Pending Reuinon Expections

How's she dealing now?

Mydaughter has not said much other than that she read the email .Her brother looks like her and he is excited to have a sister. I think as birth mother i expect too much like him emailling me more often. The worst part is Igave him my phone number and he never called?. We last emailed each other a week ago( very pleasant email).. Now I feel like he is ignoring. He stopped asking questions tions. Do birth mothers feel this anxious or am I crazy? I have these roller coaster emotions. How could I have given or allowed some one to take my baby? I would not even do that to a puppy. . What do I say to my son about hat horrible day? What do I call him? what type of a woman gives their child away? I ask myself all this quesions. why is he not angry? What book can I read?Our reunion is now in April. Do I give him space how long should i go without communicating? Please help

If you have read many threads on reunion, you will find that many of us refer to reunion as a roller coaster. Try not to panic about the number of emails. You have provided him with lots of information that he has to digest. He may come up with a second around of questions after a bit. I think that reunions that start off slower often have more chance of success long term. It's very hard to maintain the intensity of constant contact. It is normal to feel anxious. (Always remember to breathe.) If you feel like you need contact, email him a nice note. Try not to accuse him or complain... just say you were thinking about him and writing to say hi. You might ask if the two of you could set up a time to talk by phone. The worst he can say is no. Hang in there...

I was excited about the Reunion now I am so scared. I can't breath. April 2nd is aorund the corner. What can I do? I am so nervous some one please help me. What if he thinks I am ugly or fat. what if he does not like me. What if I never hear from him again? Of God what can I do!!!!!!! i I am so nervous,

Aww...breathe! He's likely feeling a lot of the same things you are, and is likely just as nervous!!I hope there are some things you can distract yourself with for the next week? Hang in there!

You can "what if" yourself, but why not think "what if he thinks I'm fabulous," "what if he really likes me," or "what if this is the start of a wonderful relationship"? It can go in a positive direction, too (and I hope it does!). Try to keep yourself occupied with other things for now. Maybe vigorous exercise will help you burn off all the extra anxiety. I know I'd be nervous, too, but try to not think of the worst. If he thinks you're fat/ugly, I'm sure he wouldn't express that, but if he did, or judged you for it, then I'm afraid he's shallow. If he doesn't like you, that would be unfortunate, but not something you really have control over. If you never hear from him again, that would stink, but wouldn't you rather have met him in person, even one time, than to never have done so? And as a previous poster said, he probably is thinking a lot of the same things (what if SHE doesn't like me? What if she thinks I'm dull/boring/stupid/not up to snuff, etc.). I hope things go well for you, and I would bet they will go better than the fears you are conjuring up. Of course, anything is possible, but I'd rather focus on the possibility of things going smoothly than being a total disaster.

Thank you so much guys. I can't stop crying. I have to think positive. I joined a gymn two months ago. I am on my way there.. In our last conversation( 2weeks ago) I told him that I was nervous and he told me not to be because this will be joyful occasion for both of us. I wish things had turned out different. I am hands on mother but the fact that I did not parent him is killing me. As I said before I was a foreign student at the time and I thought I was signing a medical authorization and and they told me they would shelter him for two weeks until if found a place to stay. The woman I was living with told me that her lease did not allow for children. she was the one who had been advocating adoption The social worker did not tell me at the time that my baby ws a USA citizen - just by birth. Which qualified him for government medicaid. She made me believe that the state would take him away since I had no money/insurance/shelter. When I got back before two weeks I was told I had signed the adoption papers( i had no copies and never read what I signed because I was so emotional at the time). I tried to break into the case worker's car to find out where my baby was but they caught me and threatened to call the cops. I am having all those feelings- in the hospital- trying to nurse my baby and the nurse telling me ..NO!!!!!!!.... I just tracked down his dad to another country and he called me a monster. I know he( son) had been looking for me since 2004 but what if he thinks I am monster t00. . He keeps saying that he is not angry.I have hard time with that one. As I mentioned earlier on we are both engineers and I sent him my picture and he said nothing. I am going to try and be positive so I don't ruin this one. It seems the time is just speeding by.Alll those years I thought he would be angry and mean. So when he turned out to be nurturing , happy, kind and funny. He also wanted to know his about culture/heritage. I was just left with no plan on how to deal with himMy biggest shock was that he was raised by people that were not rich. I was told that it was some very very rich doctors. I turned out it was a lie. He was raised by people that loved him and that was more important than money

One of the things I have done with him is tell the truth no matter how painful it is. I have been totally honest with him and I have owned every dumb decision that I made. It was my fault I should have educated myself with the cultural and legal aspect of the laws of the USA especial adoption. I should have read what I was signig and demanded copies or legal representaion espcial since English is not my first language.The mother have more rights nowadays than 28 years ago.. I have loved and wanted all his life and looked for him with this agency and there were unhelpful. If he did not pursue a different route we would never been reunited. It took almost 4 years of running around and giving him false information. I will keep you all updated when I get back. If some one has a list don't as to how I should behave please shoot. I really think there should be a book for birth-mothers for the dos and donts. This is one complicated relationship- I mean I have such a roller coast of emotions. I have told him NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS ASK ASK ME ANYTHING!!!!!!!! I will be truthful always. Thank you moderator and all the pepole in this website. i also learn from the adoptees. I appreciate all the help I thank you for your r support.Good Luck to all those that are seeking Reunion and those waiting to hear back from the contact initiated.

I to am a birth mom in recent reunion with my daughter. I know what your feeling. Take a breath... Let it out... You are doing things right so far. He will need his wife there for him just as you will need your husband and family... There will be time for the two of you as well. The best advice I can give you from my experience. Is to let things happen naturally. Dont try to force things, just be yourself. And DONT FORGET TO BREATHE. LOL I was like you, the closer it got... the worse the butterflies... I did not eat that day that was for sure. It will be ok. And whatever you do, dont forget to give us an update! Good luck!

Why not let him arrange where to stay. Let him talk and listen. I think he wants his wife there to hear what he and you have to say - it is a little overwhelming the first visit and having another person is good so when you go over it again after he/they is/are gone they can sometimes remember things you miss. You might also like to have a bystander - to take pictures and also listen.

I Am Back From The Reuinon

Back from the family Reunion. my son rocks I am socked in hugs. I had the best time of my life since giving him up. Of course I cried like a crazy woman( promised my self that I will not cry) and he had tissues and back rubs. I can smell his cologne all over me.The weekend suddenly got shorter. Oh well!!!!!!!!!! details on Tuesday. I miss him laready!

I'm glad it was a good visit! We're waiting for details, LOL!

I left here on Friday to go meet my son I was supposed to leave my destination @ 12noon. I did not leave until 5 pm. It seemed everything as going wrong. There was just too much confusion that I decided maybe that was a sign that I should not go and I was convinced that he would not come. I finally left for Atlanta and unfortunately for me the roads had so many Easter Sunday vacationers. On my way there I decided to call the hotel about the reservations and I was told that my son had checked in on Thursday instead of Friday. I was tongue tied and suddenly I was very nervous. His wife was there with him and I then decided to order champagne, flowers, for their room. Upon arrival which was now midnight I took shower and then called their room. I am not sure why I was following the advice of a friend. His wife answered the phone and I requested to talk to him and it seemed he did not want to.( he later told me he wanted my first contact with him to be in person). We arranged to meet for breakfast down stirs in the morning. I always enjoy the breakfast @ Georgia Tech Hotel. Now before I go any further he had arranged for a private room which they showed me on arrival. I was crying so much and they had to use the service elevator to take me upstairs. The staff at the hotel was simply amazing. The next day I went downstairs to meet him. We were to meet @ 9.am but I go there @ 8.am. I had gone to pick up my daughter who is a student at GIT. She was complaining how early it was and she never wanted to come but my 16 year old told me to leave everything to him. We sat down and waited for them to show up and my 16 year old kept makes beats on the table in reference to our hearts. Suddenly they appeared and I wanted to o fly over the tables and kiss, him, and tell him how much I love him and as I tried to jump up my friend had me by the blouse and told me to sit down. When they approached the table the kids extended a shake and he said or know you are not hugging us today. His sarcasm broke the icy and they all hugged. I got up and hugged his wife. Who by the way is very beautiful and has been helping him search for me . They had hired a PIi and wanted to do international because they thought I returned to my home land. I then turned to him and he hugged me so tight I then sat next to him while we ate breakfast. I donҒt remember what I ate. After break fats we went to the private room. While we waited for security to open the room I was petrified. We talked and I cried and he hugged me. I asked for his forgiveness many many times but he kept saying I am not angry, I understand and there is nothing to forgive.. I cried the most when I found out he spent his first six month in temporal Shelter. I had been told that the doctor(afather) had picked him up that afternoon. I was really hurt. We talked for 4 hours and decided to go to lunch with the rest of the family. It was magnificent. The dinner was amazing at southern restaurant and he was engaged with his siblings. He has away of making everyone comfortable. He is handsome, funny and compassionate and. Kind. I was quite sure he was going to be angry but he laughed when he realized that he had thrown me off the curve and I id not know how to deal with him. The next day we met again for 3x hours for our goodbyes. I cried and asked for his forgiveness. He took my hands and looked me in the eye and said I forgive youԔ. Those word were very powerful and I cant explain. I owned to my stupidity in not understanding about adoption . I owned up the fact I was too naive . He said he could not believe that after years of searching for me he was sitting in front of me. I enjoyed meeting my son and his wife. She tried to get the kids comfortable. My so gave me his contact after our meeting I then asked her what her parent thought. He said they donҒt know. I am glad we found each other now he wants to find his dad.. We have communicated since I left. It was the best Easter 2010 and I am glad my son found me. The fact that he is very healthy emotional young man successful as I am is amazing. He clicked with my other teenage son because they have o much in common and they look alike. No matter what happens now I am happy that I had this opportunity. Not all adopted adult children are angry. He also wanted his original certificate and I also answered every question honestly. I feel sad that his gone and I try not to overwhelm by calling him constantly. What do I do with these fears of not seeing him again? How do I proceed now wihtout spooking this man? He is moving awayfrom the adopted parents to a different state- due to a career- long before he met me. He gave me his new number. How often should I touch basis?

I am relay having a hard time with my Daugherty being open. She did show up since we where in her college town. She says she likes him( tells the little brother) but has not emailed the brother she just met to say it was nice to meet you etc. My other teenage son is crazy about the brother vice vesa. Reunions are hard because even though I have talked to my b son( i hate that word) though email three times since the reunion. I find my self wanting to call him every second now that I have his cell phone. I had to come her to these post and read the messages- I have to take things slowly. I want more and I want it now yet I don't want to ruin things.. I have waited for so long. and I feel I did not spend enough time with him. I know the relationship will grow but you feel like its growing too slow. i want it to last and I know I can't rush things but part of my brain is not functioning LOL. I wish there was more help available for birth mothers because we have been looking for our kids for years. during that time You love the child and then when you meet they have to learn to like you etc. This relationship is like no other. The agency said the father did not offer support- of course he did not because he did not know i was pregnant.