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I am going to be 40 yrs. old when this baby is born. It is my third and totally unplanned pregnancy. I didn't want to continue the pregnancy but the father, who is 44 and has never had children, begged me to give him a chance and keep "our child". I did, then he took a job in Afghanistan because it was "too good a pay check to pass up" and left me hanging with nothing. I am living in a shelter at the moment as I haven't been able to work and he hasn't provided ANY financial support. I have two other children who do not live with me by our choices. I was in an abusive relationship and let them go to my family across country, got away from the abuser only to meet THIS guy and end up stranded and pregnant. We used protection but it failed miserably. I feel so guilty. I know I cannot do this alone and didn't WANT to do it alone but alone is where I find myself. I am really considering adoption and would appreciate some input on the subject as I don't know anything about it. I feel so lost and out of control and sad. PLease don't judge me, I've had enough of that from my family. Thank you.:(
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Hello-
First of all I know you are scared, but at 40 like myself we have a whole different level of emotions and inner sense we can draw on. I know you don't want to be pregnant or raise a child alone, no one sets out to do that. Before you ask I am a natural parent, I had my child lost to me through an unscrupulous adoption. That being said there are people here who have wonderful adoptions too. The most important thing though is to find someone you can talk to who is impartial, not someone involved with the adoption industry that can help you with all your options. As right now you are dealing with some problems in your life but some of those with help can be temporary problems. Adoption is a very permanent solution to temporary situations. The Department of Health and Human Services can help with housing, food stamps many things so that if you choose you can parent your child, should you choose. The other thing they can do is help you get child support since you know who the father is. Whatever your choice ends up being just make sure you are able to have someone help you with all your options.
Brandy
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[FONT="Times New Roman"]Dearest Mommy_J,
By now I am sure that you know that you will find no judges here. We know the feelings of lonliness and heartache that you are feeling, many of us have been there and many of us are there now.
Please contact the local social services, I'm sure they can help in the financial areas. I would also recommend that you turn to your faith, if you believe, and find a local church.
Contact the local Bar Association and get an attorney to make sure you get the financial support you deserve from your baby's bio-father. Many will take a case like yours pro bono.
No matter what choice you make - to keep your baby or give him up for adoption - please remember that we are here and we understand.
I hope that despite the circumstances you have a Merry and Blessed Christmas.[/FONT]
Dear Mommy J,
It sounds like you need someone to talk to. There are agencies out there that can help, tell you all of your options and won't pressure you. Our agency is LDS Family Services and they are non profit so they won't pressure you into adoption. If you can't give the child the kind of life you want them to have, adoption is a selfless act and you should not be judged for it. Every situation is different and only you can make the right choice. Best of luck,
Christa
[url=http://www.kevinandchristablog.blogspot.com]Kevin and Christa[/url]
kevinandchrista
Dear Mommy J,
It sounds like you need someone to talk to. There are agencies out there that can help, tell you all of your options and won't pressure you. Our agency is LDS Family Services and they are non profit so they won't pressure you into adoption. If you can't give the child the kind of life you want them to have, adoption is a selfless act and you should not be judged for it.
Sending you much support. I'm glad you posted here, and hope that you feel the honest understanding that I feel for you and your pregnancy. I had a baby on my own by choice years ago and even with planning her pregnancy, it was a lot to shoulder alone. That being said, there were many people who chose to help and had I needed it, lots of community services for pregnant mothers. If you really want to parent your baby, take the time to find what organizations are out there.
Later, as a mom who experienced secondary infertility, we adopted and have open adoptions with our children's birthfamilies, with loving visits, lots of two-way communication, etc. If you do consider adoption, there are truly families who you can connect with and have an open, honest relationship with. I think you might have been at least thinking about adoption to have posted here, even though it may sound overwhelming to even consider?
Most of all YOU HAVE TIME still. If you are about 24 weeks now, there's still plenty of time to make decisions about the best path for you and your baby. Don't let anyone pressure you into either parenting or placing your baby in adoption. You should have complete choice, regardless. Hugs to you -- susan
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Thank you to everyone who has responded to my thread. The support is overwhelming and appreciated. I just wanted everyone to know that I have decided to keep my baby boy. Adoption IS a permanent solution to a temporary problem and with God's help, my child and I will be fine. Thank you again, merry christmas!!:clap:
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Please email me at wareaglegirl30@gmail.com if you feel comfortable doing so. I would like to tell you some things but would rather do it in private. I will say that I can not imagine your situation or the fear and lonlieness. Sometimes just having someone to chat with helps and I think you've come to the right place. God Bless you and that sweet baby!
While my situation was far different from yours, I sympathize and my heart goes out to you.
I've been on both sides of this equation - at a young age, I had a son that I gave up for adoption, then years later learned that I, too was adopted!
My parents were a wonderful, loving couple who felt truly blessed to finally have a child of their own to love. And love me they did.
I have since met my biological mother and her family, and as I've told her many times - she made the best possible choice she could have for me, and I thank her almost every time we meet.
This is a hard choice for any parent to make, but listen to your heart. You can give this child to a loving couple and change the lives of all involved - forever.
As my daughter once told me; this is the most noble decision you could ever make.
Love and best wishes to you.
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mommy_J
Thank you to everyone who has responded to my thread. The support is overwhelming and appreciated. I just wanted everyone to know that I have decided to keep my baby boy. Adoption IS a permanent solution to a temporary problem and with God's help, my child and I will be fine. Thank you again, merry christmas!!:clap: