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My husband and I have been married 15 yrs. No children. Started with DFYS 3/2008. We had our first fost/adopt placement 11/13/09. Just what we have waited for a beautiful baby girl. A couple weeks later we learn that the mom(19 yrs old) has a 13 month old in foster care since birth and she is blocking the adoption. The father of this child a convicted drug dealer is going to do everytihng to get his daughter back. Mom test positive for drugs. They both have weekly visits and reunification is the plan 2/2010 mom goes to mommy and me program for drugs, anger management, etc. Neither parent has a diploma, home, or job. However, the baby was taken from us on 3/31/10 and placed with mom in a 6 month program. What is wrong with the system. We were screened to make sure we had income, home, and even our cars were ok. But biological parents can use the babies as income and shelter.. This system stinks. NJ budget this is what most of our budget supports. dead beat moms and dads.
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I am so very sorry for your loss...I think this is the most difficult job in the world and it certainly is not fair when the system doesn't work the way we want it to or how it should, especially when us foster parents are held to such high standards...wishing you peace in the coming days...-Kate
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Please feel free to vent away. Share your feelings and let us know how you're doing. Most of us have walked in your shoes before. My first placement was here from September- December, only 3 months, but I felt such a sense of loss when she left. It was so unexpected as the case was a reunification case from the beginning and we knew all the facts. I did not expect to become so attached. The sense of loss was very painful. I have three other children so I was able to focus on them and I was determined not to let them know how sad I was as it was Christmas time. It's difficult for others to understand how we feel because they think this is what we signed up for when we became foster parents so we should be prepared, but that's simply not the way it works. The girls on this board are really wonderful and supportive, so please, lean on us, we truly understand!-Kate
copswife166
Please feel free to vent away. Share your feelings and let us know how you're doing. Most of us have walked in your shoes before. My first placement was here from September- December, only 3 months, but I felt such a sense of loss when she left. It was so unexpected as the case was a reunification case from the beginning and we knew all the facts. I did not expect to become so attached. The sense of loss was very painful. I have three other children so I was able to focus on them and I was determined not to let them know how sad I was as it was Christmas time. It's difficult for others to understand how we feel because they think this is what we signed up for when we became foster parents so we should be prepared, but that's simply not the way it works. The girls on this board are really wonderful and supportive, so please, lean on us, we truly understand!-Kate
tindesk28
My husband and I have been married 15 yrs. No children. Started with DFYS 3/2008. We had our first fost/adopt placement 11/13/09. Just what we have waited for a beautiful baby girl. A couple weeks later we learn that the mom(19 yrs old) has a 13 month old in foster care since birth and she is blocking the adoption. The father of this child a convicted drug dealer is going to do everytihng to get his daughter back. Mom test positive for drugs. They both have weekly visits and reunification is the plan 2/2010 mom goes to mommy and me program for drugs, anger management, etc. Neither parent has a diploma, home, or job. However, the baby was taken from us on 3/31/10 and placed with mom in a 6 month program. What is wrong with the system. We were screened to make sure we had income, home, and even our cars were ok. But biological parents can use the babies as income and shelter.. This system stinks. NJ budget this is what most of our budget supports. dead beat moms and dads.
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I'm so sorry for your pain. I understand the aching hole in your heart, and the silence in your home. Nothing makes any sense. Good people work hard, save their money, and pray in vain for the privilege of parenting one precious child, while any fifteen-year-old or crack-whore can effortlessly reproduce and live off the public dole, neglecting or abusing their precious babies. Each Adoption Journey is very different, but each is a long, strange and twisting path, with many obstacles and blind alleys. Doors close, and windows open, so much grief, and so many leaps of faith, and nobody seems to understand. Take some time to heal, and to re-examine all possible paths to parenthood. Don't give up; your child will find you in the most unexpected way. <hugs>