We started this process almost three years ago with the intentions of adopting a single girl under the age of 7. We've been waiting almost a year now for a placement and haven't even came close yet. We have discussed the idea of expanding our horizens to include sibling groups of two, one girl and one boy.
So my question is, for those of you that have adopted/fostered both sibling groups of two and single children - what is the differences between the two? I know each situation is completely different...but the idea of adopting two and getting in over my head scares the crap out of me.
And even those of you that have adopted sibling groups of two - what are your experiences?
I've actually only had one single child placed with me. And I can tell you that sibling groups have unique challenges. You have all of the miscellaneous stuff that goes with any child--school, drs., therapies, visits--except more of it.
Why have we never had singletons? We were licensed for 5, so our agency kept us full!
We were very blessed to be able to adopt our last 2, Bubba 6, and Flowergirl 4. They were placed with us in 2007 and we adopted them a week shy of their 2 year anniversary with us. They are wonderful kids, but there continues to be some mighty issues.
I guess because we already had 4 kids--3 adult, 1 teen--that it never seemed completely out of the question, but having as many as 4 other kids with high emotional needs can get overwhelming in a hurry!
Have you called your sw and talked about this? What you are open to accepting may be the reason behind your not being called. If you are open to more, you might be called. It also might be because they just aren't getting too many calls.
It's a very personal decision. We said we would be open to any ethnicity, either gender, up to 5 (and would have sought a variance to keep a larger group together), basic level (and that never happened--some in the group were, some were not), aged 0-10, bring 'em on! We did not want a known fire starter or someone who had already been sexually agressive with other kids although we were open to kids with SA or any other type of abuse.
We kind of have a preference for groups of kids. We didn't know it at the time. It has never, ever been boring!
Call your sw and talk about it. Find out why they haven't called. Then figure out what you want to do.
This may or may not apply. When we were filling out our preference forms for the county, they suggested we put two, instead of one, if we possibly could take two. It doesn't mean you have to.
They said if someone is adamant about only wanting one, they still consider who they call when placing a single kid if the birth mom is young & having the type of issues that don't go away easily. The reason for placement consideration is because there is a high probability she could have more kids and they like to keep sibs together.
From what I've learned, foster/adopt is a roller coaster; you can't predict, so be open if you go this route.
Our friends were pretty firm on one baby. They got one, but then her 8 year old sister was pulled out of grandma's house (who had custody), so they were offered her. Since they hadn't finalized TPR on the baby, they felt inclined to take the older sibling, so they ended up with two. As it turns out, they are very happy and overjoyed they can give their baby a loving home with her older sister. The older girl was sweet, advanced for her age, and loves helping out with the care of her little sister. It's a real fairy tale.
We, on the other hand, wanted two and only got one. We realize another might come later because birthmom is young. We were told this was taken into consideration when choosing who to call.
So I say go for it. Open yourself up to one OR two and then pray for strength to endure what you're given.
We said 2 and adopted a sibling group of 4. So uhm...ya, so much for plans. LOL!
So different really. You not only have your bonding with the child to contend with but you also have their bonding to each other to contend with. Then, since you already have a child, that will also mean fostering the relationships with all 3 together and then of course sibling one on one. (You don't do this all at once, mind you! It's a process!!!!)
It's not to scare you off. Just saying it really is different and you'll need to be prepared for those differences as much as possible.:)
Dh and I fostered a sib group of 3 boys ages 3, 5, and 7. We went from a family of 2 to 5. It was tiring parenting 3 especially the younger two that feed off each other with negative behaviors. The youngest was a placed in another home, disruptive behaviors in daycare, and we had the 5 and 7 year old. Much better, but it was hard at times giving them individual attention. They could play with each and that was great. Now we are down to 1 and even though he likes the individual attention, he repeatedly states that he is bored which is understandable because he is used to having his brothers. However, I have to admit that he is bonding to us more and showing more personality since it is just him.
Dh and I are looking to adopt, not him, his goal is reunification, but we are now wondering if we should choose single kids v. sib groups. Sometimes I think sib groups of 2 or 3 would be better because they could keep each other company. On the other hand, I enjoy having just one to worry about and giving him/her undivided attention. I am the only child, semi spoiled, okay very spoiled, but I understand wishing having someone to play with, but on the other hand, I loved not having to share all of the time.
Good thread. I hope more people respond.
I'm hoping you get more responses too. I am changing to accept 2 girls. The more I think about it the more benefits I can see our adopted children would have. My bio daughter would love to have 2 more sisters to play with. In fact I sent my homestudy to Ohio today for consideration of a group of 2 sisters, excited (but cautiously) to see what happens with that. Good luck to you!
Well, I have two! Going from zero kids to two kids really has it's challenges but we absolutely love it.
The interaction between the kids varies. For the most part they are hugely bonded to each other and the older one is parentified which we are trying to relieve her of. The younger is getting to be more 'himself' all the time and while he admires his big sis and wants to do everything she does he is definitely laying more 'NO!'s on her than she cares to hear. When they are not playing parent/child there is some sibling rivalry as they mature. Overall we find they are much, much closer than siblings who came from a stable background and I hope they always turn to each other (in a healthy way) as they grow up.
Everything is doubled - doctor visits, dentist visits, trying to give one on one time (DH and I will split the kids up and go do different things with them), therapists visits, teacher conferences. Sometimes it feels like more than a full time job. But a job we love and wouldn't trade for anything.
I wanted one infant to start out. Hahahahahaha!