New to This, Our First Christmas

I get my 3 kids the same number of toys. Really, kids like the unwrapping best, I think. Sure, they want something "good," but my kids are happy with most anything. Certainly, it makes sense to get toys that are geared at her emotional age. My kids all have a RAD diagnosis, and PTSD, too. Especially when they were younger, my kids enjoyed toys of much younger kids. At 5 1/2, your daughter might like things like soft baby blankets, soft building blocks, that kind of thing. Maybe special bath products, and you two can have a grand old time when you bathe her--bubble bath, rubber ducky, soap crayons, etc. Maybe she'd like stuff for you two to play "spa"--a masque for your face maybe, a pedicure. These are gifts that make for bonding activity that will help her attachment. Enjoy your first Christmas together. Our first Christmas was insanely ambitious--driving from Chicago to Atlanta for the kids to meet their extended family, and being SHOWERED with gifts at 3 different houses--my sister's, and two sets of grandparents. Plus we picked up our pets, who had been pet-sat while our house was remodeled. Whew! I knew at the time it probably wasn't a great idea, but I didn't know how bad an idea it was--I'd only had them less than a month. I know a lot more now. After 5 years, my kids handle holidays MUCH better. Still, we stay home for Christmas and head to Atlanta for New Year's. We have regular holiday traditions, and they like that, as all kids do. It's great that you're planning ahead!

What a helpful post. I'm interested in the answers as well. Our first Christmas here with a new 4 yo. with PTSD, still bonding, etc. I believe I've succeeded in putting my foot down and saying - no travel, grandparents come to us if you want. In our case she has no idea who Santa is, Jesus is, what Christmas is, etc. We are starting from scratch. I like the idea of potentially traveling for New Years in the future. I've noticed that she can't play with toys. So alot of toys isn't really good. I'm trying to carefully pick them so that they are very targeted to something she needs to learn (like pretend play, balance, manipulatives) which will be good for bonding since we have to do them together. I hadn't thought about making sure everything was equal. Have you thought about putting away some toys so that they are "out of sight out of mind" and then wrapping them back up for Christmas? I did it when our son was younger, I'm not so sure I can get away with it this year for a 6.5yo. On another present note, Santa only leaves a stocking and one present. I couldn't figure out how to explain to my son that in every movie Santa leaves just one present and why he leaves more for some kids and less for others in real life. Just seems sort of wrong. So one present and a stocking from Santa. Everything else given must be given "by the person" giving the present. That also means there is only one present on the list to Santa. On another note, I'm curious if the therapist has given any advice on what to do when she breaks a toy or plays rough with it?

When kids play rough with toys or break them, you can say, "Oh, how sad! I am sorry that when you were younger, people did not treat you with the care you deserved. I hope you learn how loved you are, and learn to treat special things with care." That's the idea, anyway, you can gear it toward the level of understanding your kids have. A simple, "Oh, that's too bad," is also appropriate. No sense getting angry--and the way to avoid that is not to give expensive presents or heirlooms to children who simply do not have the capacity to appreciate things. Really, it is very sad that these kids don't know how to play and can't conceive of anyone or anything being valued.

This is our first christmas with the kiddos. We are trying to keep the number of gifts the same. Little boy J is 6 1/2 and Little girl J is recently 8. Little boy J's santa list said " please give me what ever you want to" (he is easy to please and easy to shop for). Little girl J's list was all big ticket items most of which we dont want her to have. I want them both to have a great christmas and we were honest about the things we dont want her to have. We are bonding well with little boy J even though he has been trying at times. Little girl J very rarely shows real emotion and is more loving with Aunts and Uncles, and church family then with us. Things have improved in the last few weeks. They were both home sick when AW called and asked us to come sign a motion to finalize the adoption early. She seems more settled now then in the past 6mo. I feel that getting her everything she wanted would only buy her affections for the moment and the next event she would expect more. We are hoping they will both have a good christmas with what Santa brings.