Advertisements
Ok I put this in School Aged Section because it seems appropriate(mods feel free to move if need be)
After reading some threads here and on other places and in light of the recent widespread cyberbullying incidents I sometimes ask myself "where are`the parents?"
Having kids that are at the age where some friends have cell phones and free use of the internet this is something I am very adamant about. My boys do not have cell phones and any internet use is strictly monitored,no myspace or facebook for starters.
Now I know that some pafenst here may object but "I" do blieve as a parent I must take responsibility to protect my kids . They have lives ahead of them where they can have as many cellphones and make use of the interente as much as they want, but as long as they are minors living under my roof it is my responsibility as their mother to to keep them away from what I feel can be dangerous sitiuations. No way am i being overbearing or overprotective because my boys understand why. Thye have witnessed my friend's daughter get into a heap of trouble texting a so called girl and emailing her for months only to find out it was not a 14 yr old girl but a 43 year old adult.
Then I see parents that are`up in arms because their kids are being bullied on facebook. Hello these are`12 year old kids!! Whay are` they even on face book? I just cannot wrap my head around all this. Try as i might to see things from another perspective I just cannot justify some of these parentsand their decision.
I am fully aware that the kids can sneak off to a library and`gain access to such mediums, but allowing it to take place at home is another story.
My husband is in full agreement with me on this as are my In laws.
As I stated in another thread, life is not as simple as "don't talk to strangers" Our children are bombarded with so much information these days and I would much rather keep things as simple as possible.
As humans we are social being and having a kid sit in front of computer playing games sooner or later is going to grow thin and the need for social interaction is going to cause them to stray to the internet. IDK, can someone enlighten me?? Please.
I have posted in other threads about my friend's daughter and the texting situation. Maybe that is an extreme case, but not as uncommon as I have observed a good many of my son's peers hopelessly devoted to their phones.
I know that I can trust my kids so that is not the question. I just do not trust what is out there and while I know I cannot shelter them from life(I cdertainly am not trying to) I just would like to minimize the possibilities of dangerous situations that can come from innocent exchanges. I am sure that when these kids are lured in they are totally ususpecting.
Thank you for reading this lengthy post but it has been weighing heavily on my mind for a while now.
EZ
Like
Share
Advertisements
My older kids have FB and also cell phones. However, they are 15 and 16. I am thier friend on FB, and I have thier passwords. Thier cell phones have parental controls. We can control who and when they can call or text and we limit thier texts. My kids tell me everything and have earned trust. My ten year old has a cell phone, but it stays home most of the time (where it doesn't work, cause we live in the boonies where we have no signal, LOL), but she takes it to dance conventions and contests where she might get separated from her teacher. She is allowed to take it to school on days when she is walking my neices home from school. (then my 16 year old picks them up) She also has parental controls that limit who she can call or text and when. I did let them start getting on the internet when they were around 12, but they are used to the computer being in the family room out in the open and used to me checking on them and we talk about what sites they go to. A lot of their friends have FB accounts that thier parents don't know about. They get on at the library or at friends houses or even on friends cell phones. I know this because several of them have friended me (it's about numbers, they want lots of friends) and then asked me not to tell thier parents. The ones smart enough not to friend me have commented on my kids accounts so I see that they have accounts. I have let a few parents know. I think it's better that they are on with my supervision and knowledge than if they were on behind my back. A lot of course depends on the child's age and maturity and the relationship you have with your kid.
I think in most cases of cyberbullying, the parents are not involved at the level they should be. Even when a parent is involved, bullying can occur either online or in cyberspace. My DD is now 13, but she has been online since she was very young. All along the way, we have taught her and been involved with her computer use. She has MySpace, FB and other sites she can "friend" people. We know all of her "friends" and she always asks us about adding people. We have all of her passwords.
The computer is on the family room where we can see what is going on. She is able to use it without us being there, but she also knows that we can look at what she has been doing at any time. She has a cell phone, but only takes it with her if she is leaving the house. Most of the time, it sits on a shelf.
She is growing up in a world where computer use and world connections through the computer are becoming the norm. In order for her to succeed in that world and be able to make the correct choices throughout her life, we are teaching her how to operate in that world. For us, it's similar to teaching kids about sex. If you start when they are young explaining things at the level they can understand, it is less likely they will make a big mistake later. She knows all about the dangers and how to handle herself when confronted with situations, she has been armed with the knowledge to make the right choice. For us, we feel it is better to supply her with an environment that is nurturing her need to experience things, learn new technologies and make her own decisions, rather than waiting until she is older and then not be in a position to help her learn and control what she is seeing/doing. Knowledge is power.
Thank you so much for your input. You all are what I consider "responsible" parents that are in the knw of what your children are doing. Sadly, I think many of the cases where these situations get out of hand are when the parenst are rather oblivious to what their children are doing online.
I fully agree that in this day and age the importance of children being educated in computers, interent and technology are impertative, but here again I believ that parents need to take some responsibility.
I am in MA and this has become pretty heated here as of late. I feel too that it is not only children that need som e laws and guidelines and consequences for their actions but adults too.
A friend of mine has a son that attempted suicide resulting from online bullying and another has a daughter that got into a serious mess as result of internet and texting so natuarally I am cautous with my boys.
So far they have not yet asked for any wireless gadgets but with summer approaching I am sure my oldest will be wanting a cell phone. I am a little torn and that is yet another reason I am wanting some input.
I know he can be trusted but on the other hand I know how fast things can change when the kids get together(12 yr old boys) a certain chemistry occurs and things can take on a life of their own.
IDK maybe I am freaking out and hopefully not reading too much into it but living in the city and aware of what is happening with youngster scares me.
Another concern is kids taken on a sedentary lifestyle in front of a computer all day. I think key is a healthy balance so that they still can go out and participate in the real world socially as well as pysically.
Oh well that is what I get for having kids later in life. lol Things seemed so much simpler without all this information.
EZ
I think most cell phone providers have some sort of parental controls you can get. They don't always advertize these, so you might have to ask or search thier website. We have AT&T. We can limit things, block numbers, limit thier texts (we pay for unlimited texts, but we limit them anyway so that they don't do hours of texting, if we go on a long driving trip we might give them extra, or if something is going on with a friend who lives far away or they earn some extra texts we can add more easily) They can't call anyone except certain numbers (dh, me, the house, emergency numbers, grandma, etc) during school hours or late at night. they also can't text most numbers during those hours. There are also more basic cell phones you can get. My dd's first one was a disposable type phone, very basic and inexpensive with prepaid minutes, just to see how she would handle it. My neice dropped hers in the toilet and instead of getting a new one they moved the sim card to a prepaid very basic phone, which she had to pay for. It has no camera and is very basic. She will use that until she is due for an upgrade and can get another free phone. I think easing them into it with lots of guidence is best. Make sure they understand that it's a privelege and not a right. My son knows that if grades drop or he misbehaves the first thing that he looses is all electronic communication. This kills him because his girlfriend lives two hours away and thier communication is mostly texts, IMs and the phone. (yes I read the texts and IMs, they are totally sappy, and mostly boring - "what are you doing?" "Nothing, what are you doing?" "Nothing, I wish you were here." "I wish you were here too")They accept my involvement because it's always been that way since ds was not even two and playing his "Simba" game on the computer. We don't have computers in the bedrooms and no cell phone use at home.
Advertisements
I agree with you about children not having free access to phones and texting and the internet. I was raised in Ohio where we would play outside and I had hobbies. I know that times have changed and that this isn't Ohio but I still think that too many kids now are glued to the tv or the computer and don't do enough to get up and out. They don't play, they don't go outside and let's face it there face to face verbal skills are lacking because they really dont have to sit and talk to each other. They just sit and text or talk to each other on the computer. I fear for the future because of the weight problems of most kids and the lack of face to face communication. That all being said.
It sounds like you are a great mother and it does sound like you have a mutual respect with your children. As far as facebook and myspace and stuff is concerned I am not a fan but let's face it this is the up and coming generation. I would suggest sitting down and talking with your kids about it when the time is right. Teach them how to protect themselves on it by only letting certain people see there site or on their site tell them that these decisions are important and how they may affect others in there lives or there's in the future. Many companies check you out on facebook or myspace. My vote would be to allow the kids to have some responsibility and open up the communication line between you and them, show them you trust them and yeah they probably will make a mistake or two, but that is ok. (On a side note I am in school for my PHD in Physical Therapy and for one of my projects I had to use facebook, and I personally don't like using it but it is the future.)
As far as phone's are concerned I had a cell phone way back when, when they were huge but that was for emergencies only. After a year of emergencies only and by me obeying the rules mom and dad loosened the ties a little, but keep in mind that you get the bill and you still see the amount of time they talk and to whom. You can easily take it away if they don't obey the rules.
You're a great mom and you're kids are sound great too. Remember that all kids arent alike, your kids are different from everyone elses and may not fall into the same problems other parents seem to be having. :o