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I am a natural mother who relinquished her only child back in the Baby Scoop Era. Like many of you, I've been plagued with grief, loss, anger, pain....for 38 years now.
I've had the great privilege of knowing other mothers such as myself, of meeting their children, of loving many of you. And I've often wondered what the meaning of my own existence is. I am the first to admit that I screwed up when I was 16 years old -- that the decisions of a young teenager would have serious repercussions many years later.
But lately, I've become acutely aware that our voices are being heard....and our voices are making a difference in today's world of adoption. I received some PM's today from several amoms, telling me that by sharing my story, they're actively treating the first mothers of their children with extra respect and love. And that is soooo huge to me.
I cannot change the decision I made 38 years ago, but if I can use the pain...if I can help one child or parent to understand what really goes down in adoption from the birth mother's perspective...then I will die a happy woman.
I have often called adoption a "sacred trust". I truly believe this....and if I ever write a book, that will be its title. I do believe that adoptive parents, especially mothers, are listening to us, ladies.
Let your voice be heard...speak up. :loveyou:
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{{{Raven}}}
I hear YOU and all the other firstMoms/birthMoms on this forum. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have learned from all of you. Things that were in my heart but maybe didn't have the courage to do or because of people IRL who wouldn't understand, that I have now chosen to do.
Because of all of you there is a lovely young man, who tried his best to parent at 18/19 as a single Dad to 2 kids, who failed miserably at it. Who lost his kids to the system. Who NOW has the the amazing opportunity to get to know his daughter again and be in her life regularly. To be a part of her growing up instead of waiting until she is 18 or whenever. To be welcomed into our family.
Because of all of you there is a young girl. 11 yrs old. Who said good bye to her birthDad in a McDonalds at the age of 6. Who thought that she would never see him again. Who now gets to invite him to go ride quads in the mountains with her Daddy and brother. Who now gets to spend the day being a tourist in his town going to the museum and to the park and eating noodles on the beach. Who now gets to invite him to her school plays and spend the evening at his other daughter's Mom's house eating pizza and playing with the kids. Who didn't have to wait till she was 18 or whenever to have big reunion with a stranger. Who has him now.
So yes Raven and all the other amazing Moms courageously sharing with us on here please keep speaking up. We aMom's {and aDads through us} are hearing you and it is changing lives. Thank you.
SM
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I've said before how much what you all have to say matters to me - how it has impacted the way I approach our children's adoption - how it made me *really* think, before we decided to adopt, about how we wanted to do things & why. But I figure it's not possible to tell the people who have impacted your life in such a huge way how grateful you are that they had that impact...so I'm saying it again. :)
(((Sunshinemomma)))
You are the reason why I post here...why I let you see my pain, my hopes, my fears.
If someone asked me what the most important thing they could do for me, I would say please pray for me....and love my child...your child.
Love your child, treasure your child, cherish your child. That is what his/her mother of origin wants and prays for every day of her life.
{{{Raven}}
I forgot to say {actually I had to run and get my girl off to school...LOL} that I am truly and deeply sorry for our knowledge as aMoms coming at such a huge cost to you firstMoms/birthParents. I really want to acknowledge the enormous price that every bParent has had to pay for every single one of our adoptions, no matter what the circumstances.
I used to say that I couldn't imagine the pain of losing a child but now because of all of you sharing your hearts here I can imagine.
I hear it in your voices and read it in your words and it really does go directly to the deepest place in my heart and helps define the love for my daughter.
SM
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RavenSong
...if I can help one child or parent to understand what really goes down in adoption from the birth mother's perspective...then I will die a happy woman.
I can't say it any better than the others.
I am amom and I listened to Raven and the others and it changed my life (and I hope the life of my child and my child's mom...and even his bdad who chooses not to be a part of the OA but is still a part of it in our philopsophy of openness). but even more important, I am now an advocate myself...for openness, for more resources to help pregnant women to keep their babies, for more ethical adoption practices, for laws that protect birth parents as well as adoptive parents. Lately I have been doing some speaking engagements for PAPS and tlkaing about these issues with them.
Let's keep it going. Let's honor the women from the "baby scoop" era and show them that we will not repeat the mistakes of the past.
DPline
You most defiently have and I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you and the other birthmothers here telling your stories. They have truely changed me and I would like to think made me a better person and a better Mom. I only hope that one day if I am able to meet my children's birthmothers that they will be content with the decision they made to place their beautiful children with me and the way I raised them. :grouphug:
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