Looking for support

What a way to find out. Your mother placed during the closed era and is one of millions of mothers who due to societal influences had no other choice. I would suggest that you read The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler to get an understanding of what they went through. After you have done that and your mom is in a better place after loosing her dad then take her for a walk somewhere and just tell her you know. Tell her you understand. Let her know she has your support. Then together figure out how to tell your sisters and discuss if you want to search. Closed era adoptions means your mom has no idea what happened to her child and you may or may not ever find your sibling. Your sibling may or may not have been told she/he was adopted. Take some time to absorb this and do learn about adoption during the closed era before you talk to your mom.

Dickons said it quite well....please learn as much as you can about the closed era, as well as search and reunion. And, your father will have to deal with things as well as your mother....I think you can probably expect a lot of tears, but hopefully there will be a lot of healing as well. Ultimately, you and your siblings have a right to know each other, no matter how your mother and father feel. It's best, though, to travel this journey together, and to give your parents the time they need to work through some of the pain....and regain their footing before moving to the next phase of search and reunion. In the meanwhile, you might start looking for adoption support groups in your area, or online...and please read Ann Fessler's book....you will understand so much more after reading her book.... Best wishes, Susan Reunited Mom

Thanks to you both. This information is very helpful for me. I will definitely read Ann Fessler's book. I am worried that my dad might be angry that my mother talked about it at all. I hope not. My mom's years of depression, low self-esteem, and hurting make so much sense now...

Skunks....a lot of things are going to unfold....like peeling an onion, each layer brings more tears. As sad as it is, this is the way it happens for many women from the closed era.....and, the path to healing requires all of the layers of buried emotions to be peeled back until you hit the core. Losing my son to adoption changed my life....it changed me as a person....and not for the better. Reuniting with my son changed my life again....now, I'm finally learning what it feels like to be alive, after spending 36 years among the walking dead. I equate my healing process with walking through fire....excruciatingly painful. But, the peace I found on the other side of the wall of flames has been worth every bit of the pain I endured. Perhaps you can be the one person your mother can confide in....many, many women who surrendered their children for adoption were essentially told to "deal with it" and "move on." Most of us did not "deal with it" very well.....many of us got "stuck" in the grief and despair. Hardly any of us ever talked about what happened....sometimes because there was no one to listen to us.....sometimes because it was just too painful to talk about. But, whether it is you or someone else, your mother is going to need support....lots of it. Try to be prepared with support and resources, as well as some knowledge about the closed era, before you approach your mother. It's really great that you are posting on the forums.... please feel free to ask questions and share your journey. Best Wishes, Susan

Skunks, I think you have gotten a lot of very good advice here about how to approach your parents and your siblings. However, don't forget about yourself. You have found out something that changes your life and will have effects on many of your relationships, especially with your parents. Do what it takes to work through your feelings about this and make sure you are in a good place.

It is very comforting to know there are others who have gone through this. Thank you all for the feedback. I have been doing some soul searching and trying to figure out my options. Initially I wanted to disclose this to my 'oldest' sister (now I know she is the 2nd oldest!) but, from the experiences others have shared with me, I feel like I have to talk to mom first. I appreciate the insight on needed to care for myself, too. I cannot discuss this with my mother unless I can do it in a care, supportive way. I need to deal with my emotions because any anger or resentment toward my mother could jeapordize our relationship, which is the last thing I want to come out of this.