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Hello everyone,
I will try not to make this too long, but I need prayer! I have been married for 8 years, wanting to adopt internationally for 10. We have 2 bio boys, and I want a little girl. Instead of another high risk pregnancy, I decided I wanted to try and pursuit international adoption, like I've always wanted. DH was all for having another baby biologically, but less than thrilled about the cost of international adoption. He kept saying there are so many children here and why don't we foster and adopt one here. So in short, I brought the paperwork home to foster, and he got cold feet. He says I am putting too much on my plate. (Lame argument: he says that anytime I want to help with a charity, join a women's group, etc. And I really don't even do those things that much.)
Prayer #1: Pray for God to show us His will, whether it is to adopt internationally, domestically, or neither.
Prayer #2: Pray that God moves DH's heart...if not to adopt than at least to have compassion for orphans and the less fortunate. Alternatively, pray that God moves my heart away from adoption if that is what is necessary.
I am so very distressed over this issue. All prayer are VERY much appreciated!
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It is tough to want to move forward so badly, but not be sure which direction is right. And to want something that your spouse isn't so sure of, especially something that takes a strong commitment from both of you. And it also stinks to desperately want something that may not be right for you. Sounds like you are in at least one if not all of these scenarios. I have no advice for you, except to become as informed as you can about all options and then keep praying and thinking about them. Hopefully your heart and mind will clear up and you will understand what is a good road for you.
Good luck, and I hope you find what you are looking for.
If he gets to the point of wavering on foster care, tell him that you guys can take all of the classes required for training and learn about foster care, and even get licensed if that is the direction you are leaning, and then still not accept any placements, if you are not comfortable with it. I have friends that take any child they are called about, and I have others who refuse most calls, waiting for the call that feels right for them.
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Hi, Angel. I can kind of relate, except our situation is that we are currently fostering three kids and my husband feels like we are taking on too much and wants to back out. LOL, my hubby plays the "you're taking on too much" card all the time on me, too.
Like your husband, mine wanted to exhaust the biological route first before pursuing other options, but I wasn't on board with extensive medical intervention and we haven't been able to have additional kids since the birth of our 5 yo bio son otherwise. Also similarly, he only saw price tags with the international adoption route.
When we decided on foster parenting, although pursuing that route was completely a mutual decision, we differed on how many kids to take on. I wanted three and he wanted one or possibly two. Throughout the certification process and when we got the call for these kids, I let him make the final decision but I think he felt pressured to take on three since he knew that's what I wanted so much.
It's been two months so far and he has expressed extreme anger at me on at least two occasions and has several times taken a hands-off approach to caring for the kids because he blames me for not only wanting three kids but taking on foster parenting altogether (even though, again, we were both completely on board with fostering).
His final straw was this weekend and he is insisting that we find another home for the kids. The whole experience has been extremely hard on both of us and on our marriage.
Foster parenting is very stressful. For what it's worth, I can't speak for other forms of adoption, but I personally would advise against pursuing that option if your husband isn't 100% on board.