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I may have a strange situation here. I never intended on giving my daughter up for adoption but in April of 2005 that is what happened. I became pregnant at 19 and the father and I tried our best to be the parents this little girl deserved. But being young, we didn't always make the best decisions. I eventually grew tired of the partying that he was doing and decided to leave. And here is my mistake, I left my daughter with him. I called him the night I left telling him I was leaving and that I would pick up my daughter that weekend. Well, needless to say, by the time the weekend came, she was gone. In another state with another family. I was told there was nothing I could do, and what was done was done. I never signed anything. There was a court hearing, that I was supposed to be at for the custody decisions, my ex was to pick me up (I had no vehicle at the time) and take me to court, well he never showed. It took me over a year to figure out exactly where she is. Now that I have found her adoptive parents (a cousin of my ex's who can't have children of her own) on facebook no less, i emailed her, just asking for pictures and maybe some updates and she proceeded to block me.
They have had her for almost 4 years now, i have gotten married and have two children which I raise pretty much on my own. I know that so much time has passed that I stand no chance of getting her back, but I'm not sure that would be the right thing anyway. As much as I would love to have her back with me, I know that her adoptive parents love her so much and that she is happy. I can't in good consious take her from them. In my message that I sent her, I stated all of this, that I have to intention of taking her away because I know she is happy and cared for, I just don't understand why she would block me and not let me see what my daughter at least looks like.
I signed up on here because my family does not want to talk about it, they tell me to move on and that things have worked themselves out. No one understands that I think about my decisions everyday and go through a million "what if's" in just one day.
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You are not alone in this, I can relate to what you are going through, I had 3 kids that were adopted by relatives so that they could stay together and not have to keep going into different foster homes, I agreed to the adoption because I wanted the best for them. At first I got weekly visits for a few hours at a time, then the visits became less and less until I was left with nothing but a few phone calls and emails a month up until last March since then I haven't been able to connect by phone or even get email replies or new photos, it is very frustrating. I have no idea what to say or what to do. I would never try to take my children from their adoptive parents either but for some reason the adoptive parents do not understand that.
I am so sorry for your distress and frustration or confusion. I would also say that only time and the child's own perpsective may lead to a conclusion as to "a better life" or not. Personally, I don't think anyone can know what an alternative future would have brought. The only thing that is for sure is that she will have "a different life" with her parents than she would have had with you. Just a little food for thought for both op and notjustadream, coming from a relative who adopted a daughter out of foster care. The parents are not afraid that you will try to take the children. You can't get them back and they know that you can't. They know that you do not have the legal standing and cannot show cause to get a custody case heard. This is something dd's first mother brought up a lot to me--how she wouldn't dream of taking dd away from me. Perhaps she believed she could mount a challenge, but I knew she couldn't. Fear of losing the child or children back to you is just not an issue. I can tell you, though, that the fact that she brought it up and then repeated it pretty much every time we spoke, was of concern. I am only mentioning this so that you can begin to figure out what the real reasons behind their hesitancy might be. And also to let you know that sometimes such talk can backfire--instead of reassuring the parents about their child's permanency, something about which they are most likely already confident, it can create other concerns. I understand how that may seem backward to you, but it just is. I wish you, the children, and the parents well in finding some peace in your situations.
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