems etc. :) Hope this helps.
mbarilla
I am willing to foster then adopt a child that comes my way within the age parameters and obviously a little girl. Is that faster then waiting to straught adopt? Also, I do realize that the goal is for the child to be reunited with it's parents so I guess we'll have to really think if that is something we can endure because I am sure that is really hard!
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horselover58
My personal opinion is that it is "usually" quicker and easier" to go Foster to Adopt. You can always refuse to foster a child they call you about. They also give you a questionaire asking you what type of child you would like to foster. So in your case it would like "girls 3 years and under, race, mild emotional disorder", something like that. Then it is up to you to ask a lot of questions when they call you with a placement, such as medical history, emotional problems etc. :) Hope this helps.
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anilorak13ska
Hello there! I wanted to chime in with my experience. We are in VA. We were licensed in July. We were definitely "encouraged" to take older kids. But that may be bc we went through the teen training bc it was offered sooner. I got impatient after 2 months and attended the neighboring county's orientation and asked to have our license transferred. Two weeks EXACTLY, we brought home our foster daughter! (the squeeky wheel...)
Our parameters have shifted since then. The number of kids went down from two to one (we have just the one little girl, and we can't imagine being able to split our time and energy between two). The age of the child went up. We spent a year pursuing independent domestic adoption of a newborn. Two failed matches later, we were ready to sign with an adoption agency, but wanted to leave no stone unturned before we forked over the money. Then our FD came to us. She's 7 months old, and while we absolutely adore her, we now see that we're not the greatest baby people. I for one cannot handle not being able to communicate with her when she screams bloody murder at the top of her lungs and I've already tried everything (she's our little diva!), and if it weren't for DH taking the night shift, I don't know if I could handle the days! So, we decided to abandon the newborn adoption idea all together, actually passing on two otherwise wonderful soon-to-be-born leads in order to wait it out and adopt from foster care.
In our area, they do concurrent planning, which means every family they license is simultaneously fost/adopt. It's up to us to say yes or no to a straight foster or adopt-only situation. When we got the call about Baby V, we were given a choice: she's a straight foster; the other was a fost-to-adopt sibling pair of a 2.5 yo girl and 4 mo boy. Believe it or not, we chose the fostering over the guaranteed instant family, and it's a good thing we did! We would've been in over our heads with the other two kids, if for no other reason than that there were two of them!
So having fostered Baby V (she's still with us, week 4, not sure how long we'll have her, but we expect her to RU) has allowed us to see that we are called to adopt a toddler or preschooler - minimum ~18 months, maximum 5 years (if not in school yet).
Being able to fost/adopt also allows us to be a bit more flexible in terms of ethnicity. I'm CC, DH is Latino. We've always wanted a Hispanic child (Baby V is Latina), so for a straight adoption situation, we'll take a child that's Hispanic or half Hispanic and half any other race.
But for fostering, we'll take a child of any race. Our reasoning is that if we're fostering a child and they become available for adoption, if we had grown attached to them, race won't matter. But we can't make that assumption in advance, not knowing how we'll be at parenting an Asian or Black child. for instance. (Just like we really didn't know how we'd be at parenting a baby until we were given the opportunity with Baby V).
And while for some reason 99% of all of our adoption leads have been for boys, and we have a stronger pull towards the idea of a son, we will adopt either sex, even though at this time, we think it may be our only child.
Will it be difficult to see Baby V go home? Of course! I've already cried about it when I think of it. But fostering is not about us; it's about a family in need. We met Baby V's parents last week, and thanks to that experience, we see our part in the bigger picture. I try to encourage myself with this quote: "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."
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In the last year I have been deeply involved in 3 cases of children under 3 who have gone up for adoption and ended up with families such as yourself - adopt only. One case was a sib group of 3 under 3, the other 2 were single girls. In each of these cases there were numerous homestudies submitted, narrowed down to 3, and then one family selected from there. I am just one person and have had 3 cases go that way in a year so it definitely happens. The percentage of families that submitted interest versus how many were selected... I don't know but pretty small. There is no way of knowing exactly how long, but it definitely happens. Do all that you can to make yourself shown in the best light - be picky on your homestudy - don't be afraid to ask them to change the wording if it isn't accurately reflecting you, and read it CAREFULLY!
I have not read all the responses to this post as I'm in a bit of a hurry today so I'm apologizing in advance if I duplicate any responses.
You can choose however you wish when adopting from foster care; however, if you are restrctive, your wait will likely be a long one. We came into this wanting a white or hispanic child 0-3 yrs old and we did not get any calls for months and could not find a child meeting our criteria that we eventually expanded our search to reduce wait time. That was four months ago and we are still waiting even though we are now looking for white or hispanic, 0-10yrs, sibling group, and/or have severe behaviour issues. With that said, you are different because you already have sons. We don't have kids and that has acutally been an issue in getting "picked." Also, I don't know if you are a stay at home mom, but I have to work and so does my husband and that has been an issue for us as well. Case workers will choose a SAHM over two working parents most of the time.
To be approved we had to complete all the things listed in my signature below. I wish you all the best and hope your wait time is quick once you're approved.
When a baby comes into care, they go to a foster home. Some places put their newborns in foster to adopt homes even if RU is likely "just in case." And family members sometimes step up for babies, especially if this is the first baby in custody. One of the main reasons you will wait is that by the time a child is TPR'd, the foster family is often attached and gets the first chance to adopt. By now they've had the child for upwards of a year, in many cases, and often adopt. In our years as a foster parent, almost ALL of our kids could have been adopted by us. Two went to relatives and we found out later that had we wanted to adopt, one relative would have stepped back. We have only had ONE child go back to her parents in almost 6 years... and she is back in our care now, along with her baby sister. They will probably go to relatives who want them but we would adopt in a second. Foster care, even straight foster care, is always the way I tell people to go who ask me. It *is* hard for some kids to go home or go to family members but most of our foster kids eventually became adoptable, including three of the four newborns we've had in the last 3 years.
Thanks for the interest in this post....just to update you, this was posted over a year ago and since then, we have been chosen for our daughter....Almost one year from start to placement and 7 months from licensed to placement...she was 7 months old when placed. Meant to be? I think so! She is happy and thriving and we love her so much! TPR has yet to happen but she has been in care since birth and BM has had another child since then...they are only 8 mon apart! Anyway...thanks for the posts!
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Hey LynGlad you asked this question. I want to know too. I have been all over the internet; Adoption Exchange, Heart Gallery, adoption photolisting.I am a foster parent, and previous parent of 6 bio children. Married, got a rental home and open to 0-11 years old, boys or girls, and open to a lot of disabilities. I have sent in over 108 inquiries and homestudys in the last year, and guess what? Lucky to even get an email back saying "already placed"? If is sounds like I'm a little upset, I am! With all the children up for adoption, I am sure they could at least respond to you sending your homestudy. I have even had a few workers contact me after 8 months and say. Just got your email, this child has been placed. No? Really? :rolleyes:
Last update on November 17, 9:58 am by Sachin Gupta.