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It looks like my husband and I will be adopting a three month old who has been fairly neglected during his short life. We're a little short on details, but it sounds that he was underfed and not held much. He is currently in a healthy environment and is getting care, stimulation and adequate food.
We also have an eleven week old that we just adopted, literally from birth. (Its a long story as to how all of this has unfolded...)
I know many of you have experience in fostering and perhaps some have been through a similar experience. We have done some reading - eye contact, no one else holding/feeding, babywearing, etc. - I just thought I would see if you have any other tips or advice.
Thanks in advance!
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Having dealt with older kids who had/have RAD, and having adopted six babies (some special needs) this is what we do/have done:
In addition to the wearing of the baby, holding/feeding, etc......keep the baby in your own room. I'm a firm believer that these babies have to learn of your sounds, smells, etc.....which aids in attachment. I also believe in 'no daycare' for some length of time (if ever) for these kids. If you can stay at home---for as long as you can---do so. They need to hear your voice and realize you ARE there FOR THEM this time.
I've heard this, and practice it too....try to use the same perfume, soap, etc on yourself all the time. I figure, if my older kids/friends can tell me that the smell of XXX 'is Linny whenever we smell it'. Then surely, this would help a baby learn 'it's momma' whenever they smell it too? Sounds sensible to me... :)
And, frankly, having two babies so close together, I"m not so sure I wouldn't put their bassinets right next to each other. Basically, you're raising twins now...so why not allow them to have comfort in each other, KWIM? (Twins always sounded like such fun to me; but I"m sure it's a lot of work too.)
And, if you haven't already, consider borrowing or buying a copy of Dr. Karp's 'The Happiest Baby on the Block' DVD. This method made more sense to dh and I than anything else in terms of what a baby was trying to tell a parent. I"m not a believer in letting any baby 'cry it out'..(BTDT back in the days of 1980's)......so 'crying it out' would NEVER be an option for any baby/child that's been neglected! This will probably be very tough---for awhile. But, at this age, I'd bet any neglected baby would 'come out of it' with the right attachment parenting. Sounds like you already know what's going to be required and ready to take on the task!
My best to you!
Sincerely,
Linny
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I second Linny also. You're in a situation where you can really affect great change for this baby.Everything you can do to put the baby with you is best. Having both of the babies together I think will certainly help him learn that he is in a safe environment now. You're so blessed to have those two.
Thank you. I think the scent issue you raise is a very good point and something we will add to our toolkit. Hopefully I can figure out how to shower everyday...
Our 11 week old sleeps in our room, and we're planning on the new baby doing the same thing. I imagine they'll both be in there for at least a few months. We just happen to have two travel cribs that will just fit alongside our bed.
We took a "class" on happiest baby and they gave us the DVD. I will have to unearth it and watch it. Thanks again for sharing your experiences and wisdom!
Oh, and yes, we feel very, very blessed.
We got a 10 week old who already had a flat head (from never being picked up) and had already given up on crying for things--he just sat there--so sad! With lots of love he seemed to snap right out of it! He'll be two next month and it one of the favorites with all his daycare workers--he has been nicknamed "little lover boy."
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