Birth mother on Facebook?

Thank you all for your answers! We decided a while ago that we will definitely look for the birth mothers. I am just wondering whether Facebook is an "appropriate" start - still struggling with the answer. But please give your input!

Think I found my dd's birthmom on fb, too.

There are a lot of people in Russia with similar names. The likelihood that this particular one is THE one is very low. There is also a Russian version of facebook, a site that is not related to facebook itself. Most of our kids' birth mothers live in such dire circumstances of poverty that it is extremely unlikely that they are online at all, much less doing social networking. Anything is possible, of course, but I think it's extremely unlikely to be the right person.

My gut feeling tells me that FB is not the way forward in this situation, having said that, I did search FB to see if Antonina's birth mum was on there. I guessed she wouldn't be given the circumstances i.e. extreme poverty etc but I was curious enough to look. On another note, I was contacted a few months ago via FB and asked (on behalf of her friend) if i was a birth mum to a teenage girl. She sent a private message to all the people on FB with the same name as me so seems people are doing just that. Good Luck Becky, I'm doing a small search at the moment too.

I dont know about finding lost members of the adoption triad but there was an article I was reading in yesterday's newspaper. The article said that many divorces were attributed to people finding exes and others they normally wouldnt gain the courage to find by other means. Seems in many cases the people were treading in rough waters. I think I would reconsider like others said for whom the ease is, for the searcher, or for the person on the other line who may not want to be found/may not have such a private account. Amy K, NJ

I had this happen to me, pre-adoption, pre-TPR My instinct was to accept her friend request and calm her nerves about placement, but family members who knew her, CWs, and CASA all advised against I did not friend her, which made her angry and determined to block the placement (In then end, we ended up hugging at the TPR and getting an OA). Looking back, I'm glad I didn't friend her - boundaries are super important and FB reveals much to much for that relationship

We have not done this yet with our two older children - adopted from Romania in 1991 & 1993 - but check out this Youtube video about Romanian adoptees returning to Romania to meet their birth parents and families. Very interesting from the adoptees point of view. [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPOetgu-xfA]YouTube - Back to the Roots (1)[/url] It's a 6 part series which follows several of the adoptees on their return and their meetings. Very well done by Romanian TV. If the link does not work simply Google - "Youtube Back to the Roots Romania" and the first one will pop up. These videos would apply to "any adoptee".

Ditto - I could not imagine using any social networking site in this kind of search. EVER

I know this is an ond thread....but this is something my husband and I are planning on doing once we complete our adoption as well. We think it is important for our son because the trail can go cold quickly and we want to get everything we can before it does. Fortunatly I do not have personal experience with domestic violence....but I do professionally. I agree that this search could be VERY dangerous for the birth mother. It is quite possible a violent relationship (boyfriend, husband, parents...etc..) could be THE reason her child is not with her. With abortion being cheap, available and more socially acceptable in Russia...I have to believe there had to be great love there for her to actually give birth to the child.....regardless of her lifestyle and personal circumstances. I can't imagine spending my life wondering if the little boy I am walking by (or God forbid street teens) is my son. I want to ease her mind that he is well cared for and that unknown is not something she has to live with. I read somewhere (and it may have been on this forum somewhere...I can't remember) a fantastic way to try and make contact while taking care for her saftey and to make it her choice entirely. The person said they hired a service and sent a letter about being an American doing some geneoloy research and thinking their families may be related. Talk about your life, including some telling information that only she would understand, like one of your children being a angel that came into your life (give birth month and year). This way, if someone is reading over her shoulder or finds the letter....at most they would think it was from some crazy American with too much time on their hands. And it leaves contact totally up to her at that point...but she would know what happened to her child and hopefully it would give her peace of mind. Just my opionion:))

I know this is an old thread but I thought my experience might be beneficial to some. I read of a Russian version of facebook and decided to see if I could find anyone with my son's Russian last name. I ended up finding about 10 people in my son's hometown with his last name. I private messaged 3 of them using google translator to ask if they had any information on my son. It was up to them to decide if they wanted to reply or not. 2 did not. But one did...and it was his birth mother. No one was more surprised than me...after 13 years of wondering who this woman was....here she was staring at me from the computer. This is all very new, and I'm not sure how this is all going to go....but one afternoon and a few google searches, and I have answers for my son that I never thought I'd have. I gave the people I messaged all of the power. I messaged once, and left it up to them completely to respond to me. There was no danger for them, because I didn't identify any of them as knowing anything. I did note that the one woman had my son's birth mother's first name...but I did not indicate that in my message. I have not yet told my son about this, and I won't until I get more information about her, but I am so thrilled that I have a picture to put with this unknown woman I've been so grateful to for 13 years. And yes...I am sure she was surprised...especially since I sent the message on his birthday...but I can't imagine a letter or a searcher showing up at her door would be any less surprising. I am thrilled to know that she is in college now, is married...doing well. She made the right decision for her son and for herself, and I am hopeful that the contact with me let's her find some peace in knowing that as well. The russian facebook page by the way is vk.com. I made up a fake name and attached an e mail to it with my fake name as well. I have far more information about her than she has of me...in fact, she has no information from me....

Very interesting!!! Just did a quick search on that site and found a woman who fits my daughter's b-mom info. Hmmmm......Not sure if it's her though, but very interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, gave cell number and immediately received a txt msg, in English, with username and password.

I admit it feels a little like spying when you are looking at social networking sites, but I don't think it's any less creeper-ish to hire someone to find them and deliver letters to them. I'd think either one would be surprising to the birth parents. In the case of social media, it seems a much less formal way of communicating, which I think can be less threatening. It used to be we'd have to hire someone or write a letter to contact a birth parent, but now you can just email them and get instant translations, etc.... In our case, we were able to find out a few things about her but she does not want sustained contact. We now have to figure out what to tell our son...and when. But still, I don't regret it. My son always wanted to know what she looked like..and now I can give him that plus the knowledge that it was very hard for her to give him up...

I believe I found my son's birthmother on facebook and VK (The Russian Facebook). She is the right age, right name and from St. Petersburg, Russia. How can I get information regarding her birthdate? If I had that I would know for sure. My son does resemble her.