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Our kiddos have a four day weekend this week for their Spring break. As a family we have planned a overnight trip to a indoor water park resort in the state next to us. Our 9 year old FS is extremely excited but our 7 year old FS who has also been diagnosed as having RAD is already beginning to self sabotage the trip for himself. He makes negative comments about the water park, says things like " it won't be fun." "this is going to be stupid." I am seeing more defiant behaviors as the trip date gets closer. Tonight he even asked "if I am bad, do I still get to go?" This is not the first time he has self sabotage a fun family outing for himself, and I can just predict what is going to happen during this trip.
Everyone is looking forward to this trip, our 9 year old especially has been through a lot in the last month and could mentally use this escape. Can anyone offer any advice on how to make this trip go as smoothly as possible, and to help our 7 year deal with his emotions/feelings so that he enjoy this trip as well?
Thanks!
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My thought is your son is terrified because this is something new for him. RAD kids don't do very well with change.
You could start by telling him you understand that he is worried and anxious about the trip, and that is OK. You could let him know that it doesn't matter what he does, he will still be going but that you'll be there for him when he feels anxious.
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RAD kids don't want to feel good about themselves. They hate themselves and try to avoid anything that will challenge their view. They can't handle a lot of fun.Are you sure he isn't trying to sabotage the trip for everyone? That is what I would expect. The power to ruin a trip for everyone is a huge turn on for them. When we first got our RADlet he tried to sabotage a trip to Grandma's for Thanksgiving by "getting sick"--throwing up on purpose all over his bed, room, hall, and brother, not once, but twice on the night before the trip. Then once we got there he pooped all over the bathroom, walls, floor, bathtub, cabinets in grandma'a bathroom. I guess he thought we would be so exasperated that we would just go home. We know his last foster family regularly cancelled trips for everyone based on his behavior. In reality it was a relief because we didn't have to monitor him as closely while he spent all those hours cleaning it up. :-)Ours has never succeed in canceling a trip and he doesn't try much anymore. He still sometimes acts out before a trip, much like yours is doing. We usually conceal our plans from him as much as possible so that he doesn't have to think about it and doesn't have time to make plans for resistance.