Confused on domestic adoption

yes, it can mess up the adoption of your foster child. be sure to discuss your plans with your caseworker.i'm pretty sure all the experts and triad members now a days are telling people to not hide adoption from their children. it is easy to get started talking to your children about adoption when they are babies and have no idea what you are saying, and then just keep talking as they get older...that way there is never a surprise or akward moment where you break the news. keeping the adoption a secret from the child because that is what the expectant parents want....imo...is just not fair to the child.

As mommytoeli said, trying to go through the adoption process for two different children at the same time or close in time to each other can derail one or the other or even both. Some agencies will have rules about it intended to ensure that the child for whom they wish to find a home has an appropriate amount of time and attention in which to settle in and start attachment and bonding. You need to check your fp manual and ask your cw. If she/he says "no problem," get it in writing from the supervisor or director. That's not something you want to take verbally on faith. Even then, though, be aware that social services doesn't make the final call--the court does. SS may say OK to adopt both, judge in the fc case may say no. Or the judge in the private case may say no. As for involving a private agency, there probably is no need to do that. The attorney fees to simply file the petition for adoption in our niece's case were $2000, and that included reviewing a state assistance agreement, obtaining a new BC, and generally pressuring the state agency involved to cross its t's and dot its i's. You may need to get a second home study or your social services office may release the one you have already (if it is current) for this purpose. If you do need a new one, again, your local social services office may do it for far less than a private agency. State of TX accepts them from both private and public authorized child-placing agencies. To compare apples to apples confidently, you would need to call a few adoption attorneys and ask for a free consultation regarding their services and fees. Some charge a flat fee, others will ask for a retainer and give you a ballpark estimate of the usual hours they bill for. Be aware that hourly fees do not cover copying and mailing, etc., and that those charging by the hour will count the time spent talking to you on the phone (after the initial consultation) and reading your e-mails. As for not telling the child, that is just not the parents' call. It is also not something IMO that you have any right to agree to if you are going to be the child's parents. Parents are wholly responsible for their child's welfare, including safeguarding the child's rights and acting in the child's best interest. You can't do that if you've made prior deals with other adults based on their wishes to circumvent the child's rights and act a certain way regardless of the child's needs and welfare at any given time. I am sure they are going through many confusing thoughts, emotions, and a lot of turmoil. It is understandable and something to have compassion for. But I think they need to remember that a baby is not just a baby; a baby is an independently living, breathing, human being with all the rights of every other human being who will grow up into an adult with all the expectations and rights of every other adult. They are not just making decisions for a baby, they are trying to dictate lifelong restrictions on the rights of a person. It sounds as if they need a reality check as to what "termination" really means. It means they are severing all legal ties, claims and responsibilities, to that child. "Adoption" means that you will become that child's parents, not them. Everybody has a right to know information about themselves. Not only is it in the child's interest to know that they are adopted, it is their right and they have a right to know from whom and where they came. The first parents' identity is information that morally at least belongs to the child from the day he/she is born because it is part of who the child is. More and more, states are recognizing it as a legal right and I wouldn't be surprised if, in 15 or 20 years' time, that right is recognized universally. More often than not, it is also in the child's best interest to have some contact and/or relationship with their first parents. It sounds as if your friends could use counseling on their plans and what it really means to choose not to parent, to entrust your child for adoption, and to respect their responsibility as the child's parents at birth as well as the integrity of the child's personhood over a lifetime. Good luck to all, I hope everything works out well for these young children.