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So after that missed "last" visit (the last visit that they'd get a ride from the state to see Z) we tried again a few weeks later and it was a go. Actually, I'm getting ahead of myself. FIRST we mailed them the goodies we were going to give them--bday present for Mom, photos, frame for Dad, etc. A few days after that was Mom's birthday so I text messaged her. Much to my surprise and delight (and relief, I was really worried about them) she texted back right away. It was a nice day and the boys were riding their bikes so I sat outside and texted back and forth with her for awhile. Then we had the do-over last visit and everyone came. I prepped E (almost 4) that this would be the last time for awhile and some grown-ups might cry. But nobody did, it felt like a very normal visit, like the many that we had already. We did go outside and take some new photos and we hugged goodbye. E said on the way home, "See, Mama? I TOLD you nobody was going to cry." They asked if it would be okay to use the address we had given them (not our home address) to mail E a bday present, I said of course. They also loaded Z up with a bunch of gifts for his birthday which just passed. So now here we are, about to embark on an open adoption after foster care scenario. I have not mentioned visits to them at all, even though I am open to them, I want to just see how it goes and let everyone adjust a little bit. Wish me luck.
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So you've bent over backwards to contact them and make a visit happen. Now, it seems, the ball is in their court, right? While it's nice to have control of the situation, perhaps I'd just let it ride and see what their next move is? They don't seem to be real proactive types, as they missed the first "last" mtng, and then let Z's b'day pass, so I don't think they will be pestering for another visit real soon. I guess I'd hold off contacting them now, until E starts asking to see them?
The first last meeting was literally days after they relinquished their rights to us. Honestly, my husband and I were still reeling from it ourselves, I think it was just too **** soon.I've grown to care about them a lot in the past two years and think of them as part of our extended family. When I was starting to daydream about the big party we'll have when the adoption is finalized, it actually crossed my mind to invite them--no, no I never would, but that just shows how much I consider them a normal part of our lives/family.I'm in no rush to have a face-to-face visit soon, but I cannot imagine never having one again. I don't know if they'd bring up the idea of a visit to me or not, if it'd feel too presumptuous or something--but I think they'd jump at the chance if I offered.
Sounds like we're struggling with the same thing. We've got the OA and are awaiting finalization. We're leaving the visits in Bio mom's hands (per the OA). We had the "final" state monitored visit 2 weeks after TPR. Since then (its been 2.5 months), she's not requested one - though she's permitted to up to 4 times per year. I figure we'll be hearing soon. Honestly, the separation time was invaluable. We're been able to bond without disruption/confusion. Good luck
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