Fianc STILL depressed over daughter-HELP!

I need help! This is long but I need to explain for anyone to understand.... My relationship is on the rocks because my Fianc is afraid of commitment and just doesn't seem to be able to move on from the past. I know its hard and by no means do I want him to forget about his daughter, but he is making it to where we cannot move on with our life because he is living in his past. 7 years ago him and his girlfriend got pregnant, they are both Mormon and her church and family decided it would be best to give up the baby. He disagreed and told her he would take care of there child, the birthmother denied. My fianc took her to court and fought almost the entire 9 months she was pregnant. He ended up losing due to money and no lawyer. He had to sign over his parental rights and it was the most heartbreaking thing he has ever had to experience. His daughter now lives in Utah with her amazing adoptive family, we visit her all the time. She is truly in a better place. But still to this day he breaks down and blames himself for what happened. He is afraid to get married, he is afraid he will be unable to love our children to the fullest when we have them because he loves his daughter so much. He will get into a deep depression about her if I even bring her name up. He will get defensive and mean as well.... He refuses to see a councilor or go to church...I don't know what to do or how to approach him in a way that will make him comfortable. I want a future with him, I want his daughter in our lives as well, but I want a life of my own.... Help please!!