interpreting the "waiting children" descriptions...

this is exactly what i was looking for! i'm not necessarily cynical, but i would rather get the worst/more realistic picture going into this, and if it turns out better, great, at least i'm not surprised.

I have a newsletter that covers information on how cw's write the brief bios for waiting children. I'll see if I can rake it up again. It was interesting because they can't use identifying info, they can't state anything too specifically, and they have to give only enough info to get people interested but not so much that they are breaking confidentiality. NWAE.org has this sentence as an intro to their waiting children: "Our children’s privacy is very important. Their profile is a glimpse into their personality and their special needs." This lets you know that the profile gives very little and you won't get more until you contact the cw, and even then you won't get much. When you are matched and they have the 'full disclosure' meeting you'll get it "all". ('All' being a relative term.)Reading waiting children bulletins is like reading descriptions for real estate. Whatever they say is often exaggerated and/or a fictionalized account of the real deal. Sometimes they've not even done a 'walk through' to know first hand what's going on.Pretty much if something is mentioned, like "active" or "requires supervision" or "needs lots of attention" that is a STAND OUT issue for the child. What they likely mean is that this child is not typical in that area. If you inquire about a child use the words from the bio to ask questions of the cw. "The bio mentions that Johnny is active. Could you define that further for me?" or "When you suggest that Johnny needs supervision, what kind of supervision do you believe will best meet his level of need?" And then when you get answers from the cw's you have to sift through those and ask more questions.I looked for the article I used to have but I think it has been filed in the round file. :( Sorry! I couldn't find it online, either!! Ugh.

We just got our placement from the photolisting and it said that - he hadn't hurt younger children but the treality is that his needs are so many that it would be easier if I didn't have a younger child. I do so that's a big issue for us to contend with. Honestly, it would be easier to contend with his issues if we didn't have a littler one in the house. This is a challenge indeed.

i'm interested in this... as i was assuming if the listing said 'best as the youngest/only' they wouldn't place them with a family that had younger children. it sounds like they did match you anyway? we have a two year old, so this is an issue for us too! what about "needs a male parent"??

ours said both - strong male parent - which hubby is, and preferrred youngest or only. We were matched but as I understood it, most of the families who submitted did have youngers, so we weren't unusual. Now as far as my little girl -she loves this placement, our last one was a little girl younger then her and took a lot of mommy cuddle time - an older boy for her is way more cool 'cuz he plays and stuff. But we have a couple different issues - (1) his behaviors would be easier to concentrate on without her (2) she's so excited about him that she doesn't give him much space - she has adhd and spd so she's a pill in her own right :) but her lack of boundaries then causes more behavior probs with him. It's been a week and I"m exhausted.

Another point to take into consideration (I think the Foundation for Large Families has an article about this somewhere but I can't find it!) is the fact that many caseworkers discount the benefits of a large family. So a child listed as "should be only/youngest" may actually do exeptionally well in a larger family with more experience dealing with those disorders. Don't base a lot on the photolistings--sometimes the caseworker doing the listing hasn't even met the child. You can typically assume the child's age and ethnicity are correct! Funny thing though, I can usually glance at a picture & go "That child has RAD"....then find the 'key words' in the listing that support that theory, anyone else have that ability? It's the whole "dead eyes" bit for me.

hmmm, good point about the bolded... never thought of that. you could be my photolisting picture interpreter!! the two kiddos we're looking into i don't think have the dead eyes, but my superhuman eye-checking ability maybe hasn't been broken in yet ;) here are some more for you experts... what would you think is the real story (the following are summaries of content, all from older teens i'm reading about): "describes himself as quiet, patient, and laid back... enjoys video games and movies" "enjoys drawing and uses art as his therapy" "loves american history, especially the military, draws picture of military equiptment and has entered some drawings in contests, would like a family interested or involved in the military" "able to freely express himself and easily picks up on others' feelings"

Ha ha! I thought of a couple more: Needs patient family: you'll rip your hair out in a week learning to accept responsibility for actions: no remorse behavior requires occasional redirecting: all the time needs 2 parent family: you'll need reinforcements challenges with peer relationships: terrorizes other kids family with unconditional love: others have disrupted resilient youth: multiple moves significant emotional/behavioral issues:RUN (read severe) family needs wealth of patience: hair out in one day traumatic past: beaten or sexually abused chaotic past: drugs/neglect I'm being funny about those, but that's the way my mind works when I read now. Even then, you'll never know the whole story until they come home. Our ds had no sexual abuse or acting out listed, and started the first time he visited by backing up to us and pulling his pants down. Can't believe they missed that in four years. Hmmm.

"describes himself as quiet, patient, and laid back... enjoys video games and movies" --Lazy, unmotivated, couch potato"enjoys drawing and uses art as his therapy" --I actually really like this, because it sounds like he is showing initiative towards working on his issues"loves american history, especially the military, draws picture of military equiptment and has entered some drawings in contests, would like a family interested or involved in the military" --Aggressive, likes the fight, and also doodles excessively"able to freely express himself and easily picks up on others' feelings" --No honeymoon period here, able to figure out you buttons instantly, no respect for boundaries or politeness. If he used this talent for good, the listing would simply say he was empathetic.

I said the exact same thing about the couch potato! I tend to see the "art as therapy" thing in terms of a young man I know who draws disturbing, satanic type pictures. I hope it's aspenhall's idea. I'd add to the military thing: obsessed with the blood and gore of the battles. Might actually be drawing the bloody battles as part of his art therapy. And as sick as this is, I'm sitting hear snorting with laughter over the hair out in one day thing from perfect7. I have one of those kids!

I found the newsletter, but the link online isn't working right now. I have it in PDF format and the person at the web site said they would be working on it. The web address is: [url=http://www.afamilyforeverychild.org]Heart Gallery of Lane County - A Family for Every Child[/url] Go to the 'Family Matters' newsletter archive link and the particular newsletter is the Sept-Oct 2009 edition. If you want it in PDF to read right away PM me and I'll email it to you.

I love your definition of "needs 2 parent family" Perfect! And I thought uses art as therapy meant he would draw all over anything he could reach. Probably with a Sharpie. I would say though if that is the definition of one kid its very descriptive and clearly written by someone who knows the child well which is a plus!

Someone posted earlier that we shouldn't put too much into what a caseworker writes. I agree that oftentimes, the cw'er has even met the kid; however, from our experience, what's written in the photolistings is far often much more pleasant than the reality of the kid's behaviors. Yep, that's what I said. I swear that sometimes, the words that are used to describe a kid...it's like they had to deeply search for SOMETHING acceptable in order to just present them in a human manner, KWIM? Further, I've read photolistings of kids we've had in our home once they became adoptable. Funny how they can paint this wonderful, rosey picture of a kid who's been known to have extremely dangerous behaviors towards others.....it almost boarders on 'fraud'. My advice: Be very, very, very, very careful. And, if I'm understanding that you have much younger child/ren in your home........never accept a child that's older than the child in your home. And, FWIW.....here's one I like: "adopting family needs to provide a structured environment'......translates to: Child is bouncing off the walls, needs complete 24/7 supervision to the max or he'll either grab a hammer and knock your walls out and say he was just curious in how the hammer would react; OR, he'll attempt to kill someone or something and tell you 'I don't know why I did it'. Sincerely, Linny

:D I'm beginning to think we've all been a bit traumatized!:eyebrows: That's why I love you guys!

Anyone want to take a look at this profile for a sibling pair I am interested in and give me their take? Fyi, I did remove identifiable info. There is a video of them. The social worker describes the older brother as laid back and reserved. He says he lays around and watches TV (I assuming he lacks motivation). Then she says the younger brother is the more active one (I am assuming ADD/ADHD) he's always showing her something new. "A and A are brothers. They are very close and play well together. A describes himself as a caring, friendly, funny boy who likes karate and is a good sharer. He loves to eat and will try almost anything, including vegetables! A identified basketball as his greatest talent and when he grows up he wants to be a teacher or a firefighter. He is communicative, outgoing and likes to ask questions so that he knows what is going on around him. A enjoys school, and has a strong desire to learn. He particularly enjoys math.A describes himself as a boy who does the right thing and likes to play catch with his friends. A also enjoys playing basketball, video games, giving hugs, superheroes, cooking and playing outside. His favorite color is red and his favorite food is pancakes. When asked what he wants to be when he grows up, he said to be a teenager. Others who know A say that he is a playful and curious boy who is eager to please, and is both endearing and imaginative. A is very smart and performs well in school. His teacher reports he is helpful in the classroom and gets along well with the other students.Legally freed for adoption, A and A can be placed in a home of any constellation, with or without other children. Any prospective family must be open to maintaining relationships with the boys’ siblings and biological parents."