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Our soon to be AS recently opened up about anger towards Bmom (he never knew his Bdad) He wrote a letter to her lettting her know how much the physical and emotional abuse hurt him and that he now knows he wasn't the cause of it , he wasn't bad. After writing the letter we burned it. This has been a great release of a lot of anger for him. He has talked more and more to us about Bmom. (also is in ongoing therapy) Now, he has announced that he wants to change his first name at adoption. He says the name and when he hears it being said it reminds triggers those 'yucky' feelings. When he explains it it sounds as though he has given this alot of thought and also that he understands what changing his name will mean. He is almost 10. I am worried that he may grow up and regret the name change. It seems like a huge decision for a kid his age, but again, he really seems to have a good understanding about it. For those of you who have children who have changed their first name at adoption, did he or she regret doing it later on?
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Thanks for all the replies. We have decided to respect his thoughts and feelings with the name change. He has been going through a name book that we bought over the weekend. There is still plenty of time before we finalize so if he changes his mind and decides to keep his given name then that will be fine too.
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My ex started running away from home when he was 13, using a name he chose so it'd be harder for anyone to send him back. He continued using that name as an adult and legally changed it when we got married, although his family refuses to acknowledge the name change.
On a more positive note, a friend's daughter found out that 2 boys in her kindergarten shared her name, so she decided to go by her middle name instead. Her parents honored her wishes, 6 years later she still stands by a choice she made before her 5th birthday.
Our soon to be adopted son wanted a name change entirely. We told the teachers his new name with the hopes of a smooth transition when we adopt him however soon after he started hearing voices. After the initial panic I felt, the voice was telling him he didn't like his new name even though he had picked it out. I discovered that he truly wanted to keep his old name so on the third day of school we will return to his birth first and middle name with our last name. He pretended all along he loved his new name when he really didn't. The only reason we encouraged a name change was because all his relatives are on facebook and his abuser is in prison. It will be so easy for them to find him just using his first name. We can block as many of his family members from finding him we hope but we worry he might find them. How do we stop this. One problem solved and now we have another.
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We are changing our soon to be AS's first, middle and last name and he is 10 years old too. We discussed different names and he help choose his name. At first he struggled and your son might too but as classmates called him by his new name and we instructed therapists, doctors, etc. to use the new name, he is getting accustomed to it. Respect your soon to be AS's wishes. He wants to put that old life behind him. I myself grew up with a nickname but when I was in 4th grade a boy had the same name so I wanted my name changed back to my birth day and I wouldn't answer my family until they called me by it. Your AS will be okay. He will feel like a new person. A new life and family and a new name. My soon to be AS is doing great. I would definitely go with your son's wishes.
My dd wanted to change her name to Alexa at 4 yo...No negativity towards her real name she just liked it...I told her no we would keep her name. Your son has feelings/memories about his name that are unpleasant for him. I would let him change it. Just nothing crazy like super boy lol...As a young kid I loved the names diamond and crystal...I am sooo glad I didnt change it to those...
Update: Our 10 year old "soon to be adopted" son has stayed with the new name change. He did struggle with his new name for several weeks but has gradually gotten used to it and now his first, middle and last name are changed. A new beginning. He doesn't want to go back to his old name. Early next year we will have it legally changed. Now I just wish we could get the whole ADHD medication balanced out. It is always something.
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We had originally planned to give our kids new middle names and keep their first names. However our 3 yr old loved the name so much she completely refused to answer to her old name anymore.
If anyone calls her by her old name she immediately tells them she is Sophia.
So, we decided to do a complete name change and since we changed hers we changed our sons as well. He just turned 2 so it has been pretty much a seamless transition for the both of them.
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Sunnyrobbins, I would let your son change his name. Mine did and he loves his new name. When social workers call or medication therapists call him by his old name (because he hasn't been legally adopted yet and everything has his old name on it) he corrects them. He doesn't like his old name. I think your son will feel a part of the family if he can start with a fresh new name you all agree on. Good luck! It works for us! ;o)
I agree if he wants to change his name then I would do it.
I have adopted a 9 year old girl, and when I got her the caseworker needed to know the new name the next day. I was planning on changing her middle and last name, but she told me she wanted to change her first name. So we went ahead and did so. It was the best decision of her life (thus far). She loved the new start it gave her, and she has no regrets.
I am in the process of adopting two more kids- 1 and 3, and I changed their names as well. No problems there either.
Maybe I just got lucky :)