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Our 13 year old son came home to us at 15 months old from a neglectful enviornment. He has always been a shadow baby and child, following me around etc., and a few control issues but nothing else to indicate an major attachment problem. He is generally happy. He is respectful, but can give looks & the silent treatment, if things do not go his way.
Now he is doing things that I don't know how to parent. He has many friends and is smart. But he forgets school things constantly, which is having a negative effect on his grades. This behavior has coincided with his new sisters arrival. Even though we get him all of his school supplies, he never has them at school, and the teachers are constantly loaning him things. He seems to enjoy giving the impression that we don't have time for him, which is totally false.
I find school papers & supplies hidden behind furniture and even though I guide him with homework, it never makes it into the teachers hands. His teachers are completely clueless and give him chances to make up the work for a lesser grade as he can be so charming.
We have had conversations with him, and he is very sensitive and starts crying, telling us that he is trying, but he forgets, or that his little sister takes his things..(she isn't) Then I think I am putting too much pressure on him. But I just want him to get his work in--nothing more & to try his best.
I don't know how to approach this--it seems if his priveleges are taken away-he does not care, and the behavior does not end. He just goes about his day as if nothing has happened. What is going on? Is is the age or is something else? What are some strategies to help him get over this? We also have an older son, and we give all of our children attention, so I don't think this is a negative attention thing either.W e make a big deal out of his positive accomplishments & tell him how proud we are when he gets a good grade etc also.
Any insight to this behavior and how to parent this would be greatly appreciated.
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Clearly it's not "normal" teen forgetfulness/laziness if you're finding the school supplies hidden behind the couch and you know it isn't the little one hiding them. I would call a conference with son and teacher and put a plan in place (so he can't charm them into multiple make-up attempts). HE has to be responsible for the work at this age, not Mom. HE may choose to lose out on special privileges (logical consequences) if he has to stay after to make up missed work, etc. Nip this one in the bud now before high school--much harder there!
You might want to post this on the Special Needs board, too, since there is more frequent activity there and you're sure to get better answers than mine. Good luck!
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Mommy K
This behavior has coincided with his new sisters arrival.
Hi
My 13 year old daughter does very similar things...she is in special ed and speech. Since going to a psychologist for 1 year for depression and other emotional behaviors she just started doing things like your son.
Since there are some many sides to her, I don't know how the lying and "forgetting" play into the big picture.
She sometimes even "forgets" to flush the toilet, which she never did before....its a "new" trick to upset us? Is ist part of testing our love because of some unresolved attachement issue??? I wish I had some answers for you, but made we can share experiences and tips how to deal with this one issue. Good luck!
In many ways, this is typical 13 year old boy behavior but with the added issue of a new sibling. Our son would do his homework and I would watch him put it into his backpack and then somehow it would get sucked into a black hole and his report cards would state that he did not turn his homework.Taking away privileges had no affect and actually seemed to make things worse as he now had a definite thing to be angry about, rather than what was really bothering him.He seemed to not care at all whether he was failing a class or not.I contacted the school counselor so she could start keeping tabs on him and maybe talk to him, but we doubted that he would ever talk to a school counselor about what was going on.We also experienced the silent glowering treatment ( I used to joke about the two bald spots on the back of my head from his intense stares.) I think this is also typical 13 year old boy behavior.For us, time made all the difference. He is now 14, and while he still glowers, we can now joke about it.I know this sounds like the reverse of what you feel like doing, but maybe let him and some friends spend some time alone at a local mall, movie theater or arcade, to let him know you think of him as responsible and older and to show him the good things that can come of being older.