Adoption question

Originally Posted By NicksterMommyI would guess the short answer is that a majority of those seeking to adopt in the U.S. are Caucasian, and it is only natural to desire a child that looks like you. Most new parents spend the first days or weeks with their newborn identifying whose eyes or nose he/she has.That being said, your question really has two parts: Why white? and Why infant? Here are some of the reasons I have heard for both . . .WHY WHITEIf you are Caucasian and adopt a Caucasian child, you "blend in" as a family wherever you go. This isn't true if you adopt a child of another race/nationality. It is obvious that this is a family created through adoption, and some strangers treat you differently because of this. I have seen a family (Caucasian parents/child from China) have to endure a dinner w/a Chinese waitress staring at them the ENTIRE MEAL!! It was kind of creepy. I am sure that this family is THRILLED to be this little girl's mother -- this is just an issue that they must deal w/as a family.Next, as much as we are trying to change society, there are prejudices in this world. Even if both adoptive parents truly love their child from another race/nationality, they are going to encounter people who have strong, negative opinions about, for example, a Caucasian couple parenting an African-American child. Unfortunately, these prejudices can come from grandma, auntie, or whoever. Those are additional issues that the adoptive parents need to work through. Thank goodness, there ARE adoptive parents out there who will adopt these children and teach them how to deal w/the negativity. Not every adoptive parent feels equipped to handle this kind of prejudice.And, finally, you have to remember that adoption is a team thing -- not just the adoptive mother's choice. Perhaps the adoptive mother desperately wants to adopt, for example, a biracial baby, but the adoptive father isn't sure that he could truly love that baby as a father should. Every child DESERVES to be ADORED by BOTH parents. In a perfect world, race/nationality wouldn't play any role at all, and it really stinks that it does. Unfortunately, that is just reality. I hope that, in the future, things will change.WHY INFANT?If you adopt an infant, you are in the same "boat" as any other new parent -- none of them know what they are doing until you bring that baby home and dive in. Since that is true for all new parents of newborns, there are numerous parenting books and classes available. There aren't many books/classes available for somebody who never parented and then has a 10-year-old. Many adoptive parents feel like they would be getting in over their heads. An infant has basic needs -- feed him/change his diaper -- while an older child's needs are much more complex. Going from no parenting at all to parenting an older child can be daunting.Another issue is attachment and prior abuse. If you adopt a baby straight from the hospital, you know that he/she hasn't suffered abuse. Most older children avaiable for adoption have suffered some sort of physical or mental abuse, or at the very least had some awful stuff happen to be available for adoption. Again, many adoptive parents feel unable to meet those complex needs. Thank God there are those adoptive parents out there who do rise to the challenge so these kids can have homes. The attachment thing is also a very real concern. If you adopt a child out of an orphanage, he may never have "attached" to anyone. That brings it's own set of challanges. Many adoptive parents don't know how to deal w/these challenges, either.I hope I have shed a little light here. Just because a couple is unable to conceive doesn't mean that they have all of the answers for the myriad of issues that can arise in the above situations. I have a deep respect for those adoptive parents who rise to meet these challenges, and I hope more will follow suit in the future.

I think this a very real adoption issue that is not addressed enough. There are many selfish reasons also that people only want white infants. If adoption is truely about the children, then every child should have be placed in a home.More adoptive parents should be honest and say that they adopt to fulfill their own needs and not claim that they it is for the children.

Originally Posted By KariNickster, I have a few messages on the special needs board that show my frustration with this issue of adoption. I understand the reasons that you explained here, I am sympathetic toward adoptive parents and all they have to deal with (in fact I am an adoptive mom!)...but I just hope that someday our world will be a little braver about reaching out to people who are different. My son has special needs (he does happen to be the same race as the rest of our family) and there seems to be this "damaged goods discounted price adoption" mentality out there that makes me crazy! All people are imperfect in some way...but we seem to have this "ideal" child image in America...the Gerber baby thing...that fuels this market and it's outrageous money scamming. I just feel for the "blemished" child who sits in foster care (we do foster care...there are excellent homes out there, but it is not PERMANENT) waiting for parents and siblings to love them while parents sit on waiting lists waiting for the child who meets certain specifications! I know some of the issues are difficult to deal with...but anything that demands a battle is usually well worth the fight! If we can start to educate people in this world that people are a soul with some flesh on it....they will learn that the soul is what we see when we look at them in love! I do appreciate how patiently and clearly you answered this person's very honest questions. I like to see a real discussion on these boards where people ask and answer questions without attacking each other! :-)

Originally Posted By CynicKari, I enjoyed your post. You must be a great mother who really cares for her child. Adoption should be about the children, and I do believe it is in your case. When you have a child you love that child no matter what the situation is, even there are diseases and disorders or other "imperfections". I believe it is appaling that there are children that need families while there are potential adoptive parents waiting for the "perfect" baby. This is when adoption is not about the children. Thanks for your story.